Heart Soap

It's been a long time since I've posted my Loving Things.  Life happens.  Concerns drain emotions.


I don't apologize for my absence.  I only regret.  Regret so many Loving Things that have gone unnoticed, unacknowledged, unappreciated.  But today I notice.  And then, perhaps, again tomorrow.  And if I string enough appreciative todays together, I know it will make a difference and my life will continue to grow richer.

I just got out of the shower.  I use "shower gloves" when I shower.  When visiting my sister a few years ago she had some hanging in her shower.  I thought, "Hey, here is a thing I never new existed.  I wonder what it's like."

So I tried them.  Hey, she's my sister.

They were rough and invigorating and I felt like they were scrubbing away the dead cells and grime.  Plus it was so much easier than fumbling with a washcloth.  When I got back home to Idaho I bought my own, at Walmart.  I stuck a couple pieces of the prickly side of adhesive-backed velcro on my shower wall and there they hang, ready to invigorate my morning.

While showering I reached for the soap and noticed it was about done for.  Often I have come to that same realization, thinking, "I'd better throw that away and put a new bar in the shower so Jana doesn't have to step out of the shower, dripping wet, to get a new one."  But being a man of very limited retention, I generally forget.

So today I thought, "I've just got to remember this."  So, using a mind trick I use not often enough, I projected forward and pictured myself getting out of the shower and, after drying off and before grabbing my undiewear, reaching for a piece of toilet paper, opening the shower door, grabbing the slippery fragment, throwing it away, opening the cupboard where we keep the new bars, unwrapping it and placing it on the soap ledge.  I then intentionally cemented it to my mind, on purpose, then finished my wash-glove scrub.

Sure enough, my mind trick worked, as it usually does when I take the time to do it.

But as I was placing the fresh bar of soap on the soap ledge I thought, "You know, there is always a fresh bar in the cupboard.  Always.  Somehow Jana always has a fresh bar of soap, an extra bottle of shampoo, a stack of toilet paper, an unopened roll of paper towels under the kitchen sink, a new box of butter in the fridge, a fresh loaf of bread when the old one is finished.  Always.

How magical is that.  It reminds me of my magic undiewear drawer.

If I were to have to live alone, how many times would I have to step out of the shower naked and wet, trapse across the bathroom leaving wet footprints and realize I need to buy soap before finally adding it to my shopping list.

I'm so grateful to Jana for her competent care in the hundreds of tiny tasks that are required to keep our home running smoothly.  That is truly a competent thing.  That is truly a loving thing.

And for once Jana has a fresh bar of soap for the morning.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Something Up My Sleeve

A couple evenings ago I was at the church involved in some meetings.  In a break I was in the stake clerk's office and the stake president (my ecclesiastical leader) and I were chatting over some issues involving my congregation.

I have a tendency to speak with my hands.  At one point in our conversation I happened to notice my left hand.  There appeared to be something protruding from my sleeve.  As I looked down it also caught the attention of the stake president.

I reached over, capturing it with my fingertips.  The conversation stopped as we both watched in curiosity, as if a magician were revealing a silk handkerchief, as I pulled out . . . a dryer sheet.  How I managed to put my newly washed shirt on without finding or feeling it I have no idea.

Even so, in spite of the good laugh we had, it was a sweet reminder of how Jana thoughtfully keeps me supplied with clean white shirts, all three of them.  I consider it to be a sweet and loving thing.  I am so grateful for her care and her loving service.

Note:  Jana just interrupted me as she found a spider on the kitchen counter.  I don't even need the point she offered.  I would think clean white shirts to far exceed any number of spider exterminations.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

The Rules of the Game

I don't expect there are very many men reading this blog but I feel it my obligation tonight to share with any male readers the "rules of the game".  I"m almost sure no one has told you this – I just learned the rules myself after I had been married for 23 years – but it's best that you understand them now rather than later, rather than lulling yourself into a state of ignorant security.

The rules are simple, but not necessarily easy.  And there is a scoring system that is critical to understand.  For example, knowing that a touchdown scores your team 6 points, a safety scores 2, etc., makes the game of football far more understandable.  So let me explain.

Rule #1 
When you do something kind, sweet, unexpected (in a good way) or thoughtful for your wife you get one point.  That sounds simple enough.  However, it doesn't matter how big or small or even how much effort you put into the action.  Sincerity is the deciding factor.  If you wash the dishes without being asked: one point; if you volunteer to prepare dinner (and actually do it, not just volunteer): one point;  if you take her on a cruise to the Caribbean: one point!

Rule #2
You can only earn one point in a day.  No more.  As in the above example, wash the dishes once: one point; wash the dishes after each meal: one point; Caribbean cruise: one point!  That's it.  Once your point is earned that day, no more points no matter how many other nice things you do.

