Launchpad

As empty nesters my wife and I have created a predictable, functional morning routine that gets our day started.  We begin by going to the local rec center bright and early to open the eyes and get the blood pumping.  When we get home Jana showers while I read the scriptures.  I then cook breakfast for us.

After our morning prayer we eat breakfast and read the scriptures together.  She then heads for the bedroom to read the paper while I wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen.  Together we drive to her bus stop where she catches a commuter bus to work.

The other morning Jana, as she sat on the bus bench while I stood keeping an eye out for the bus, turned to me, pulled aside the hood of her pink winter coat with her bemittened hand and said, "I sure appreciate your driving me to the bus every morning.  It just helps me start my day in a happy way.  You're my launchpad.  You launch me into my day."

What a sweet thing to say.  That made me feel loved and appreciated.  It motivates me to keep doing it, every day.  It's little, unexpected loving things like that, unrequested and often undeserved, that make a marriage – and any valued relationship – one that encourages us to try a little harder to give a little more, to be a little more and to love a little more each day.  I know it does for me.

Ring My Chimes

We had our annual Christmas family night Monday with all the cousins in the area.  There must have been over 50 of us, half under that age of 12 I'm sure.  It's something we all look forward to each year.  It was noisy and rowdy and fun and loud and endearing and a joy.  It's one of those family traditions, started by  my wife's parents many years ago, that keeps us close as an extended family.

Before the evening my dear sister-in-law, LD, had asked if I would lead the children in our traditional bell-ringing Christmas carols.  LD has some colored bells and several years ago made color-coded Christmas carol charts that we can follow and play.  It's one of the things we all look forward to and everyone, young and not, loves to have a turn.

The trick is to corral the youngest bell-carolers in learning how to ring the right-colored bell, at the right time, without pulling on the spring-suspended clappers and not just ringing them continuously.  It's sort of like … well, … like giving a child a bell and telling her not to ring it.

We all had a grand, noisy time and, being that all the children, grandchildren and cousins are above average, they did an amazing job … and we even could hear bits of Christmas melodies ringing amidst the noise.

On the way home Jana and I were alone in the car.  "That was fun.  You did a really great job in controlling the kids and letting them have fun at the same time."   I thanked her. It WAS fun.

After many years of marriage there is a tendency to become so comfortable with your spouse that you don't always acknowledge his or her efforts or deeds or actions (at least not the positive ones).  It is no small thing to keep recognizing your spouse's contributions without keeping a "compliment score".  I am so grateful for Jana's kindness in letting me know when I do things good – or do good things.  It lifts my confidence and makes me even more appreciative of the many "loving things" she constantly does that keep our marriage growing.  She rings my chimes.

(Thanks Lexie for sharing the photos.)

Water Closet Congregation

Several months ago Jana's work schedule changed.  With that change our morning routine changed as well.  We get up a little before 5:00 and head to the Rec Center.  There we work out and energize the start to our day.  Jana generally walks the indoor track and I walk, workout in the weight room or ride a bike.

She usually finishes first and waits a few minutes for me to finish my last lap.  But this morning when I walked off the track Jana was nowhere to be seen.  I looked down the mezzanine that is suspended midway through the building above the gym floor on one side and the pools on the other, lined with every imaginable piece of cardiovascular equipment (and a few unimaginable ones), toward the bathroom end of the second floor.  No Jana.

I asked a woman I know if she had seen my sweetheart.  "I think I saw her on the track."  I thought that was unusual but waited about three minutes to see if she would come 'round the bend.  But she didn't.

I went downstairs to see if she was waiting there for me.  No Jana.

I headed back up again and stood at one end of the mezzanine where, if she came out of hiding somewhere, she'd be sure to see me.  I was a little worried, for two reasons.  One, she is very predictable because after our workout she is anxious to get home and get ready for work.  And two, she is very predictable.

I glanced over at the coat rack where we hang our coats and Jana's grey, oversized BYUI sweatshirt was hanging there.  "Well, she's still in the building" I thought.

