A Phone Call at Lunch

Jana and I have a slightly different living/working arrangement.  Jana works in a medical billing office a mile away.  I work at home.  I work in front of my computer all day and she works in front of hers.

At about 1:10 today, right after her lunch break, I received a phone call from Jana.

"Hello."

"Well, Hi."

"What are you doing?"

"Just sitting here staring at my computer."

"Well, I just wanted to call and say 'Hi'.  So, 'Hi'.  That's all."

That brief interchange was followed by some mushy remarks.  But, during the day, it feels nice to be thought of.  It doesn't take long at all.  It doesn't have to convey stories or events or requests or assignments or ... anything.  Just to know that the one you love is thinking about you is often enough.  It makes their homecoming an event to be anticipated.  And when Jana got home from work, after first doing some grocery shopping, you bet a smile teased at my face when I saw the familiar green van pull into the driveway.  And you bet I went out and helped bring in the groceries.  And you bet I gave her a hug once we set the bags down on the counter.

And it was enough.  A phone call.  A small thing.  A loving thing.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Still A Smile in Her Voice After 6:00

Jana grew up with a father who had more peas on his knife than could possibly be swallowed.  She grew up feeling that everything else in his life was more important than her – primarily his work (as a self-employed, one-man chicken farmer) and his church service (as bishop then stake president over a multitude of Mormon congregations in southwest Idaho).  She drew a distinction in his need to provide a living for his family but grew to resent feeling orphaned by his church service.

"When deciding on the qualities I wanted in a husband," she later recounted, "I wanted to marry a man who was kind, lived his religion, honored his priesthood, but would never be a bishop."

After 31 years of marriage I was called to serve as a bishop over a young single adult ward.

The Mormon church does not have a paid ministry.  We all serve in the church when asked or "called" by our priesthood leadership.  We do not seek positions, we do not aspire to callings, we do not apply for station, we do not campaign for office.  We also do not turn down opportunities to serve each other, in whatever capacity and for whatever duration we are called.

I can not begin to explain the depths to which Jana had to reach to find the faith, or at least a glimmer of hope, to support me in this new calling.  The little girl who felt so neglected, unloved and unvalued reemerged, her insecurities and loneliness almost overpowering her.  This was truly a trial of her faith.

I can't say my own history in our marriage has been that much of a solace for her.  I have displayed a tendency to grasp hold of "extra curricular" service, be it Boy Scouts, church callings or a fatherless boy, and spread my time as thinly as a child trying to make a sandwich out of the last scrapings from the peanut butter jar.  Jana didn't have much to build her hope on.  Even so, like the widow's mite, she gave "all her living" to the hope that somehow she would not be lost or forgotten or ignored in my press to magnify my calling and serve those I had been called to shepherd.

As time has rolled on an unexpected "tender mercy" has unfolded.  My call has somehow simplified my life, or at least my thoughts, and has focused me.  It has slowed me down and given me far greater appreciation for Jana, for her strength, for her wisdom, for her patience and for the secure calm that lies at the core of our relationship.

As we began this new journey a year and a half ago, I committed to be home on Sunday evenings by 6:00 with my attention turned to home.  I have not perfected that commitment yet but my success rate continues to improve.

This time of year I am in the middle of the annual end of year "tithing settlement" where I meet with each member of the ward in the course of one month's time in one-on-one interviews.  It is a wonderful, enriching experience as I connect with each member of my ward and simply listen.  The interview's are short but sometimes the course of the conversations require a few extra minutes to allow for individual needs.

Tonight, after having left the house this morning before she was up and after only seeing Jana once across a classroom in one of our meetings, I finished my last interview of the day at about 6:05.  I called Jana to let her know I was finished and was heading home.

With the cheerful lilt to her voice that reveals her native happy personality which I've come to love over the course of 33 years, she replied, "OK. I'll see you in a few minutes."

The melody of her voice and the simplicity and ordinariness of her response belied the arduous journey that has brought her to this place.  Having a knowledge of that journey, what I heard was an ocean-deep loving thing that ripples through my heart and reminds me how blessed I am.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Sometimes Love is Blurry-Eyed

On this Thanksgiving Holiday weekend we have made it a habit to stay up late (1:00 to 2:00 am) visiting with my daughters and my son and daughter-in-law who are in town for the holiday weekend.  What fun it's been playing "Grandma & Grandpa" to our 3 year old grandson.  Jana took Friday off work just to make the holiday more festive, which means the luxury of staying up late and sleeping in equally late.

Even so, holiday weekend or not, our ward had the responsibility of cleaning the church today (we have the fourth Saturday of each month to clean the church and make it ready for Sunday meetings) at 8:00 am.  All by itself, 8:00 am isn't early, except when placed in the context of it being Saturday in addition to the mix of holiday indulgence.

After a 5 hour night I rolled out of bed to get ready to go clean the Cheerios off the chapel benches.  After dressing I walked over to Jana's side of the bed and she was out cold, blissfully enjoying her cozy slumber. I didn't really want to wake her, wishing I was still cocooned on the other side of the bed, but I gently patted her hip and she aroused semi-consciously.

"Sweetheart, I"m getting ready to head to the church to clean."

"Uh. OK." she mumbled, not moving.

I headed to the kitchen to grab a banana, then outside to get the car warmed up.  I had decided to not trouble her again, figuring that if she fell back asleep, she deserved it.

Back in the kitchen I stood, eating my banana when Jana came walking in.  "I'm ready."

Neither of us had done any more personal preparation than to drag combs through our hair and, given my unshaved, unshowered state, I was grateful her eyes were having a hard  time focusing.

We headed for the car and drove off to tackle the awaiting vacuums, the 14 miles of halls and the crushed Cheerio dust.

Without complaint or even a word about how short the night had been or how warm the bed was, Jana was there: blurry-eyed, dressed and selflessly supportive.  A simple but loving thing.  How grateful I am for her.

(Parenthetically, my first counselor gave me two tickets to Applebees for a High School Band fundraiser breakfast so we had breakfast after cleaning the church before coming home and starting another special day of playing Grandma and Grandpa.)
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Welcome to 365 Loving Things

In a world where relationships seem to be as fluid as water how can we truly create love that endures?  Maybe a good place to start is in appreciating the love that is already right in front of us.

365LovingThings is a simple, personal online journey of recognizing the loving things my wife does for me each day.

As the love of my life for over 33 years, Jana constantly communicates her love for me in open, spontaneous declarations, in quiet, simple actions and in private, subtle expressions.  My greatest fear in life is that I may miss one of those quiet but precious expressions and thereby miss out on the sweetest joy of life.

Love is not an emotion.  It's a decision.  And once made must be affirmed each and every day as one of the most important things we have to do that day.

On those days when we just don't feel loving, perhaps we can grasp hold of the faith and hope we have for love and do loving things – for our spouse, our child, our parent, our friend.  As we do, we will find that the "feelings" of love will follow.

I dedicate this 365 day journey to purposefully increase the depth of my love and appreciation for my wife, my true friend, by noticing the small, the intimate, the constant ways she shows her love to me.  It is a way of counting my blessings for the inspired decision I made, ignorantly yet wisely, over a third of a decade ago and for my continual recommitment to develop, to express and to feel unconditional love for her.

You are invited to peek in on my personal journey in the hopes that you, too, will rediscover the loving things that are expressed but are too often overlooked each day, knowing that we truly can't notice and appreciate the love given to us without it increasing our desire to give it back.

I would then ask that you take a moment to share and comment on the expressions, small or grand, that you have received and experienced.

And just maybe, we can start making a difference.

Kevin