Water Closet Congregation

Several months ago Jana's work schedule changed.  With that change our morning routine changed as well.  We get up a little before 5:00 and head to the Rec Center.  There we work out and energize the start to our day.  Jana generally walks the indoor track and I walk, workout in the weight room or ride a bike.

She usually finishes first and waits a few minutes for me to finish my last lap.  But this morning when I walked off the track Jana was nowhere to be seen.  I looked down the mezzanine that is suspended midway through the building above the gym floor on one side and the pools on the other, lined with every imaginable piece of cardiovascular equipment (and a few unimaginable ones), toward the bathroom end of the second floor.  No Jana.

I asked a woman I know if she had seen my sweetheart.  "I think I saw her on the track."  I thought that was unusual but waited about three minutes to see if she would come 'round the bend.  But she didn't.

I went downstairs to see if she was waiting there for me.  No Jana.

I headed back up again and stood at one end of the mezzanine where, if she came out of hiding somewhere, she'd be sure to see me.  I was a little worried, for two reasons.  One, she is very predictable because after our workout she is anxious to get home and get ready for work.  And two, she is very predictable.

I glanced over at the coat rack where we hang our coats and Jana's grey, oversized BYUI sweatshirt was hanging there.  "Well, she's still in the building" I thought.

After another five minutes I finally saw her, coming out of the women's restroom at the opposite end of the mezzanine.  I walked over and grabbed her sweatshirt so I could help her on with it and as I held it out so she could slip her arm in the sleeve I asked, "Are you all right?" thinking maybe she wasn't feeling well.

"Perfectly.  I was just giving my Sunday School lesson in the loo.  Oh, it's going to be such a good lesson."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes.  I was all alone except for this other lady.  I could have given it out loud because she had her hair dryer on and it was so loud you couldn't hear a thing."

Jana is a wonderful teacher.  She currently teaches the Marriage and Family Relations class in our ward.  I just love her unaffected, matter-of-fact approach to life, like "What's unusual about giving a lesson in the loo?"  That's one of the loving things I appreciate about her.

And I'm sure Jana's water closet congregation really enjoyed the lesson as well.

Whited Sepulcher

Jana just came in to give me a kiss goodbye as she heads for work.

We have a rule in our marriage.  Not really a rule, a tradition, really.  No, on second thought, it's a rule.  "The last one up makes the bed."  Most of the time that's Jana but today it was me.

As she kissed me goodbye this morning she said with a smile, "You made the bed like a 'whited sepulcher'."

Me: blank stare.

Then I finally got it.  "Oh, was the sheet under the bedspread wrinkled?"

"More like wadded up." Giggle.

 I love Jana's lilting giggle.  Her gentle teasing keeps me grounded.  That's a loving thing, by the way.

Well, I'd better go remake the bed. 

PS  Actually the kitty likes a lumpy bed.  She can find fluffy places.
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Teal Subarus

Thursday was my daughter, Chanel's, birthday.  Jana and I had made arrangements to meet her at a restaurant in Boise where we had her birthday dinner.

After dinner we headed to Chanel's apartment on the other side of town.  As we headed toward the freeway Chanel got ahead of us.  Jana and I were chatting as we drove along.  Suddenly, Jana said, "Hey, Chanel is turning left ahead.  You'd better follow her."

"That doesn't make sense.  The freeway is the fastest way to get to her place."

"Well, she obviously knows the best way to get home so you'd better follow her."

I dutifully followed Jana's instructions and I pulled into the left turn lane behind Chanel.  I couldn't figure out why Chanel would turn away from the freeway.  As I sat there looking it seemed to me it really didn't look like Chanel in front of me.  The car color was teal, like Chanel's.  The driver was wearing sunglasses, like Chanel.  Her hair was cut, combed and colored, like Chanel's.  But the car was a teal Subaru and not a teal Prism, like Chanel's.

By now, cars were lined up next to me so I couldn't change lanes.  I waited out the light, turned the corner and found a place to turn around.  Eventually, we made it to the freeway.  By the time we made it to Chanel's apartment, she wondered what took us so long.

Over our years together I have come to trust Jana's judgment – the loving thing she brings to our partnership.  She is a wise woman.  I trust her instincts.  I trust her ability to see through the superficials of life and zero in on the essentials.  For that reason I have made it a habit to act when she suggests action.  Only then do I think and reason and consider the suggestion.  Every once in a while her suggestion lines us up in the left turn lane behind a teal Subaru.  But her judgment is correct so frequently that I have learned the wisest route is to follow her counsel and risk the occasional Subaru.