After another five minutes I finally saw her, coming out of the women's restroom at the opposite end of the mezzanine.  I walked over and grabbed her sweatshirt so I could help her on with it and as I held it out so she could slip her arm in the sleeve I asked, "Are you all right?" thinking maybe she wasn't feeling well.

"Perfectly.  I was just giving my Sunday School lesson in the loo.  Oh, it's going to be such a good lesson."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes.  I was all alone except for this other lady.  I could have given it out loud because she had her hair dryer on and it was so loud you couldn't hear a thing."

Jana is a wonderful teacher.  She currently teaches the Marriage and Family Relations class in our ward.  I just love her unaffected, matter-of-fact approach to life, like "What's unusual about giving a lesson in the loo?"  That's one of the loving things I appreciate about her.

And I'm sure Jana's water closet congregation really enjoyed the lesson as well.

Heart Soap

It's been a long time since I've posted my Loving Things.  Life happens.  Concerns drain emotions.


I don't apologize for my absence.  I only regret.  Regret so many Loving Things that have gone unnoticed, unacknowledged, unappreciated.  But today I notice.  And then, perhaps, again tomorrow.  And if I string enough appreciative todays together, I know it will make a difference and my life will continue to grow richer.

I just got out of the shower.  I use "shower gloves" when I shower.  When visiting my sister a few years ago she had some hanging in her shower.  I thought, "Hey, here is a thing I never new existed.  I wonder what it's like."

So I tried them.  Hey, she's my sister.

They were rough and invigorating and I felt like they were scrubbing away the dead cells and grime.  Plus it was so much easier than fumbling with a washcloth.  When I got back home to Idaho I bought my own, at Walmart.  I stuck a couple pieces of the prickly side of adhesive-backed velcro on my shower wall and there they hang, ready to invigorate my morning.

While showering I reached for the soap and noticed it was about done for.  Often I have come to that same realization, thinking, "I'd better throw that away and put a new bar in the shower so Jana doesn't have to step out of the shower, dripping wet, to get a new one."  But being a man of very limited retention, I generally forget.

So today I thought, "I've just got to remember this."  So, using a mind trick I use not often enough, I projected forward and pictured myself getting out of the shower and, after drying off and before grabbing my undiewear, reaching for a piece of toilet paper, opening the shower door, grabbing the slippery fragment, throwing it away, opening the cupboard where we keep the new bars, unwrapping it and placing it on the soap ledge.  I then intentionally cemented it to my mind, on purpose, then finished my wash-glove scrub.

Sure enough, my mind trick worked, as it usually does when I take the time to do it.

But as I was placing the fresh bar of soap on the soap ledge I thought, "You know, there is always a fresh bar in the cupboard.  Always.  Somehow Jana always has a fresh bar of soap, an extra bottle of shampoo, a stack of toilet paper, an unopened roll of paper towels under the kitchen sink, a new box of butter in the fridge, a fresh loaf of bread when the old one is finished.  Always.

How magical is that.  It reminds me of my magic undiewear drawer.

If I were to have to live alone, how many times would I have to step out of the shower naked and wet, trapse across the bathroom leaving wet footprints and realize I need to buy soap before finally adding it to my shopping list.

I'm so grateful to Jana for her competent care in the hundreds of tiny tasks that are required to keep our home running smoothly.  That is truly a competent thing.  That is truly a loving thing.

And for once Jana has a fresh bar of soap for the morning.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

A Loving Detour

Jana and I are different.

When we got married we thought we knew this but it came into sharp focus on our honeymoon.

After our Thursday wedding Jana and I had our first reception on Saturday in Idaho. The next day we headed on our honeymoon, down to Oakland, California, then, after seeing a few sights, off to the Pacific Coast Highway, the famed California Route 1.

We entered the PCH just south of San Jose, where we had toured the infamous Winchester Mystery House.  We drove for a time and just at dusk we pulled off the highway into the beautiful Big Sur campground where I pitched our romantic little two-person backpacking tent by the light of our Chevy Malibu's headlights.

