Day 1 - International Culture Anniversary

Jana and I had a wonderful anniversary this year.  We always do.  It has become such a tradition among her colleagues where Jana works that they start asking what she's going to do for her anniversary starting in August.  To which Jana replies, "I'm not telling ... until after the anniversary."

However, I do know that some of them sometimes get a little disappointed when they learn it isn't a wonderfully extravagant journey to someplace exotic.  In fact, this year one of her coworkers asked, "Since you take turns each year don't you try to outdo each other?"

Her answer?  "No.  It's about the time together."

And that's the point.  It's about taking a few days and isolating ourselves from the pressures and worries and interruptions and distractions that constantly pull at our relationship and just focus on being together, whether it's in Oceanside, Oregon, or Kuna, Idaho.

And this year was no different.

Jana came up with the theme of a Multi-Cultural Experience.  I shared in my last post the letter I received Sunday evening.  I knew no more about what we were going to be doing after I read the letter than I did before.

Day One of our Multi-Cultural Anniversary

"The Culture of Old World Wealth"

I had been told that we were leaving the house at 10:30 am.  Jana had already gassed up the van and once I started up the car she said, "Head for the freeway toward Boise."

I followed directions until we ended up on Warm Springs Ave.  We drove up the avenue to a grocery store where we pulled in. We went inside and I was told to buy some treats to keep up my energy.  After we got our treats Jana said, "We've always driven up Warm Springs and commented that we'd sure like to someday look at the beautiful mansions.  Well, today, we're taking a 'walking tour' of Warm Springs Ave."

Warm Springs is a well-known street in Boise where, a hundred-plus years ago, the affluent built beautiful homes: some very victorian, some more modern.  We headed down Warm Springs just walking and looking at the beautiful homes, wandering up side streets – whatever looked interesting.  We wandered about 3/4 of a mile, crossed the street and meandered back, taking it all in, talking about the houses, who would live there, what renovations were being made and how much we enjoyed being together.

After two hours we had made it back to our van and were ready for the next "culture".

"Oregon Coast Culture I"

After leaving Warm Springs we headed back to town, got on the freeway and made our way to the Towne Square Mall.  We didn't go to the mall, but wandered past it to an industrial/warehouse-looking building with several businesses occupying the space.  However, one of the spaces was a little different than the rest of the warehouse occupants.  The sign above the entrance read "Idaho Aquarium".  I had seen the place before but always assumed, with the large pictures of fish on the wall, that it was a place that sold exotic fish to people with fish tanks.  But no, it was an aquarium that displays sea-life.

For a $7 donation we got to see and pet rays, baby sharks (including a hammerhead shark), eels, jellyfish, lionfish and other tropical fish.  We got to stare down the free-range iguanas wandering about, laugh at the puffins and watch the chameleons change their colors.

(From Jana:   Here's the deal about the Idaho Aquarium.  When you walk outside afterwards, you are still in Idaho. Bummer.  It puts you in such a mood for the ocean and yet there you stand in the parking lot and nary a seagull to be found.  Bummer again.  It's sort of like bait & switch.)  

Each year, during our anniversary, we buy a Christmas ornament for our hodge-podge of a Christmas tree.  I found a small, round refrigerator magnet with a very small starfish on it that I'll drill a hole in, put a ribbon through and add to our collection this Christmas.

"Oregon Coast Culture II"

By now it was after 1:00 so we headed to "Oregon Coast Culture II", McGrath's Fish House.  Jana had found a coupon for a reduced price on salmon dinners at McGrath's.  However, when we went to order the waiter apologized that the special was over.  They had a steak coupon now.  So he gave us some more time to go back over the menu to pick our steak special.

Shortly he came running back, breathlessly saying, "Don't order.  Don't order."  He continued, "I talked to the kitchen and they said you can have the salmon specials, whichever one you want."  And so we did.

(From Jana:  I figured after looking at fish (aquarium), it was time to eat fish.   (However, I draw the line at octopus.  I don't like chewing tire tread.)  The salmon & halibut at McGrath's was delicious.)