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Something Up My Sleeve

A couple evenings ago I was at the church involved in some meetings.  In a break I was in the stake clerk's office and the stake president (my ecclesiastical leader) and I were chatting over some issues involving my congregation.

I have a tendency to speak with my hands.  At one point in our conversation I happened to notice my left hand.  There appeared to be something protruding from my sleeve.  As I looked down it also caught the attention of the stake president.

I reached over, capturing it with my fingertips.  The conversation stopped as we both watched in curiosity, as if a magician were revealing a silk handkerchief, as I pulled out . . . a dryer sheet.  How I managed to put my newly washed shirt on without finding or feeling it I have no idea.

Even so, in spite of the good laugh we had, it was a sweet reminder of how Jana thoughtfully keeps me supplied with clean white shirts, all three of them.  I consider it to be a sweet and loving thing.  I am so grateful for her care and her loving service.

Note:  Jana just interrupted me as she found a spider on the kitchen counter.  I don't even need the point she offered.  I would think clean white shirts to far exceed any number of spider exterminations.

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A Cat Named "Book"

Chanel was over the other evening.  She sometimes pops in of an evening and, of course, wherever she goes a party erupts.

As we sat on the couch just talking and teasing she commented, "I heard of a book the other day called, "A Cat Named 'Book'.  It's about a cat that was kind of a library cat, in a real library."

Well that's all it took to get Jana's ideas humming:

"I can just hear them now: 'Would someone get that Book off the shelf?'"

"Don't trip over the Book."

"Where did that Book go?"

To which Chanel chimed in,

"Book had kittens.  She named them Chapters."

To which Jana responded,

"Now where did that Book put her Chapters?"

When Jana and Chanel get going it's like watching a world class ping pong match.  Ah, humor.  Certainly a loving and necessary thing, especially in a marriage.

Photo credit – Sydney, Australia, photographer Daniel Boud

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The Rules of the Game

I don't expect there are very many men reading this blog but I feel it my obligation tonight to share with any male readers the "rules of the game".  I"m almost sure no one has told you this – I just learned the rules myself after I had been married for 23 years – but it's best that you understand them now rather than later, rather than lulling yourself into a state of ignorant security.

The rules are simple, but not necessarily easy.  And there is a scoring system that is critical to understand.  For example, knowing that a touchdown scores your team 6 points, a safety scores 2, etc., makes the game of football far more understandable.  So let me explain.

Rule #1 
When you do something kind, sweet, unexpected (in a good way) or thoughtful for your wife you get one point.  That sounds simple enough.  However, it doesn't matter how big or small or even how much effort you put into the action.  Sincerity is the deciding factor.  If you wash the dishes without being asked: one point; if you volunteer to prepare dinner (and actually do it, not just volunteer): one point;  if you take her on a cruise to the Caribbean: one point!

Rule #2
You can only earn one point in a day.  No more.  As in the above example, wash the dishes once: one point; wash the dishes after each meal: one point; Caribbean cruise: one point!  That's it.  Once your point is earned that day, no more points no matter how many other nice things you do.

Rule #3
You can not "carry over" points from one day to the next.  Each day starts fresh and the point for that day (if you earn one) must be accomplished that day.

Rule #4
You can lose your point for the day (assuming you earned one) by doing something ignorant, rude, forgotten, thoughtless or just plain stooopid.

Rule #5
There is no limit to the number of points you can lose in a day!  You can earn one, but then, through thoughtlessness, forgetfulness or unkindness, can lose 5 or even more, putting you in a negative standing for the day.  Points accumulate over your lifetime.

Rule #6
Your wife is the sole judge of the points earned.  Any decision rendered by the judge is binding, nonnegotiable and can not be appealed.

Any questions?

Now, I had to explain the rules of the game in order for you to appreciate Jana's loving thing to me.

Monday, January 18th, was Martin Luther King day.  I already shared what Jana and I did on that day since she had the day off work.

Our garbage day is on Wednesday.  Whenever there is a holiday on Monday this pushes our garbage day back to Thursday.  I have mentioned that occasionally I have been known to miss garbage day so our garbage stacks up for two weeks.  Such was the case the week before, and our cans were stuffed full.  Well, last week, on Wednesday morning I thought, "Monday was a holiday.  I wonder if the garbage man will come by today or tomorrow."  To cover my bases I went ahead and took my garbage cans to the curb, "just in case".