The next morning we headed south.  It was a breathtaking drive where pine-draped mountains plunged into the arguing blue-green pacific ocean.  It seemed that just when you thought you had seen the most beautiful view imaginable, just around the bend (and there were plenty of those) was an even more photogenic vista.

My right brain was awash with wonder and I think I must have pulled off at nearly every turnout on the windy way.  I kept commenting to my lovely, blushing bride the wonders of the scene and assumed her growing silence signaled her wordless wonder.

One noteworthy fact about this stretch of the highway is that once you are committed to the road there is no turning back.  There are no turnoffs or alternate routes, no shortened bypasses and no destinations other than the road itself.

Finally, after nearly 300 winding, up-and-down, looking-over-the-edge, stopping-at-every-turnout mile we came to the first turnoff of the road at San Simeon and the Hearst Castle.  I pulled into a parking area and said, "Sweetheart, let's go take a look."  It was here, on our honeymoon, in a parking lot on the Pacific Coast Highway, that I learned of another valuable difference in our natures.  And that is the purpose of a road.

To me a road was a path to adventure and discovery ... something to be explored and savored.

To Jana a road was simply a way to get from one place to another ... preferably the most direct route between two geolocations.

And so I learned, compelled to be content to look at the opulent newspaper tycoon's monument to excess through the quarter-fed telescope in the parking lot, before jumping into the car without another stop between there and my parent's home some five hours later.

This weekend Jana and I enjoyed a wonderful trip to Utah for my family's annual reunion up Spanish Fork Canyon.  We left after work Thursday, just the two of us since our girls couldn't get off work.  What a wonderful and fun time we had catching up with nearly 200 family members we see all to infrequently. As we headed home Monday we had a delightful book that Jana read to me as we drove and talked our way home.  The only stop we made was a potty stop between Snowville and Sweetzer Summit.

As we neared Boise I noticed that the time was 7:00 pm – the time Chanel, my oldest daughter, gets off work and heads for home.  I thought it would be nice to stop in and say "Hi", tell her about our adventurous weekend and make yet one more lifebond in our family tapestry.  But the lesson I had learned these nearly 34 years ago has become so deeply ingrained that I debated for 3 miles whether I dared ask Jana if she would mind our stopping when we were nearly in view or our journey's destination.

Finally I dared.

"Jana, would it be all right if we pulled off and visited Chanel for a few minutes, since we're so close?"

(Breath held.)

"Sure."

So I called Chanel, caught her enroute home from work and asked if we could stop by and see her on our way home.

Loving things are often the personal preferences we choose to yield as we learn to live and love together.  On the surface they may seem small, almost insignificant, but those small compromises of preference, whether freely offered or patiently proffered, should not be taken for granted, but acknowledged and valued for the loving gifts they are.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Salmon-Chanted Evening

My Sunday schedules are pretty simple.  I"m out the door around 8:00 am, not particularly early, and try to be home by 6:00.  Two Sundays a month I continue on until 9:00 pm before getting home.  I try to have a good breakfast before leaving in the morning then have a light dinner when I get home.

Jana celebrates the weekend by often staying up late Saturday night and, since our actual church meetings don't start until 1:00 pm, sleeping in.  I'll wake her up to have a morning prayer with her, give her a "morning kiss" (no 7-second kisses before 8:00 am) then head out the door.

At church I will generally see her and give her a squeeze between meetings.  "Good morning" I'll offer, a quick kiss and then move on.

The pattern is just slightly different on the first Sunday of the month which we call "Fast Sunday" – that would be "Fast" as in no eating after dinner Saturday evening until Sunday evening, not "Fast" as in quick.

Yesterday being Fast Sunday I was hungry by the time I got home but there was purpose behind my fast and there were a number of specific issues on my mind that I was absorbed with.  When I got home I went in and gave Jana a hug and told her I was glad to be home.  But I didn't linger as I had a number of things yet to follow up on and phone calls that needed to be made before the evening slipped away.