Rule #3
You can not "carry over" points from one day to the next.  Each day starts fresh and the point for that day (if you earn one) must be accomplished that day.

Rule #4
You can lose your point for the day (assuming you earned one) by doing something ignorant, rude, forgotten, thoughtless or just plain stooopid.

Rule #5
There is no limit to the number of points you can lose in a day!  You can earn one, but then, through thoughtlessness, forgetfulness or unkindness, can lose 5 or even more, putting you in a negative standing for the day.  Points accumulate over your lifetime.

Rule #6
Your wife is the sole judge of the points earned.  Any decision rendered by the judge is binding, nonnegotiable and can not be appealed.

Any questions?

Now, I had to explain the rules of the game in order for you to appreciate Jana's loving thing to me.

Monday, January 18th, was Martin Luther King day.  I already shared what Jana and I did on that day since she had the day off work.

Our garbage day is on Wednesday.  Whenever there is a holiday on Monday this pushes our garbage day back to Thursday.  I have mentioned that occasionally I have been known to miss garbage day so our garbage stacks up for two weeks.  Such was the case the week before, and our cans were stuffed full.  Well, last week, on Wednesday morning I thought, "Monday was a holiday.  I wonder if the garbage man will come by today or tomorrow."  To cover my bases I went ahead and took my garbage cans to the curb, "just in case".

About two that afternoon I looked up from my computer when I heard a commotion outside and saw the garbage truck pull up to the curb.  I chortled in my joy:  "I win!"

As if that weren't enough, I then went outside and brought the empty cans back to the garage.  I then promptly forgot all about it as I went back to work.

After work, lately, Jana has been stopping off at the Rec Center on her way home as it's just next door to the hospital where she works.  When she got home shortly after 5:00 she went through her afterwork routine then came into the office.  "Did you take the garbage out today?"

Wait, wait! I know the answer to this!

"Yes." (Calmly)

"You did?  I'm so happy!  For that you get three points!"

Remember Rule #6?  I'm not about to argue the score!  Breaking the rules of the game just for you is definitely a loving thing!
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU. 
 

There May Be a Hole in the Bucket But Breakfast is on the Table

Monday morning when I got up Jana asked if I would go put some gas in the van so she could make it the one mile to work, and so we'd have enough to make it to the Ison Family Christmas Home Evening in Boise that evening.

Out the door I headed.

However, once outside I saw it had snowed our first shovelable snow during the night, maybe an inch.  I can't stand walking on new snow on my sidewalk knowing that when I do the footsteps will turn to ice making it twice as hard to shovel later.  So I headed for the garage to grab my snow shovel.  I shoveled out to the street then realized that the kids would soon be headed for school across the street.  So I turned right and shoveled to the corner.

We live on a corner lot so I then went ahead and shoveled down the side street to the neighbor's yard so the kids could walk on a clean sidewalk. I then headed back and went the other way.  My next door neighbor is an older single woman and I always shovel her walks so I headed across her property to the alley by the seminary building.

Heading back to my yard I shoveled around the van.  I then started the van to warm it up.  I grabbed the show brush and cleaned the van of its snowy blanket.  This, of course, deposited snow on the ground where I had just shoveled so I shoveled around the van again.  I then made the full circle and shoveled back to the front door from the driveway.

Retiring the shovel to the front porch I got in the van and headed for Maverick two blocks away to fill the gas tank, finally returning home with gas in the van.

In our daily morning routine I cook breakfast.  I headed into the house to get started on breakfast, but to my great delight, when I walked in breakfast was already ready and on the table.  Jana had gone ahead and prepared breakfast for us and it was waiting as I walked in the door.  I really appreciated that simple loving thing.  I had been concerned about being late and putting our morning schedule into panic mode.

My morning kinda reminds me of the old Scout song I used to lead, "There's a hole in the bucket".  But at least in the real life version, this morning, it ended with breakfast.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Ten Pounds of Potatoes in a Five Pound Sack

Tonight Jana offered to make a phone call for me.  On the surface it sounds pretty inconse-quential.  But the effect of loving things is often the context in which they are offered.  Let me explain.

Last night we had our annual family Christmas home evening.  Jana and I brought her mother with us and we all had such a wonderful evening, complete with a visit from Santa and our not-to-be-missed white elephant gift exchange.  (I won a matching set of cassette tape programs titled "How to Light Her Fire" and "How to Light His Fire".  Sounds like some quality time coming up.)

After the party we took mother back home.  When we arrived home and got inside mother was feeling quite ill.  She was shaking uncontrollably although she didn't feel feverish and the house was warm.  She asked me if I would give her a blessing, which I did.  That plus the complaint of a chest pain made me decide to spend the night to make sure she was all right.