About two that afternoon I looked up from my computer when I heard a commotion outside and saw the garbage truck pull up to the curb.  I chortled in my joy:  "I win!"

As if that weren't enough, I then went outside and brought the empty cans back to the garage.  I then promptly forgot all about it as I went back to work.

After work, lately, Jana has been stopping off at the Rec Center on her way home as it's just next door to the hospital where she works.  When she got home shortly after 5:00 she went through her afterwork routine then came into the office.  "Did you take the garbage out today?"

Wait, wait! I know the answer to this!

"Yes." (Calmly)

"You did?  I'm so happy!  For that you get three points!"

Remember Rule #6?  I'm not about to argue the score!  Breaking the rules of the game just for you is definitely a loving thing!
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We May As Well Hold Hands

Today was Martin Luther King's holiday and Jana had the day off.  We decided to play so we arranged to meet Jana's sister in town to see the movie "The Blind Side".

Before leaving town Jana needed to drop something off at a friend's home.  When we got there I decided to go with Jana to the door just to say "Hi" before rushing off.  I left the engine running since we were going to be just a moment.

When we got back to the van I walked Jana to the passenger door and noticed it was locked, so I went over to my side to unlock it.  But my door was locked too.  We were locked out of our van with the engine running.

Jana thought she could ask her friend to give her a ride home, but then we realized that the house would be locked as well and the key was still in the ignition of the running van.  I called our neighbor and asked her if she had a key to our home and she didn't.

"Well, I guess I'd better call the lock shop."

A good friend of mine owns the lock shop and another friend is the office manager there so they teased me a bit when I called for their "professional services".  The manager said, "I've got one of the guys right here and I'll send him right over."

Great.  But by now we were running late on meeting Jana's sister at the theater.  I called her and told her our predicament.  She was already on her way to the theater to meet us but turned to go home until we called her back.

The lock shop wasn't very far away so I saw the familiar blue AAA-1 Lock and Key van turn the corner.  My friend, the owner, got out with a big smile on his face.  "What are you doing here?"  After joking with me for a moment he went around to the side door of his van and pulled out a bent wire with a hook on the end, came over to the passenger side of my van, reached the wire down into the door and, Pop!, the door was unlocked.

I followed him back to his van and said, "What do I owe you?"

"Don't worry about it.  It's free today.  Have fun."  And then he left.

I went to the door of the home and told Jana, "We're ready to go."

"So soon?"

As we headed down the road I called Jana's sister back and told her we were on our way.  She turned around and headed back to the theater.  I apologized to Jana for goofing things up and causing the delay.  She never complained or even criticized me – or even made fun of me for that matter.  I'm not sure I would have had such restraint.

As we got out of our van to walk to the theater doors, Jana turned to me and said, "As long as we have these physical bodies we may as well hold hands."  She then reached over and took my hand.

We met Jana's sister in the theater and sat down in our seats just as the previews started.

Our time in these physical bodies is limited.  We'll have all kinds of little trials, inconveniences and learning experiences while we're here.  After all, we came here to earth to learn and these bodies are part of the lab equipment.  So I suppose the loving thing would be that, as long as we have these physical bodies, we may as well hold hands.
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The "7 Second, Steamy Glasses" Kiss

Friday night is supposed to be date night.  But all too often, I confess, that when Friday night comes along all I want to do is turn off the brain and it ends up, "Do you want to watch a video?"  So this week I decided that isn't good enough, Jana deserves better.  So on Thursday I sent Jana an email at work,

Would you please check your schedule and see if you're free to go out with me tomorrow night?  I'll pick you up a about 5:30.

RSVP
LOVE, Kevin

To which I received her reply,

I am so free    :)

When she got home I reminded her a couple of times about being ready at 5:30.  "I've taken care of everything, including a babysitter for the kids."  (We had delivered our youngest to college last weekend.)

Then, to add to the anticipation, I reminded her to be ready at 5:30 when she left for work Friday morning.  I emailed her a couple hours later,

I have a love for you.  Be ready at 5:30.

When she got home I was engrossed in finishing up some projects and pushing to get finished by 5:30.  At 5:34 I turned off the computer and went into the bedroom where Jana was reading and said, "Are you ready to go?"

We headed out the door to a simple restaurant nearby and had dinner.  Some friends were also at the restaurant and were sitting just a table away.  When we arrived we chatted with them for a few minutes, but other than that I intentionally ignored them so Jana and I could just talk.  (My normal behavior would have been to continue an ongoing conversation with them through the meal.)  We just talked about our day and whatever else came to mind.  We were finished eating at 6:30 and just sat chatting. 