As I was sitting at my desk making calls Jana slipped in.

"I have some salmon thawed.  Would you like some?"

That sounded wonderful so I said, yes.  About 2o minutes later she came back in.

"Dinner's ready for you on the table."

I finished up and went in and there was a lovely salmon, potato and salad dinner waiting for me.  This, I suppose, doesn't sound momentous, but since Jana gets home from church a couple hours before I do we don't have dinner on Sunday evening.  When I get home I just fix something light and quick.  This was a special expression of love from her, truly a loving thing.  It was purely selfless since she had already had dinner a couple hours earlier.

It just felt like such a sweet kindness and I enjoyed every morsel.  Kindness is always romantic.  Kindness is always a loving thing. 

After my dinner I told Jana I had a "home evening" I wanted to prepare.  I brought the laptop computer into the bedroom along with my desktop speakers, plugged them in, then we listened for the next two hours to an interview of Dallin Oaks and his wife, Kristen.  What fun to just end the evening together.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Something Up My Sleeve

A couple evenings ago I was at the church involved in some meetings.  In a break I was in the stake clerk's office and the stake president (my ecclesiastical leader) and I were chatting over some issues involving my congregation.

I have a tendency to speak with my hands.  At one point in our conversation I happened to notice my left hand.  There appeared to be something protruding from my sleeve.  As I looked down it also caught the attention of the stake president.

I reached over, capturing it with my fingertips.  The conversation stopped as we both watched in curiosity, as if a magician were revealing a silk handkerchief, as I pulled out . . . a dryer sheet.  How I managed to put my newly washed shirt on without finding or feeling it I have no idea.

Even so, in spite of the good laugh we had, it was a sweet reminder of how Jana thoughtfully keeps me supplied with clean white shirts, all three of them.  I consider it to be a sweet and loving thing.  I am so grateful for her care and her loving service.

Note:  Jana just interrupted me as she found a spider on the kitchen counter.  I don't even need the point she offered.  I would think clean white shirts to far exceed any number of spider exterminations.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Pizza and Brownie Romance

I have a special group of men with whom I work in my church service.  Lately, I've felt I wanted to build our bonds a little closer, not just among ourselves but with our wives as well, so Sunday, at the close of our early morning meeting, I asked them if they would like a cheap date Friday night.  I invited them to come to our home, with their wives, just for a relaxed evening of gobble and gab.

This is not something I do very lightly. And for good reason.

When Jana and I had been married for just a short time I sat in church one Sunday and in our men's organization meeting they asked for volunteers to bring a couple dozen cookies for a party.  I had a pre-conception of what "oneness" in marriage meant.  I grew up seeing my mother volunteer for things that would require major participation from my father, knowing that my Dad would absolutely back her up with whatever help she needed.  I also saw my Dad volunteer for things that would require my mother's help.  They seemed to know that marriage was a partnership and I assumed that was just the way it was, giving no thought as to how it got there.

When I came home and announced to Jana that I had volunteered (her) to bring a couple dozen cookies to the party her response defined one facet of our evolving marriage.

"Well, you'd better make sure you have all the ingredients and give yourself enough time to get them done."

That response really caused a major shift in my internal understanding of what "being one" in marriage meant.  It felt like I actually heard an audible "CRACK" in the time-space continuum.  It took some time (meaning years) to redefine for myself what "oneness" in my marriage meant.

From that experience I learned, early on, that I do not volunteer Jana; she has her own voice and it is alto, not tenor.  More than once in our marriage this has caused a quizzical look or even a question when the uninitiated ventured to ask, "Do you think your wife would offer a prayer/bake a pie/bring a casserole to this or that event?"  My practiced response would invariably be,

"I don't know.  Why don't you ask her?"

When I invited my colleagues and their spouses over for this Friday I knew exactly what it meant: it was up to me to plan and organize the evening.  When I told her what I had done it was not with the intent to ask her to do anything other than to look forward to an enjoyable evening.