Mom has a young woman who stays with her at night so she won't be alone.  She arrived shortly after we did.  We decided to send her home with Jana and my daughter.

Mother was feeling better this morning.  I called her doctor and made arrangements for an appointment in the afternoon, then, after fixing her some breakfast and seeing that her day helper was on top of things, I headed home so I could get my daughter to a dental appointment.  After snatching a couple hours of work I headed back to mother's at 12:30 so I could get her to her annual eye doctor appointment which was followed by her primary care doctor appointment I had made this morning.  As a result of her exam the doctor suggested she needed a chest x-ray so he made arrangements and we headed to an imaging center.

I had a young woman who was to meet me at 5:00 for an interview back at home which would be followed by an evening of interviews at the church starting at 7:00.  When we arrived at the imaging center I called Jana to give her an update as to what was going on.  I caught her just as she and my daughter were heading out to do some shopping.  I mentioned my concern about getting home by 5:00 and Jana simply asked, "Can I call the young woman for you to see if she can change your appointment?"

I know that to some that doesn't seem like a big thing.  And I guess it's not.  But I had been worrying and watching the time trying to figure out how I was going to make everything work, especially with the added x-ray appointment.  Jana was able to see that you can't fit 10 pounds of potatoes in a 5 pound sack and just lightened my load by offering to take care of it for me.  The cheerful tone in her voice and the offer of help was, to me, truly a loving thing.

As it worked out, I got home shortly before 7:00, just in time to change my clothes and be 15 minutes late for my first evening appointment.  I pulled out of the driveway just as Jana and my daughter were pulling in.  We waived as we passed.  The afternoon and evening all worked out just fine, thanks to Jana's thoughtfulness with a simple offer of help.

Shortly before 10:00 tonight I called Jana as I was leaving the church to come home.  She asked if I had any money with me as we needed milk for breakfast.  I said I didn't, to which she replied, "Well, stop and get me and I'll go with you to the store."  It is taking advantage of unexpected moments, like going to the store together on a -3 degree night, that binds the ties of love in a relationship.  I'm so grateful Jana thinks to take advantage of those moments.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Hot Bread, Strawberry Jam and Being Included

On Sunday mornings, just before I head out the door to my meetings, I wake up Jana so we can have a morning prayer together.  I usually just kneel by the bed while she stays tucked in and we hold hands as we pray.  I then don't see her until church and talk to her briefly between meetings.

Today during our Sunday School hour I was a few minutes late and slipped into the class, finding the first chair available.  After a few minutes the teacher asked a question and I turned to see who was responding when I saw Jana sitting on the back row.  I grabbed my books and slipped out the door (there are two doors in that classroom), went around and came back in the second door and slipped in beside her.

After a few minutes she leaned over to me and said, "I've invited a couple guests over to our house this evening."  She had invited two of the young women in our ward over just to visit and play games.

When we got home after an evening "fireside" Christmas meeting, Chanel's car (Chanel is my oldest daughter) was in the driveway – always a good thing.  We came inside and I got a fire going in the fireplace to warm things up.  Arielle got started making some bread, partially as a treat and partially as a "white elephant" gift at our family home evening Christmas party tomorrow.

Soon the young woman from our ward came over and we had a wonderful time talking, playing games and polishing off a loaf of hot bread and home made strawberry jam the moment it came out of the oven.

Jana is a wonderful hostess when it comes to making people feel at home.  Her thoughtfulness in inviting these two wonderful young women over for an informal evening just to relax and visit was truly a loving thing.  I am so grateful for her gift for making people feel comfortable.  That ability was also the thing that made me feel relaxed and comfortable on our first date.  It really works!

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Pork Roast and Heart

Some months ago I started changing some of my eating habits to improve my health.  These eating habits required some small changes in our grocery shopping, including more protein in my diet along with more veggies.  Jana does the grocery shopping for our family so she was the one who did the greatest amount of preparation work to accommodate my changes.

This afternoon she did some minor grocery shopping to restock the larder.  An hour or so later she was getting ready to go pick up our daughter from work.  I wandered into the kitchen and she was just putting a pork roast in the crock pot.

"I'm just putting this roast in so it will be ready in a couple hours.  I also have some chicken and some ground beef that I'll cook up so you'll have plenty of variety to choose from this week."

Precooking the meats and putting them in the fridge makes meal planning for myself so much easier during the week.  This kind service Jana does is really just for me as this meat isn't really used much for family evening meals.  I am so grateful for this loving thing that is so helpful to me.