"Indulge-Your-Wife Culture"

Next on our adventure was something just for Jana.  She has been looking for a blue blazer to wear for  her business wardrobe and had heard of a thrift shop that was supposed to be very good.  Over the past two years Jana has learned to love consignment shopping and found that she can really stretch her dollar on buying clothes.  We headed for the Boise Assistance League Thrift Shop near the Boise Fairgrounds.

I love shopping for clothes with Jana and picking things I think would look good for her.  I take credit for finding the blazer and she ended up plunking down $8.  We also looked at jewelry which she has gained more interest in since working.

Before moving on to our next "culture" we saw a consignment furniture store across the parking lot and found two recliners that tempted us sorely to adopt.  But we withstood the temptation.

"The Sugar Culture"

Next to the thrift store was a bakery that Jana has heard about for years but has never gone to: Pastry Perfection.  Walking in this store puts on 350 calories just smelling the air.  We looked and smelled and looked some more, finally each choosing a confection to take with us.

"The Hipster Culture"

Arielle introduced us to the "hipster culture" a couple years ago.  The epicenter of the hipster haute couture in Boise is Urban Outfitters in downtown.  We parked in a downtown parking garage and started walking downtown toward the 8th Street marketplace area.  We had fun looking at downtown and the downtown dwellers as we meandered past the Boise Centre on the Grove and the Century Link Arena.  What fun looping in and out of downtown book shops and clothing stores.  We found a chocolate confectioner where we could have dropped $27 for 12 bite-sized pieces of chocolate, but we resisted.

It was fun watching workers and a very tall crane building a large tower that will one day be the core of a new high rise building in downtown.

"Mediterranean Culture"

It was now after 6:30 and time for our next cultural adventure.  Jana directed me toward the Park Center area of East Boise, looking for an address.  We finally found the address attached to a small, hidden eatery call the Mazzah Grill.  This restaurant features Mediterranean cuisine with food samplings from Italy, Greece, Turkey, Syria and that region.  Jana had, again, found this place online and read good reviews about it.

I had a combo kabob plate including shish kabob, marinated chicken kabob and pork kabob with a Syrian fatoosh salad of tomatoes, cucumbers, onions and a dressing I've never tasted before.  Yummy.  Jana had the fatoosh salad with a Greek gyro sandwich.  We took our time and just talked while we ate.

"International Culture"

After dinner we had one more culture to experience before calling it a day.  I was told it wasn't starting until 9:00 pm and it was only 7:50 as we left the restaurant.  We headed for home for an hour where I took a 45 minute snooze and then out the door we went.

For our international culture we headed for the Edwards movie theater.  Since it was a little later on a Monday evening there wasn't really a line at the window where Jana purchased two tickets to see the "Bourne Legacy".  I happen to like the suspense of the the Bourne movie trilogy so Jana took us for this international ride:  international because the movie storyline takes you across the globe.

Jana did an amazing job in arranging this evening.  When we walked into our theater we were the only two people there.  We had the whole movie to ourselves.  When we finally got out at nearly midnight we walked out of our theater into the common halls of this 14 theater complex and there wasn't another person in the building.  We didn't even see an employee as we walked through theater, past the snack bar and through the main lobby.  Jana had the whole movie theater opened just for us.  How do you top that?


We dragged ourselves home and collapsed into bed.  Jana had told me the day before when she first delivered the letter to me about our anniversary plan that we were going to experience things we had never experienced before.  So far she was living up to her promise.  We just had so much fun on Day One exploring new things close to home and mostly just walking and talking together.

Day One had truly been a loving thing.  Now, on to Day Two.

Stir Fry

Sundays are fairly busy for me.  I generally leave the house at about 7:30am and make it home around 6:00, except every other week when we have an evening fireside after church that allows me to fly by and pick up Jana enroute to the fireside.  On those Sundays we get home at around 9:00.

But it's such a joy and rather than feeling tired I feel energized and generally come home feeling happy and satisfied.  There's nothing more fun than spending the day with the young people of my congregation, people who are trying to live good: contributing lives; striving to make good choices; looking to find a place where they can make a difference in the world.  What could be more energizing than that?  The maturity and inquisitiveness of their thoughts constantly inspire me to want to be better.  I often tell them, "I want to be like you when I grow up."  They are just so easy to love.