Monday was our regular weekly "home evening" at the church and we had a dinner.  The young men were serving and had planned the dinner for the young women in our singles ward and it was a fun evening.  My part was to bake the potatoes for a potato bar plus make two cobblers.  I didn't bother telling Jana what I had volunteered for so when she got home from work the foil wrapped potatoes were already baked and were keeping hot in the insulated carrier and the cobblers were in the oven.

Because I need to be at the church a little earlier and tend to stay a little later than Jana, she and I arrive in two cars each Monday evening.  When I got home shortly after 10:00 we were chatting before going to bed.  Then Jana mentioned,

"I talked to the wives about Friday night and we're going to have pizza.  Debbie will bring her famous brownies and Dee will bring a drink.  We can probably just eat on our laps in the living room rather than trying to fit eight people in our little dining room."

Now, to many, this may not seem like a huge thing, but to me this was truly a loving thing.  I was planning on taking care of the preparation and in no way wanted to impose on Jana's time commitments.  But I do admit it lifts a self-imposed burden from my preparation for the evening.

Jana has taught me over the years that when I do things that lighten her load and ease her burden this means "romance" to her.  I'm now beginning to understand because this week pizza and brownies, eaten on your lap, in the company of friends is as romantic as dinner served with fine china, soft music and candlelight.  And the bonus is that the romance will last all week long.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU. 

You Go First

Recently I had a slumber party weekend with my oldest daughter in her cute, one bedroom apartment.  Friday night we stayed up watching movies.  Saturday morning she needed to go to work so I slept in, had breakfast, watched a movie and read a business book before she got home shortly after 2:00.

When she came home we went to a place called "Simply Cats" where she volunteers.  This is a facility that rescues cats and offers them for adoption.  It is an amazing facility for cats and people alike and it was fun to visit the different "apartments" and chat with the cats.  Purring all around.

When I came home, Jana was her ever-cheerful, bright and fun self.  One of the things I love about her is her always-cheery disposition.  She acted glad to see me.

Jana needed to go to the library to return some books that were due so I volunteered to ride downtown with her.  She drove and as we rode she said, "I want to hear all about your weekend and I want to tell you about mine.  You go first, and don't leave anything out."

To Jana life is about experiences.  Whenever she is asked what she wants for a birthday or Christmas or Mothers' Day she always chirps, "Oh, give me an experience we can share."  For that reason it's not at all surprising that she wanted to talk about our respective weekends.  But the loving thing is that she offered, "You go first, and don't leave anything out."

On our first date many years ago we went to a young single adult dance.  Due to a misunderstanding (or more accurately, misunderhearing on my part) we arrived one hour early for the dance.  That normally spells disaster for a first, generally awkward, date.

But Jana turned a potentially awkward experience into an endearing one when, as we climbed into my little Opal Cadet, she started asking questions about me, my interests, my life.  Pretty soon I had my sketch pad out, talking about my passion for drawing.

Always interested in others and in their stories, over the course of a wonderful marriage Jana has opened my eyes to the wonder and gift of listening.  My life has been enriched as I've learned to value and reflect that gift, learning from a master.

But when we get together and have stories to tell Jana continues to share her loving thing when she begins, "You go first."  And she still acts as if what I have to say somehow means something.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Cold Burrrritos

After five weeks of constant back/shoulder pain I finally found out what the problem is when I visited a physical therapist this morning -- a pinched nerve in my cervical spine.  Now we can start rehabilitating it.

So, tonight, since I had no meetings scheduled, I lay down on my recliner in the TV room and relaxed my back while watching a movie.  During the day I leave the door to the TV room closed because there's no sense heating an unused room.  That made it a little cooler tonight.

As I lay there Jana was also with me watching and snoozing.  ("I thought exercising was supposed to make you more energetic, not worn out.")  After awhile she sat up then came over to me.

"Are you cold?"

I guess she read my body language with my sweater on and my arms folded.

"Oh, I'm all right."