When we finally left we leisurely drove to our sister-in-law's home where I had arranged for us to spend the evening visiting.  Our brother-in-law passed away just before Christmas and it was good to visit with her and see her in excellent spirits.  We had a wonderful time.   It was also fun visiting with our nephew from out of town who has stayed with her since the funeral.  He has been so kind and caring.  As we left I told Loretta,

"Thank you for being our date tonight."

"I was your date?  Well, thank you for having your date with me.  You can come over for a date anytime."

It was particularly cold tonight and as we pulled into the driveway we scuttled into the house to get warm.  After we got into our empty house I gave Jana a kiss.  You know, the excuse for a kiss we always seem to give: a quick peck.  But I thought, that's not right.  I've been listening to a tape series I won at our annual Ison family Christmas party white elephant exchange called "Light Her Fire".  It was recorded back in the 90s and I'm sure it was picked up for the party at a thrift store, but I've been enjoying it.  One of the stories shared in the series told of a couple who had come to a marriage counselor seeking a divorce.  The dialogue went something like this,

Wife:  When he comes home from work he never kisses me.

Husband:  She's off her nut.  I kiss her every night when I come home.

Wife:  You call that a kiss?  It's a peck.  You may as well be kissing a rock.

Therapist, to the wife:  What would you consider a real kiss.

Wife:  Well, I don't know.  I know it when I feel it.

Therapist:  No, that's not good enough.  With men you need to be specific.  Exactly how long of a kiss do you want?

Wife:  I don't know . . . maybe . . . 7 seconds.

Therapist, to the husband:  OK.  You have your assignment.  This week, every evening, when you come home from work, I want you to give your wife a 7 second kiss.  Do you think you can do that?

The next week, when the couple came for their visit they were asked how their week went.  The husband replied "Fantastic!", then told their story.

Jana and I had listened to the tapes on our way home from dropping off our daughter at school last Monday, so I suggested to Jana, "No, I want a 7 second kiss."  She willingly obliged.

Afterward she asked,

"How long was that?"

"9 seconds."

"Well, it steamed up my glasses."

I looked at her and, sure enough, I couldn't even see her eyes through the foggy lenses.  You know, I highly advocate the "7 second, steamy glasses kiss" as a truly loving thing.  I can't think of a better way to finish up a date, or for whenever you get back together after being apart for any length of time for that matter. 
 

Notation:  This post will probably embarrass our children, but that's their problem.
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Mush-Talk

When I was a teen, living at home, I knew my parents loved each other.  My dad's entire life seems to be dedicated to making my mother comfortable and helping her pursue her constant stream of creative ideas.  As kids we were no strangers to my parents display of affection for each other.  In their example I am truly blessed.

Even so, I could never imagine them making romantic, even mushy, love talk between them.

Jana and I are packing Arielle to college in two days.  Tonight I had worked it so I didn't have any meetings or appointments.  I wanted to be home and help out in getting her ready.  So, we went shopping.  Arielle was looking for specific pieces of her wardrobe which were yet lacking: a warm sweater, another pair of pants, athletic shoes; plus a couple culinary items: a colander, microwavable containers and measuring cups.

As we were shopping, somewhere between Maurice's and Old Navy Jana said, "Let me look at those pants."  She was referring to the fact that I bought a pair of Levi's at the Deseret Industries to replace a pair I had shrunk out of.  Then she said,

"I like the way those pants fit.  And I like that sweater; it's very manly.  And I like that shirt.  And I like that red jacket.  I like how it all looks together.  And I like what's in it."

See, I couldn't have pictured my dad, as demonstrably loving as he is, talking to my mom in that way, all mushy-like.  Jana didn't say it within earshot of Arielle, otherwise Arielle would have thrown up all over the Old Navy floor tile.  But I loved it.  And that, class, is a loving thing: mush-talk.  If you want to keep the pilot light on your love turned on, learn to mush-talk.
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Potty Passion

The other morning, after breakfast, Jana was getting ready to go to work.  I happened to be indisposed when she was ready to leave.

In our home our toilet/shower is separated from the rest of the bathroom by a pocket door but I have a three-way light switch in the bathroom that controls the light in the toilet.  At 7:30 this time of year it's still dark.  Suddenly, the light in the toilet (where I was ensconced) turned off leaving me momentarily in the dark.

"I love you.  Have a great day."

Then the light turned back on to the faint sound of a giggle.

A little thing.  A little loving thing.  I love little loving things.
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