For example, I had a young man inspire me with a powerful lesson Sunday.  I've mentioned that my reason for writing this blog is to capture the many loving things that my wife does for me so that they don't slip away unnoticed.  It opens my eyes and focuses my attention so I'm, hopefully, better tuned in.  However, as I visited with this young man yesterday he commented, "Bishop, I try to notice five times every day when the Holy Spirit touches me or prompts me to act.  Then I write them down in my journal in the evening so I can remember how blessed I am."

How can I help but come away feeling inspired and determined to do even better each day when I get that kind of motivation.

Back to my point.

I woke Jana at 7:30 yesterday, had a prayer with her and kissed her goodbye before leaving the house.  I saw her during our Sunday School time at 2:30 and gave her a hug.  After church, as she was leaving, she asked what time I'd be home.  Based on my interview schedule I told her I should be home by 6:00.

My last interview started at 5:30 with a young man who is new to the area.  We had a delightful visit and talked about some things that were important to him.  I could have cut it short but I chose to let our conversation continue as I got to know more about him, his situation and his desires in life.  He left at 6:30 and I felt good for the time we had spent together.

Before leaving I called Jana to let her know where I was and that I would be home in about 15 minutes.  I took some time to review the day and make notes of what I need to follow up on this week to attempt to keep things from falling through the cracks. (You know, they seem to be making cracks wider lately.)  I was the last person leaving the building so I did a tour around the building to make sure lights were out and doors were locked.  The point is that I didn't make it home until 7:00 and was feeling self-conscious about not being home on time.

I found Jana in the bedroom in the "reading chair" reading her journal.  She's updating her life's timeline for the past three years.  I came in and told her I was home and peripherally asked about her day.  I then said I was going to go fix something for dinner. Jana responded,

"I've already got a stir fry ready to cook so let me get started."

Jana got up and headed for the kitchen.  I headed for the closet to take off my jacket and tie.  I then joined her in the kitchen.  When I got there she had the ingredients for stir fry already cut up and measured in small containers and the pan was heating up.  I jumped up on the counter so we could just talk while she cooked.

It was fun just talking and sharing the spoils of our day.  Jana talked about a new young woman she had met that I had missed.  It's really good to have her there with me because, as I've mentioned several time before, she is really good about visiting with people and drawing them out.  I shared a couple things I had learned and observed that day.  We just had a good visit.

The stir fry was done quite soon and we continued our conversation over dinner.  Jana never mentioned my tardiness, although she had every right to.  She didn't even show any disappointment or disapproval, although I somewhat expected it.

I don't want to take advantage of Jana's patience and kindness.  It is a sweet and selfless gift, a truly loving thing.  As a chicken farmer's daughter she was raised around a set schedule for mealtimes that carried over into our home.  Our family rule is that dinner is at 6:00 and if you're late (that too often meant me) you'll have to eat it cold.  I do not complain of that family tradition.  It has been one of the things that has created a stable and predictable home environment for us all.  But I am so grateful for the kind and loving thing that Jana shared in getting up and fixing dinner when I finally came home and for the refreshing "talking time" as I sat on the counter and she stirred.

I'll be home by 6:00 next week.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

You Would've Loved It

The company where Jana works was recently sold to another hospital organization and as the companies merge their billing offices perhaps only 1/3 of the current jobs will be available.  This leaves an office with a lot of anxiety clouding the air.

The original company, however, is trying to help it's outgoing employees as much as possible, including bringing in special services to help with resume writing, dealing with change and other helpful support.  They really are trying to ease the transition.

The other day Jana came bubbling home from work.  As she danced through the door she called, "I wish you could've been with me today!"

They had a woman come in from a consulting company to talk about resume's, how to write them, what companies are looking for and how to prepare for interviews.

"You would've loved the presenter.  She was so polished, had good stories to illustrate her points, was dynamic and really had the audience in her hands."

Jana's college degree is in speech communications and she is a very practiced public speaker.  Because she is good she is also very aware of other speakers.  Over the years I have also enjoyed the good fortune to speak in business presentations, seminars, staff training and keynotes as well as in church speaking opportunities.  Our conversations after presentations are centered around elements in our speeches that worked, audience response, the impact of stories, responses to questions and so forth.  I have learned so much from Jana over the years as she is free and yet kind with her feedback on my presentations and is attentive and appreciative with my observations for hers.