Without another word she reached over and got my Snuggy (this year's hot-can't-live-without-it Christmas blanket gift item with arms that make you feel like you're wearing a fuzzy hospital gown) that Chanel gave me for my birthday and wrapped me up like a burrito.

I think burritos must be loving things.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU. 

Six Pack Snack Pack

Lately, in the evening if I get the "carb cravings" I like to have some sugar-free Jello.  Jana has been buying it in the little six pack snack pack (say that 5 times real fast).  When I was in the grocery store recently I looked at them, in the refrigerator section, and noted that they cost about $2.89 for six.  I was curious so I went over to where they sell the powdered Jello  mix and noticed that a little box of sugar-free mix costs about .88¢ and makes 8 cups.

Brilliant lightbulb goes off!

So, I bought the box and, as I've finished a little cup of Jello or yogurt, I've been washing it and saving it so I can make my own little snack sized cups.

Last night Jana just mentioned she had made some Jello and put it in my collected cups (three so far) and the remainder in a larger bowl.  That was very sweet of her to do that little service for me.  I'm sitting here at 10:00 pm, eating a sugar-free Jello snack  set in a yogurt cup.  It's yummy and staves off the munchies.  Thank you, Jana.  To me, that's a loving thing.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

It Takes Two To Be A Bishop

Tonight was Family Home Evening with our singles.  It was movie night down at the church. I was running late as I had an emergency with a client that I had to get done before I could leave home.  That made me late for an appointment with a young woman.

I decided to take advantage of the chance of going to Family Home Evening with Jana.  I generally go alone early because I have people to meet.  But tonight I wanted to go with Jana and sit and eat popcorn and laugh and make fun of the movie, whatever it was.

My appointment ran long as that's what was needed.  We finished at about 8:30 and I thought,"Good. Now I can go join Jana and the rest of the kids."  I put on my coat.  But as I walked out the door my Relief Society president was in the clerk's office with another young woman.

"Bishop, do you have a minute?"

I walked into the clerk's office and chatted with her and the young woman and then she said, "Well, I'll see you later, Harriet (not her real name, although I did have a Harriet give me some massage therapy at my chiropractor's office this morning, but that's another story)."  Then as she disappeared around the door she mouthed to me, "Thank you."

I invited the young woman in and took off my coat.

This is a farily common occurrence on Monday evening at the church.  And for this young woman there was a real and immediate need.  I tell my ward members not to worry when they unload their burdens in my office.  "Dump everything right here.  We'll sort through it together.  And don't worry about the mess: the angels clean my office every night and throw away all the junk so you don't have to carry it around with you."

At about 9:30 I heard a knock at the door.  I answered it, knowing it would be Jana.  Sure enough.

"Is the movie over?" I asked.

"Yes, and I'm the last one here."

"Give me just a few minutes."

and I closed the door.  My visitor wasn't quite finished yet so I helped her come to an action step – something to work on.  Then, as I stood up to walk her to the door, I was prompted to ask, "Would you like a blessing?"

"Oh, yes. I really would."

So I slowed down and took a moment, hoping Jana would be all right waiting a moment longer.  It took a moment to connect but then the thoughts and inspiration came.  After the "Amen" I walked her to the door and said good night, then returned to put my coat on again.  I found Jana in the foyer talking to a young man in our congregation.  He's a wonderful young man, one I really admire and love being around.  They were just talking.  I noticed a light on down the hall and excused myself to go and make a quick sweep of the building to make sure it was locked up and lights were out.

I then returned and we all headed out.

Jana didn't express any impatience or question what took so long.  She just told me about her conversation with the young man.  Jana is so good talking with people one-on-one and getting them to share themselves.  Certainly her patience, in spite of her abandonment issues, was a loving thing for me.  But she was also expressing a loving thing in visiting with the young man who just needed a moment to open up and share some questions he has and some decisions he's trying to make.  

I've come to realize it takes two to be a bishop.  This calling is her's as well as mine.  It's a team effort.  Through it we'll both learn and grow. I think that's the point. 