It's after 11:00 now and Jana is still up (listening to her iPod) waiting for the pork roast to cool down so she can bag it and put it in the fridge.  You know, I really think I can probably do that, so I'd better sign off.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Love in a Garbage Can

Today was Garbage Day. The garbage is my job.  On Wednesday morning I march through the house and empty all the wastebaskets and haul them outside. I then drag the three garbage cans all the way out to the curb (nearly 40 feet I'm sure). After the city sanitation engineers dutifully pick them up (anytime between 9:00am and 4:30pm) I march the empty garbage cans back next to the garage door to await another week.

I, of course, make sure to let Jana know that I remembered to take the garbage out when she comes home from work.  She needs to and wants to know this, I'm sure.  I'm also sure this act of vigilance on my part helps her feel cared for.  This is necessary because I have been known to forget from time to time – not very often, mind you. (Although I do have to admit that if my garbage cans aren't out to the curb by about 9:30, my single, older next door neighbor often calls to remind me.)

At any rate, it is my manly duty and I dute it ... most of the time ... except when I forget ... which is rare ... I assure you. And I always let Jana know when she comes home so she'll know I've done my duty as husband and protector. She then, generally, gives me that brief look that says something like "Well, good for you."  (Sometimes she'll even throw me a biscuit.)

Two weeks ago I dutifully did my husbandly duty and quietly gave myself a pat on the back for remembering.  During the day we had some Idaho weather.  Those of you not from around here need to know this means we had "mixed weather", changing every ten minutes.  The sanitation engineers showed up at around 3:00 that afternoon, even late for them.  I absent mindedly noticed the truck but was in the middle of a project and didn't get up to go bring the garbage cans in ... especially since it was seriously "wind-ing" (that's Jana-oan for "the wind was a'blowing").

The plastic garbage cans started blowing around and rolling in the street, but I really needed to get my project done.

Shortly after 4:00 Jana pulled in.  She walked in the door, her normal afterwork cheerful self, and headed for the bathroom, her normal afterwork cheerful ritual.  I continued to work.  Finally, just before dinner, I remembered the garbage cans.  I headed outside but couldn't see them.  At first I thought they might have blown down the street but as I walked out to the driveway I saw them, neatly sitting in their place by the garage door, lids on and everything.

Jana had pulled in, saw the garbage cans and brought them in.  Nothing remarkable really, other than it's not her responsibility.  She just saw the need, assumed I had been busy and did it.  But I guess the real significance was that, unlike some people I resemble, she hadn't said a word: no comment about them being blown around and scattered; not a word about whose job it was; no mention of "I brought the garbage cans in for you."  Just the small act of service, without the fanfare or the trumpets or the "sounding brass and tinkling cymbals".  Just her normal afterwork cheerful, "Helllloooo."

I'm not sure where service ends and love begins.  But it seems, at least with Jana, they are the same thing, a loving thing.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Sometimes Love is Blurry-Eyed

On this Thanksgiving Holiday weekend we have made it a habit to stay up late (1:00 to 2:00 am) visiting with my daughters and my son and daughter-in-law who are in town for the holiday weekend.  What fun it's been playing "Grandma & Grandpa" to our 3 year old grandson.  Jana took Friday off work just to make the holiday more festive, which means the luxury of staying up late and sleeping in equally late.

Even so, holiday weekend or not, our ward had the responsibility of cleaning the church today (we have the fourth Saturday of each month to clean the church and make it ready for Sunday meetings) at 8:00 am.  All by itself, 8:00 am isn't early, except when placed in the context of it being Saturday in addition to the mix of holiday indulgence.

After a 5 hour night I rolled out of bed to get ready to go clean the Cheerios off the chapel benches.  After dressing I walked over to Jana's side of the bed and she was out cold, blissfully enjoying her cozy slumber. I didn't really want to wake her, wishing I was still cocooned on the other side of the bed, but I gently patted her hip and she aroused semi-consciously.

"Sweetheart, I"m getting ready to head to the church to clean."

"Uh. OK." she mumbled, not moving.

I headed to the kitchen to grab a banana, then outside to get the car warmed up.  I had decided to not trouble her again, figuring that if she fell back asleep, she deserved it.

Back in the kitchen I stood, eating my banana when Jana came walking in.  "I'm ready."

Neither of us had done any more personal preparation than to drag combs through our hair and, given my unshaved, unshowered state, I was grateful her eyes were having a hard  time focusing.

We headed for the car and drove off to tackle the awaiting vacuums, the 14 miles of halls and the crushed Cheerio dust.

Without complaint or even a word about how short the night had been or how warm the bed was, Jana was there: blurry-eyed, dressed and selflessly supportive.  A simple but loving thing.  How grateful I am for her.

(Parenthetically, my first counselor gave me two tickets to Applebees for a High School Band fundraiser breakfast so we had breakfast after cleaning the church before coming home and starting another special day of playing Grandma and Grandpa.)
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.