Jana also knows that I am always interested, as she is, in watching and listening to other speakers and learning from them.  When she burst through the door and said, "I wish you could've been with me today!", she was sharing an exciting and common interest – something she knew we'd both love: a presenter who knew how to move an audience.

"The whole time I was thinking, 'Oh, I wish Kevin could be here.  He'd love watching this woman'."

The loving thing was in her wanting to share an experience with me and thinking about me as she enjoyed it.  It's the idea of being thought about warmly when you're apart, and then not being able to come home fast enough to share it.  
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Smells Like Bruschetta

Each Monday evening we have a get together called Family Home Evening with the members of our church congregation or ward.  We usually have about 30+ young single adults there.  On the fourth Monday we have a dinner.  Each month the group in charge of the dinner picks a theme and with the creativity and energy of the young adults of our ward you can be assured that no two potluck dishes will be the same.

This month the theme was "Euro-dishes": some dish inspired by European cuisine.  Jana really got into it this week and did some online searching for inspiration.  Her criteria: simple, as in able to be whipped together in 30 minutes or less because she gets home from work at about 5:30 and the dinner was to start at 6:30.

She found a recipe for Bruschetta.  On the way home from the Rec Center after work she stopped at Walmart and picked up some prebaked french bread and other ingredients: two flavors of cream cheese, deli sliced roast beef, fresh Roma tomatoes and fresh green onion.

She painted each side of the sliced (yes, to save time she even found presliced french bread) bread with olive oil and baked them.  When toasted she pulled them out of the oven and let them cool for a few minutes so they wouldn't melt the cream cheese.  She then employed me to help dress the bruschetta.

It was quite fun and the finished result looked every bit as appetizing as the full colored pictures online.

For my part I cooked some bacon, sauteed some diced onions then added whole green beans and stir-fried them, adding peanuts and a "savory blend of spices".  We then headed for dinner.

The loving thing was just the fun of creating something together and laughing and joking while exercising our culinary inspirations.  Jana likes to say she doesn't enjoy cooking but it's fun watching her, in her most pragmatic way, create something fun and different than the normal fare.  

One of the things that originally drew me to Jana was that, when we first met and worked together on that play so many years ago, I could see that we really worked well together when confronting a common project – in that case, the play.  It is still true.  We do work well together and it's fun doing simple, out of the routine things that allow us to add a dash of creativity and a dollop of fun to the recipe.

I think loving things smell surprisingly like Italian bruschetta.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Just Because

I have mentioned before that in our church we try to take care of each other.  We do this by having assigned to us 3 - 6 individuals or families to visit each month just to see how they're doing.  We will have a companion assigned to us so we don't go alone.

This past month I was unable to connect with my companion and couldn't get another to substitute for him so I asked Jana if she would mind going with me to see a couple young women I visit.  I gave her a little more notice this time and she willingly came with me.

Jana is a joy to visit people with.  She always makes them feel special and important simply by how she gives them her full attention, asks questions and listens intently to their responses.  One of our visits was to a wonderful and talented young woman.  In the course of the conversation Jana asked her if she had seen a particular movie.  The young woman replied, no, she hadn't.  Jana immediately said,

"Well, you'd love it.  In fact, what are you doing Friday night?"

"I don't have any plans right now."

"Then why don't you just come over and we'll pop some popcorn and watch it.  Kevin, you can join us if you want."

Jana not only shared a loving thing by her willingness to help me in my visits, but also extended her love to a young woman "just because":  just because she enjoys getting to know people one-on-one; just because she remembers what it's like to be single and alone; just because she's genuinely interested in people.

Sounds like a great date night to me.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Hard Things Can Be Loving Things Too

For my entire adult life I have worked with youth.  Through church assignments, Boy Scouting or community involvement my life's work seems to be lifting and building youth.  My only qualifications would seem to be that I still have bouts with acne and I still have not fully relinquished my hold on my adolescence.