I thought about the needs of those I visited with tonight, as well as those of quite a few others, as we pulled into the driveway. I turned off the key.

"Thank you so much for a calm and secure home."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, the steady place we are in our relationship at the moment.  I really need that certainty when I walk in our door so I have the solid footing I need to lift others."

 And that's what Jana does.  She provides a calm, happy, secure home that allows us both to grow; a place where we and those who enter here can find respite from the rain.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Mulberry Street

A whirlwind of a weekend on the heels of the holidays has concluded with our depositing our youngest daughter safely at college.  Today concluded her second day of classes and based on her emails and a quick phone conversation she is enjoying her new life, her new friends, her apartment and even her professors.

As I've watched her grow over the past couple years I have seen an intelligent, funny, caring, aware, talented woman begin to take her place in the world.  I expect to see the rapid rate at which she continues to grow and develop to increase exponentially over this next semester.  Her confidence is already beginning to assert itself in her ability to confront and handle change and new circumstances.

This leaves Jana and I, tonight, concluding our second full day of empty-nestedness.  The house is quiet, even with Jana having taken off two extra days "just to settle".  She is a purposeful woman.  She attacks the day with a steady pace that moves her from one task to the next predetermined task without a moment of lost energy.

Arielle's bedroom is now spotless and dejunked, the "kids' bathroom" is scoured and Jana is ready to a pursue our next stage in life.

Jana is one of the most honestly cheerful people I know.  When she comes home from work it's like the whole house lights up.  She doesn't come home carrying the burdens of a "hard day at work".  She virtually bounces in the house, hangs up her keys in the kitchen, makes a pit stop then often comes in and bounces onto the couch that sits in my office directly in front of my desk.

"How was your day, sweetheart?" I ask.

"Oh, just fine.  I just plowed through my stack of patient accounts. And, oh, I have to tell you a story ..."

whereupon she relates an entertaining slice of life she had seen or overheard during the day.  When she comes home it's almost like rereading "To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street" by Dr. Suess.

Jana makes our home a bright, happy place; she is totally content with her life as she goes about making each day an adventure of simple pleasures and found joys.  The way she lives her life is, to me, a loving thing as she somehow decided long ago that life was meant to be enjoyed and adventure can be found in the dirt trap of a vacuum cleaner, on the faces of those she loves and in the 3/4 of a mile distance between home and where she works.

My daughter is starting a new and exciting life as she grasps the adventures of college.  It's beginning to settle in that I likewise get to start a new and exciting life as I grasp the adventures that await Jana and I in the simple things, the loving things, of our life.

Does anyone know of any upcoming adult education couples' classes on "Cooking for Two, Again"?
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

A Gracious Christmas

Christmas night and we all just got home from a Christmas night movie -- "Blind Side".  So many loving things went on today.

This year was a different kind of Christmas for us.  We spent Christmas Eve night with my 28 year old daughter in her single bedroom apartment.  Kindly she let Jana and I sleep in her new queen-sized bed, which was o-so comfy with the comforter and fluffy pillows, while she slept on the floor in the living room and her sister slept on the sofa.  That definitely qualifies as a loving thing.

For the past nearly ten years we have drawn names for Christmas, pooled our combined Christmas money and each provided Christmas for the person whose name we drew, complete with Christmas stockings.  Only this year our youngest daughter is headed for college in one week, as a brand-new freshman, and she really needs first-time-on-your-own stuff for college life.  The solution was that, even though we each drew names again this year, each of us (except our college-bound daughter) were going to spend the money on her.  She knew nothing of the arrangement.

After spending the night at our other daughter's we made it home with Jana's mother to open gifts at our home.  It didn't take long before our youngest, who loves to save opening her presents to prolong the anticipation, kept urging others to open their gifts.  Well, we really didn't have many so we finally let her in on the secret.

She was shocked, surprised and, frankly, a little humbled at the thought.  It was just so fun for all of us to watch her open gift after needed gift.  She was simultaneously gracious and excited the whole time.

