Whited Sepulcher

Jana just came in to give me a kiss goodbye as she heads for work.

We have a rule in our marriage.  Not really a rule, a tradition, really.  No, on second thought, it's a rule.  "The last one up makes the bed."  Most of the time that's Jana but today it was me.

As she kissed me goodbye this morning she said with a smile, "You made the bed like a 'whited sepulcher'."

Me: blank stare.

Then I finally got it.  "Oh, was the sheet under the bedspread wrinkled?"

"More like wadded up." Giggle.

 I love Jana's lilting giggle.  Her gentle teasing keeps me grounded.  That's a loving thing, by the way.

Well, I'd better go remake the bed. 

PS  Actually the kitty likes a lumpy bed.  She can find fluffy places.
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Heart Soap

It's been a long time since I've posted my Loving Things.  Life happens.  Concerns drain emotions.


I don't apologize for my absence.  I only regret.  Regret so many Loving Things that have gone unnoticed, unacknowledged, unappreciated.  But today I notice.  And then, perhaps, again tomorrow.  And if I string enough appreciative todays together, I know it will make a difference and my life will continue to grow richer.

I just got out of the shower.  I use "shower gloves" when I shower.  When visiting my sister a few years ago she had some hanging in her shower.  I thought, "Hey, here is a thing I never new existed.  I wonder what it's like."

So I tried them.  Hey, she's my sister.

They were rough and invigorating and I felt like they were scrubbing away the dead cells and grime.  Plus it was so much easier than fumbling with a washcloth.  When I got back home to Idaho I bought my own, at Walmart.  I stuck a couple pieces of the prickly side of adhesive-backed velcro on my shower wall and there they hang, ready to invigorate my morning.

While showering I reached for the soap and noticed it was about done for.  Often I have come to that same realization, thinking, "I'd better throw that away and put a new bar in the shower so Jana doesn't have to step out of the shower, dripping wet, to get a new one."  But being a man of very limited retention, I generally forget.

So today I thought, "I've just got to remember this."  So, using a mind trick I use not often enough, I projected forward and pictured myself getting out of the shower and, after drying off and before grabbing my undiewear, reaching for a piece of toilet paper, opening the shower door, grabbing the slippery fragment, throwing it away, opening the cupboard where we keep the new bars, unwrapping it and placing it on the soap ledge.  I then intentionally cemented it to my mind, on purpose, then finished my wash-glove scrub.

Sure enough, my mind trick worked, as it usually does when I take the time to do it.

But as I was placing the fresh bar of soap on the soap ledge I thought, "You know, there is always a fresh bar in the cupboard.  Always.  Somehow Jana always has a fresh bar of soap, an extra bottle of shampoo, a stack of toilet paper, an unopened roll of paper towels under the kitchen sink, a new box of butter in the fridge, a fresh loaf of bread when the old one is finished.  Always.

How magical is that.  It reminds me of my magic undiewear drawer.

If I were to have to live alone, how many times would I have to step out of the shower naked and wet, trapse across the bathroom leaving wet footprints and realize I need to buy soap before finally adding it to my shopping list.

I'm so grateful to Jana for her competent care in the hundreds of tiny tasks that are required to keep our home running smoothly.  That is truly a competent thing.  That is truly a loving thing.

And for once Jana has a fresh bar of soap for the morning.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Stir Fry

Sundays are fairly busy for me.  I generally leave the house at about 7:30am and make it home around 6:00, except every other week when we have an evening fireside after church that allows me to fly by and pick up Jana enroute to the fireside.  On those Sundays we get home at around 9:00.

But it's such a joy and rather than feeling tired I feel energized and generally come home feeling happy and satisfied.  There's nothing more fun than spending the day with the young people of my congregation, people who are trying to live good: contributing lives; striving to make good choices; looking to find a place where they can make a difference in the world.  What could be more energizing than that?  The maturity and inquisitiveness of their thoughts constantly inspire me to want to be better.  I often tell them, "I want to be like you when I grow up."  They are just so easy to love.

For example, I had a young man inspire me with a powerful lesson Sunday.  I've mentioned that my reason for writing this blog is to capture the many loving things that my wife does for me so that they don't slip away unnoticed.  It opens my eyes and focuses my attention so I'm, hopefully, better tuned in.  However, as I visited with this young man yesterday he commented, "Bishop, I try to notice five times every day when the Holy Spirit touches me or prompts me to act.  Then I write them down in my journal in the evening so I can remember how blessed I am."

How can I help but come away feeling inspired and determined to do even better each day when I get that kind of motivation.

Back to my point.

I woke Jana at 7:30 yesterday, had a prayer with her and kissed her goodbye before leaving the house.  I saw her during our Sunday School time at 2:30 and gave her a hug.  After church, as she was leaving, she asked what time I'd be home.  Based on my interview schedule I told her I should be home by 6:00.