Prior to my calling as the bishop of a young single adult congregation I served the youth in my church overseeing the activities and the adult and youth leaders of eight church congregations.  I was also serving in the Boy Scouting program as a district leader providing training and support for 238 Scouting units (Cub Scout Packs, Boy Scout Troops, Varsity Teams and Venturing Crews) with a commissioner staff of over 90 volunteers and a "Roundtable" training staff of 12 trainers.  Not knowing what the demands would be in my new calling I backed off in my activity with the Scouting program.

In many ways my focus in my current calling as bishop has simplified my life.  It has also given me a great blessing of faith and strength that I could not have foreseen I would need in meeting the needs of energetic, searching, testing, hopeful young single adults as well heart-deep concerns for the evolving dynamics and personal, educational and spiritual struggles of my family.

However, I still get calls and feel the yearning tugs of purpose-driven desires to contribute to a larger circle of influence using what talents or knowledge I have nurtured over my life.  In December I was asked if I would serve as the master of ceremonies for the kick-off assembly for the 100 year anniversary of the Boy Scouting movement to be conducted on the state capitol steps the first Saturday in February.  I called on long-time friend, Lawrence Wasden, Attorney General of the State of Idaho, to address the crowd of uniformed Boy Scouts and their leaders that spilled out into the road in front of the capitol building.  The event was a success and the warm expressions of appreciation were self-satisfying.

Recently, a friend in the stake or region in which I live had asked if I'd help with training for the leaders of 11-year-old boys.  It would not be a huge affair but would entail a Friday evening and Saturday morning commitment with marginal preparation on my part.  I would love to.  But before doing so my personal commitment to Jana is to discuss it with her to gain her support and request her feedback.

I asked Jana over breakfast this morning.  It is easy to read Jana's opinions at times.  Being a drama major for her Associates Degree, she doesn't tend to hide her feelings.  But her verbal response was brief.

"Once they hear you are available for Scouting programs again the phone won't stop ringing."

As I had brought the subject up at the conclusion of breakfast, this was Jana's only comment before her getting up to finish getting ready for work.

I sat and finished my breakfast, torn a bit between two priorities: my life's purpose in working with youth and my eternal purpose in building a celestial relationship with Jana.  In black and white the decision seems obvious.  But, when you mix it with the feelings of emotion and satisfaction and purpose and contribution and praise and pride, it becomes a little harder to balance.  Life's decisions are not always between good and bad.  In fact, I believe the defining decisions that will make the greatest eternal difference will be the decisions between good and good.  They will be the decisions that not only reveal our hearts, but our true desires.

As Jana readied herself for work I didn't feel I understood her real core position. I knew the "what", but I didn't know the "why".  As I continued to sit, finishing my breakfast (I'm a slow breakfast finisher) she came back in and sat down.

"When are you going to get the computers sold?  When are you going to get the dozen things done you say you need to in order to get our business on solid ground?  When will you find the time to help me with the few things I need, like the visual aids for my Relief Society speech?

"To me, your extracurricular activities mean distraction, postponing other needed things; it means time taken away from your work; it means competition for your attention.

"The bishopric means focus; it means balance; it means peace."

"You can choose if you want to help out with that program, but once people learn you are available the calls won't stop."

Now I knew the "why" – the core-deep perceptions that I needed to know.  The "whats" give us a position.  The "whys" give us meaning.

A number of years ago I needed to make a business decision whether or not to hire a young man.  I went back and forth in my mind, trying to justify the expense, the risk, and the dynamic changes it would necessitate.  In the course of my decision making I decided to fast and then went to a place I consider sacred; a place where I could get the insight, the inspiration I needed to make a decision.

I thought long and hard on the matter but soon found a peace settle over me, absorbing the spirit of the experience.  It was then, when my mind was calmed and not pushing, that the clear revelation came.

"Kevin, the 'right' decision is the one you and Jana make together.  The actual decision isn't important; the important thing is how you make it."

Sometimes loving things are hard things.  I needed to know Jana's "whys".  I needed to see her perspective; to see the issue through her eyes.  If I had fixated on the "what" I could very easily become defensive and missed the quiet "I love you" hidden in the "why".

I have absolute faith in Jana's love for me; in her desire that our relationship continue to grow, not only in time, but through eternity.  If I can just manage to keep that faith – no, by now in our relationship I guess it's no longer faith; time and experience have turned my faith in her love into a sure knowledge – if I can just manage to keep that fact fixed in my heart I know I will have the power and the purpose to listen carefully and choose well.

Photos courtesy the Idaho Statesman

http://www.idahostatesman.com/2010/02/09/1073054/scouts-throw-a-birthday-party.html 

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Shoe Strings and Frozen Beans

Saturdays seem to be a premium around here.  With life being what it is it seems I get about two Saturdays a month to actually get things done on my personal list.  Everything has a season and I suppose the day will come when I wish I had something someone wanted me to do on a Saturday.  But for now, they're a little rare.

Of late Jana has been complaining of foot pain from her daily walking exercise.  Actually it's not from her walking; that actually takes her mind off the foot pain.  But her feet have been hurting her.  During the week I saw an ad in the newspaper from Big 5 Sporting Goods that had some walking shoes by Dr. Scholl's, a company known for its footcare products.  (A not so terribly interesting aside: when Jana and I were dating, my first post-mission job was at Big 5 Sporting Goods in California.)

Saturday morning I suggested we have a morning date so after she had showered we headed off for Big 5.  It is nearly legendary how little Jana likes shopping, but she was excited that morning.

Before we headed to the sporting goods store we made a stop at "Cash 'n Carry", a restaurant grocery supply store that we like to shop at periodically.  This stop was just for me.  We went to buy some frozen vegetables, which I eat a lot of.  For $8 we were able to buy two week's of vegetables.  (Did I mention our food budget has dramatically dropped since Arielle went to school?)

We got to the store and found the sale shoes.  They were regularly $70 and were on sale for $29.95.  At first we were concerned as they didn't have what Jana thought was her size.  She went ahead and tried on a pair that were half a size larger than she thought she was, but they fit like Cinderella's glass slippers.

At my insistence she walked around the store for awhile to make sure they didn't have any sore spots (she just wanted to buy 'n go).  Then we bought them.  The shoes she's been wearing are athletic shoes she bought with my son's help about 12 years ago.  By now the support is shot.

After we got home Jana put them on and wore them around the house as she went about her chores.  Later that afternoon she headed for the Rec Center for her 8 lap walk.  When she came home she pronounced the shoe-shopping date a success.

I'm finding I love spending time with Jana – doing just normal, unhurried things – more and more all the time.  Her love language is "Quality Time".  As we headed home from Big 5 she said, "This qualifies as 'love'.  Definitely three points."  Quality Time = a loving thing.  For both of us.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

You Go First

Recently I had a slumber party weekend with my oldest daughter in her cute, one bedroom apartment.  Friday night we stayed up watching movies.  Saturday morning she needed to go to work so I slept in, had breakfast, watched a movie and read a business book before she got home shortly after 2:00.

When she came home we went to a place called "Simply Cats" where she volunteers.  This is a facility that rescues cats and offers them for adoption.  It is an amazing facility for cats and people alike and it was fun to visit the different "apartments" and chat with the cats.  Purring all around.

When I came home, Jana was her ever-cheerful, bright and fun self.  One of the things I love about her is her always-cheery disposition.  She acted glad to see me.

Jana needed to go to the library to return some books that were due so I volunteered to ride downtown with her.  She drove and as we rode she said, "I want to hear all about your weekend and I want to tell you about mine.  You go first, and don't leave anything out."

To Jana life is about experiences.  Whenever she is asked what she wants for a birthday or Christmas or Mothers' Day she always chirps, "Oh, give me an experience we can share."  For that reason it's not at all surprising that she wanted to talk about our respective weekends.  But the loving thing is that she offered, "You go first, and don't leave anything out."

On our first date many years ago we went to a young single adult dance.  Due to a misunderstanding (or more accurately, misunderhearing on my part) we arrived one hour early for the dance.  That normally spells disaster for a first, generally awkward, date.

But Jana turned a potentially awkward experience into an endearing one when, as we climbed into my little Opal Cadet, she started asking questions about me, my interests, my life.  Pretty soon I had my sketch pad out, talking about my passion for drawing.

Always interested in others and in their stories, over the course of a wonderful marriage Jana has opened my eyes to the wonder and gift of listening.  My life has been enriched as I've learned to value and reflect that gift, learning from a master.