My last interview started at 5:30 with a young man who is new to the area.  We had a delightful visit and talked about some things that were important to him.  I could have cut it short but I chose to let our conversation continue as I got to know more about him, his situation and his desires in life.  He left at 6:30 and I felt good for the time we had spent together.

Before leaving I called Jana to let her know where I was and that I would be home in about 15 minutes.  I took some time to review the day and make notes of what I need to follow up on this week to attempt to keep things from falling through the cracks. (You know, they seem to be making cracks wider lately.)  I was the last person leaving the building so I did a tour around the building to make sure lights were out and doors were locked.  The point is that I didn't make it home until 7:00 and was feeling self-conscious about not being home on time.

I found Jana in the bedroom in the "reading chair" reading her journal.  She's updating her life's timeline for the past three years.  I came in and told her I was home and peripherally asked about her day.  I then said I was going to go fix something for dinner. Jana responded,

"I've already got a stir fry ready to cook so let me get started."

Jana got up and headed for the kitchen.  I headed for the closet to take off my jacket and tie.  I then joined her in the kitchen.  When I got there she had the ingredients for stir fry already cut up and measured in small containers and the pan was heating up.  I jumped up on the counter so we could just talk while she cooked.

It was fun just talking and sharing the spoils of our day.  Jana talked about a new young woman she had met that I had missed.  It's really good to have her there with me because, as I've mentioned several time before, she is really good about visiting with people and drawing them out.  I shared a couple things I had learned and observed that day.  We just had a good visit.

The stir fry was done quite soon and we continued our conversation over dinner.  Jana never mentioned my tardiness, although she had every right to.  She didn't even show any disappointment or disapproval, although I somewhat expected it.

I don't want to take advantage of Jana's patience and kindness.  It is a sweet and selfless gift, a truly loving thing.  As a chicken farmer's daughter she was raised around a set schedule for mealtimes that carried over into our home.  Our family rule is that dinner is at 6:00 and if you're late (that too often meant me) you'll have to eat it cold.  I do not complain of that family tradition.  It has been one of the things that has created a stable and predictable home environment for us all.  But I am so grateful for the kind and loving thing that Jana shared in getting up and fixing dinner when I finally came home and for the refreshing "talking time" as I sat on the counter and she stirred.

I'll be home by 6:00 next week.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

A Loving Detour

Jana and I are different.

When we got married we thought we knew this but it came into sharp focus on our honeymoon.

After our Thursday wedding Jana and I had our first reception on Saturday in Idaho. The next day we headed on our honeymoon, down to Oakland, California, then, after seeing a few sights, off to the Pacific Coast Highway, the famed California Route 1.

We entered the PCH just south of San Jose, where we had toured the infamous Winchester Mystery House.  We drove for a time and just at dusk we pulled off the highway into the beautiful Big Sur campground where I pitched our romantic little two-person backpacking tent by the light of our Chevy Malibu's headlights.

The next morning we headed south.  It was a breathtaking drive where pine-draped mountains plunged into the arguing blue-green pacific ocean.  It seemed that just when you thought you had seen the most beautiful view imaginable, just around the bend (and there were plenty of those) was an even more photogenic vista.

My right brain was awash with wonder and I think I must have pulled off at nearly every turnout on the windy way.  I kept commenting to my lovely, blushing bride the wonders of the scene and assumed her growing silence signaled her wordless wonder.

One noteworthy fact about this stretch of the highway is that once you are committed to the road there is no turning back.  There are no turnoffs or alternate routes, no shortened bypasses and no destinations other than the road itself.

Finally, after nearly 300 winding, up-and-down, looking-over-the-edge, stopping-at-every-turnout mile we came to the first turnoff of the road at San Simeon and the Hearst Castle.  I pulled into a parking area and said, "Sweetheart, let's go take a look."  It was here, on our honeymoon, in a parking lot on the Pacific Coast Highway, that I learned of another valuable difference in our natures.  And that is the purpose of a road.

To me a road was a path to adventure and discovery ... something to be explored and savored.

To Jana a road was simply a way to get from one place to another ... preferably the most direct route between two geolocations.

And so I learned, compelled to be content to look at the opulent newspaper tycoon's monument to excess through the quarter-fed telescope in the parking lot, before jumping into the car without another stop between there and my parent's home some five hours later.

This weekend Jana and I enjoyed a wonderful trip to Utah for my family's annual reunion up Spanish Fork Canyon.  We left after work Thursday, just the two of us since our girls couldn't get off work.  What a wonderful and fun time we had catching up with nearly 200 family members we see all to infrequently. As we headed home Monday we had a delightful book that Jana read to me as we drove and talked our way home.  The only stop we made was a potty stop between Snowville and Sweetzer Summit.