But when we get together and have stories to tell Jana continues to share her loving thing when she begins, "You go first."  And she still acts as if what I have to say somehow means something.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Football vs. a Trip to Michael's

Jana has never been a sports enthusiast.  That is, until they invented Steve Young.  As a former BYU alum Jana became interested in him while he played for the San Francisco 49ers.  She then (as is her pattern) decided she wanted to learn more about the game of American football so she went to the library.

At the library she found a book titled "The Dark Side of the Game" by Tim Green and learned a lot of interesting facts about the inner workings of the game -- not the strategies, but the business, marketing and publicity sides.  This increased her interest and for Steve Young's last two years before retiring Jana didn't miss a televised game.  This is in spite of the fact that we didn't have a TV during those years so she arranged to watch the game at friends homes.

Once Steve retired Jana's interest lagged a bit but became reinstilled with college ball, particularly watching the Boise State Broncos over the past few years.

We'll, with the completion of the bowl games a week ago, college football is basically over for the season so tonight I found her in watching the Baltimore Ravens vs. the Indianapolis Colts.  At a break in the game she came into the office where I was and asked if I could go with her to Walmart.  She had been shopping there this afternoon and mistakenly bought some mousse instead of hairspray and wanted to go back to exchange it.

"I'd be happy to go because I need to run over to Michael's (a hobby store) and pick up a matte for a picture."

So out we went.  After leaving Walmart we had to drive by our house to go to Michael's.  As we approached the house I asked Jana if she wanted me to drop her off so she could get back to her game.  She thought for a moment then replied,

"No, I'll go with you to Michael's."

We didn't really talk about anything of significance during our drive across town but it was nice that Jana wanted to be with me for a few minutes.  It's  a loving thing to want to be with someone you love just to be with them; a trip to the grocery store or hobby store, it doesn't matter.  The thing is the time.  And it just so happens that Jana's love language is "quality time".  And Michael's qualifies.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

It Takes Two To Be A Bishop

Tonight was Family Home Evening with our singles.  It was movie night down at the church. I was running late as I had an emergency with a client that I had to get done before I could leave home.  That made me late for an appointment with a young woman.

I decided to take advantage of the chance of going to Family Home Evening with Jana.  I generally go alone early because I have people to meet.  But tonight I wanted to go with Jana and sit and eat popcorn and laugh and make fun of the movie, whatever it was.

My appointment ran long as that's what was needed.  We finished at about 8:30 and I thought,"Good. Now I can go join Jana and the rest of the kids."  I put on my coat.  But as I walked out the door my Relief Society president was in the clerk's office with another young woman.

"Bishop, do you have a minute?"

I walked into the clerk's office and chatted with her and the young woman and then she said, "Well, I'll see you later, Harriet (not her real name, although I did have a Harriet give me some massage therapy at my chiropractor's office this morning, but that's another story)."  Then as she disappeared around the door she mouthed to me, "Thank you."

I invited the young woman in and took off my coat.

This is a farily common occurrence on Monday evening at the church.  And for this young woman there was a real and immediate need.  I tell my ward members not to worry when they unload their burdens in my office.  "Dump everything right here.  We'll sort through it together.  And don't worry about the mess: the angels clean my office every night and throw away all the junk so you don't have to carry it around with you."

At about 9:30 I heard a knock at the door.  I answered it, knowing it would be Jana.  Sure enough.

"Is the movie over?" I asked.

"Yes, and I'm the last one here."

"Give me just a few minutes."

and I closed the door.  My visitor wasn't quite finished yet so I helped her come to an action step – something to work on.  Then, as I stood up to walk her to the door, I was prompted to ask, "Would you like a blessing?"

"Oh, yes. I really would."

So I slowed down and took a moment, hoping Jana would be all right waiting a moment longer.  It took a moment to connect but then the thoughts and inspiration came.  After the "Amen" I walked her to the door and said good night, then returned to put my coat on again.  I found Jana in the foyer talking to a young man in our congregation.  He's a wonderful young man, one I really admire and love being around.  They were just talking.  I noticed a light on down the hall and excused myself to go and make a quick sweep of the building to make sure it was locked up and lights were out.