As we neared Boise I noticed that the time was 7:00 pm – the time Chanel, my oldest daughter, gets off work and heads for home.  I thought it would be nice to stop in and say "Hi", tell her about our adventurous weekend and make yet one more lifebond in our family tapestry.  But the lesson I had learned these nearly 34 years ago has become so deeply ingrained that I debated for 3 miles whether I dared ask Jana if she would mind our stopping when we were nearly in view or our journey's destination.

Finally I dared.

"Jana, would it be all right if we pulled off and visited Chanel for a few minutes, since we're so close?"

(Breath held.)

"Sure."

So I called Chanel, caught her enroute home from work and asked if we could stop by and see her on our way home.

Loving things are often the personal preferences we choose to yield as we learn to live and love together.  On the surface they may seem small, almost insignificant, but those small compromises of preference, whether freely offered or patiently proffered, should not be taken for granted, but acknowledged and valued for the loving gifts they are.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

To Be Where You Are

Jana generally gets home from work shortly after 4:00.  Just before 4:00 I had slipped out to run an errand.   When I pulled into the driveway the humpbacked van was securely parked, signaling Jana was home.

I called to her as I walked in the door but soon heard the bathroom fan indicating she was beyond hearing range so I sat back down at the computer in my office and went back to work.

Before long Jana came into the office and said, "Hello" in her after-work-and-I'm-happy-to-start-the-best-part-of-my-day voice.  She then just sat down on the white leather couch that sits in front of my work desk, laid down, shifted slightly and closed her eyes to take a nap.

It was just nice and made me feel warm knowing she just wanted to be in the same room with me.  I was working and not really conversant and she just wanted to take an afterwork nap.  But just being near can be a comfortable loving thing, with Jana curled up on the office couch saying, without speaking a word, "It's nice just to be where you are."
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

You Would've Loved It

The company where Jana works was recently sold to another hospital organization and as the companies merge their billing offices perhaps only 1/3 of the current jobs will be available.  This leaves an office with a lot of anxiety clouding the air.

The original company, however, is trying to help it's outgoing employees as much as possible, including bringing in special services to help with resume writing, dealing with change and other helpful support.  They really are trying to ease the transition.

The other day Jana came bubbling home from work.  As she danced through the door she called, "I wish you could've been with me today!"

They had a woman come in from a consulting company to talk about resume's, how to write them, what companies are looking for and how to prepare for interviews.

"You would've loved the presenter.  She was so polished, had good stories to illustrate her points, was dynamic and really had the audience in her hands."

Jana's college degree is in speech communications and she is a very practiced public speaker.  Because she is good she is also very aware of other speakers.  Over the years I have also enjoyed the good fortune to speak in business presentations, seminars, staff training and keynotes as well as in church speaking opportunities.  Our conversations after presentations are centered around elements in our speeches that worked, audience response, the impact of stories, responses to questions and so forth.  I have learned so much from Jana over the years as she is free and yet kind with her feedback on my presentations and is attentive and appreciative with my observations for hers.

Jana also knows that I am always interested, as she is, in watching and listening to other speakers and learning from them.  When she burst through the door and said, "I wish you could've been with me today!", she was sharing an exciting and common interest – something she knew we'd both love: a presenter who knew how to move an audience.

"The whole time I was thinking, 'Oh, I wish Kevin could be here.  He'd love watching this woman'."

The loving thing was in her wanting to share an experience with me and thinking about me as she enjoyed it.  It's the idea of being thought about warmly when you're apart, and then not being able to come home fast enough to share it.  
____________________

IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

"I Have So Much to Talk About"

Jana always seems to come home from work happy.  This is especially true on Friday.

I had sent her an email at work at 3:50pm, just ten minutes before she was to get off work.

Would you like to go to a movie with me at 7:00 tonight?

Mystery Date

When she walked in the door she declared,

YES!  I'd love to go out!

When we climbed into the van to head out for a cheap dinner before the movie she effused,

I have so much to talk about.  I can hardly wait!

We got to Chicago Connection and ordered our salad bar dinners and she almost exploded,

Can I tell you about my day?

She had a great day at work and was able to get resolutions on several large hospital insurance accounts that she has been dogging down for two and three months. This was a major victory and she was excited and proud about it, and rightfully so.

She then brought along some papers and announced,

These are the finalists in my hunt for an Oregon Coast rental house for our anniversary in October.  Read them and tell me what you think.

I read through them and commented on them as I did.  We then discussed the pros and cons and narrowed the choice down to two properties in Otter Bay, north of Newport.  She then jumped in,

Can I go ahead and make a decision?  

Jana loves to have something to look forward to.  I found last weekend as we listened to a set of tapes called "Light His Fire" that women in general always need something to look forward to; it makes the minor inconveniences and trials of daily life more bearable.  I have learned how important it is to her so I try to encourage it.  Besides, it's fun for me too.

One of the things I love about Jana is her optimism, joy and excitement for life ... especially for experiences ... and especially for experiences with me.  It's so fun to hear the excitement in her voice and see her eyes flash.  What a loving thing.  Am I smart or what in choosing Jana?
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.