I then returned and we all headed out.

Jana didn't express any impatience or question what took so long.  She just told me about her conversation with the young man.  Jana is so good talking with people one-on-one and getting them to share themselves.  Certainly her patience, in spite of her abandonment issues, was a loving thing for me.  But she was also expressing a loving thing in visiting with the young man who just needed a moment to open up and share some questions he has and some decisions he's trying to make.  

I've come to realize it takes two to be a bishop.  This calling is her's as well as mine.  It's a team effort.  Through it we'll both learn and grow. I think that's the point. 

I thought about the needs of those I visited with tonight, as well as those of quite a few others, as we pulled into the driveway. I turned off the key.

"Thank you so much for a calm and secure home."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, the steady place we are in our relationship at the moment.  I really need that certainty when I walk in our door so I have the solid footing I need to lift others."

 And that's what Jana does.  She provides a calm, happy, secure home that allows us both to grow; a place where we and those who enter here can find respite from the rain.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

A Romantic Day After Christmas

Arielle was born two days after Christmas.  It was pretty close to her due date but Jana wanted to make sure so she made an appointment for the day after Christmas to have her induced.  She was born the day after that.

So Arielle has the distinct advantage of making Christmas last for three days, ending with her birthday.  For this reason we generally leave our Christmas decorations up until New Year's.  But this year Arielle is headed to college on New Year's day so while Arielle was at work today Jana and I took down our Christmas decorations.  And actually we had a good time doing it.

It was fun working with Jana as we put things away for another year.  One by one the ornaments came off the tree.  I then hauled out the tree, leaving a trail of dried needles behind me.  Jana followed me out with a vacuum cleaner.  Cozy decorations and Santas and wooden crafty Christmassy things my mother and father have painted and made for us over the years found their way wrapped in garbage bags and laid in our two big Christmas bins to be transported to the garage and hoisted into the attic to await Christmas 2010.

I learned long ago that romance isn't really what the movies and songs suggest.  As Jana taught me many years ago, anytime I do something that lightens her load and communicates respect for her and the things she does I am being romantic.  This is why I can say Jana and I had a wonderfully romantic afternoon today, taking down and putting away our Christmas decorations.  Occasional glances and a touch here and there were really the only contact points, but working in the same room to the same end with Bing Crosby crooning in the background makes for a very romantic afternoon.  And that is truly a loving thing.

Now to pack up my daughter to deliver her to college.  Does anyone have a spare pillow case?
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

I'm the Luckiest

My oldest daughter, Chanel, was here this weekend and introduced Jana into the world of iPods.  She had an older iPod she was willing to lend Jana so she can listen to her favorite music.  The two of them sat in front of one of our computers sampling a huge file of music that Chanel has so Jana could select her own special mix.

In the end Jana had selected 150 songs for her personal playlist.  In addition to a huge number of classical selections and showtunes Chanel had made some suggestions of songs that Jana did not know, but which she knew my wife would love.

Since this weekend I have found Jana, at night before going to bed, sitting in our wingback bedroom "reading chair" with her head plugged into the iPod, eyes closed, blissfully conducting a room filled with silence.

As I sat here at my computer this evening preparing to write tonight's post, pajama-clad Jana came in.

"You have to listen to this.  This is one of the songs Chanel suggested I add to my list. I wish you had written it."

Before we were married I used to write and perform music.  I think it may have been one of the things that caught Jana's attention when we were getting to know each other while co-directing a play production.  I had written one of the songs for the play and one evening, backstage, I played a few of my songs for her.  Later I wrote a couple for her as our relationship continued to grow.

The song Jana wanted me to hear is a beautiful song, "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds.  I was familiar with it and enjoyed plugging into the iPod while Jana silently watched me listen, a faint satisfied, giving smile in her countenance.

Her simple comment, "I wish you had written it", was a loving thing to me because it meant the message and emotion of the song made her think of me.  I don't sing or write as often as I used to.  But lately I have pulled out my old guitar, dusted it off, tuned it up and, usually late at night, have played alone in the bedroom.  Jana came in the other night while I was playing and said, "I love to hear you play again."

Just maybe I will.

Click to listen for yourself.




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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.