We had opened our stockings at my daughter's apartment.  I gave my wife the movie "Julie - Julia" which she loves and wanted.  That, coupled with the Reese's mini-bite peanut butter cups and the navel orange in the toe, was all that was in Jana's stocking.  I had her name this year.  The rest of my budget (along with everyone else's) went to our daughter.

Jana didn't receive another present for Christmas, according to our plan.  We did each receive some wonderful and thoughtful gifts from outside family members which was really fun.

Another part of our Christmas tradition was that we each need to make a homemade gift for the person whose name we drew.  After all the gifts were opened and photographed and appreciated, and we had finished stuffing the garbage bag with wrapping paper I said,

"Jana, I have one more gift for you."

and I pointed to our family picture wall.  One Christmas about 6 years ago I had Jana's name.  My homemade gift was a bunch of group picture frames for our wall.  I got the frames up and a couple photographs inserted, but due to time I never filled the picture holes.  My gift this year was to fill the rest of the picture holes for the frames.

Jana, in her sweet joy was totally excited, as if that was the only gift in the world ... which it pretty much was.  Her willingness to be slighted for Christmas for herself and her excitement about giving to our daughter was a loving thing on so many levels and for so many people.  I am so grateful for her graciousness, her giving heart, her finding joy in the simplest of gifts, her willingness to sacrifice for her family, continually, with such grace and joy.

It truly has been a Merry Christmas!
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Being Lifted While Attempting to Lift

It's been a busy week – a week that has demanded a lot of emotional energy.   My brother-in-law, Noel's, passing was followed by his funeral, contrasting the soul-tugging sadness of losing a good friend and brother, with the joys and satisfaction of spending time, laughing and hugging choice family members as we reuned.

In church I'm still working on interviewing each member of my little ward plus each night this week we have a meeting or an activity scheduled.  Tonight it was a meeting.

There is a young man in my ward who I have known and worked with for over 5 years.  He is a great young man and we have enjoyed a wonderful and close relationship.  But for the past year he has been struggling intensely.  He has been living out of town but recently he moved back home with his parents to ease some financial obligations while attending school.  During my meeting tonight I couldn't get him out of my mind so I decided I needed to stop in and see him on my way home.

After the meeting was over I said "Hi" to a couple people then quickly headed for my car to get to his house.  As I turned on to the main boulevard I saw a car, with it's flashers blinking, stopped in the center turn lane of the road.  I also saw the shadow of a man standing, looking under the hood.

"I'm sure he's all right, and if he needs help someone will stop in just a minute," I rationalized as I passed.  But the Spirit wouldn't let me leave it alone so a block later I made a U-turn and pulled in behind him in the turn lane, my own flashers marking a counterpoint to his.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"I'm not sure.  I heard a snap and then it sounded like I was dragging something so I stopped, but I don't see anything wrong"

"Where were you headed?"

"To Meridian.  But I live just down this street a couple blocks so it looks like we won't be going to Meridian tonight."

I learned the young man's name was Carlos Lopez.  I now noticed his young wife was in the car watching us.  She got behind the steering wheel and we pushed the car off the busy road onto the side street.  They assured me they would be all right and profusely thanked me so I left, headed for my young friend's home.

As I prepared to turn onto the street where my young man lived I noticed the car in front of me turned onto the street as well.  When they pulled into the driveway I realized it was his parents who had been at the same meeting I had just left.

I pulled up to the curb, after their car disappeared into the garage, noting that their son's car wasn't in the driveway.  I went ahead and walked up to the door and rang the doorbell, giving them enough time to get in the house from the garage.  The parents are good friends of Jana's and mine and the husband answered the door, immediately inviting me in.

"I came to visit your son but I don't see his car in the driveway."

"No, he's not home right now, but come on in and sit down for a few minutes."

As we sat down his wife joined us and I started asking questions about how their son was doing.  "He's struggling."  With that she started sharing what was going on. We talked for probably three quarters of an hour; pain, concern and worry threaded its way throughout the conversation.  I shared some similar empathetic feelings I've experienced lately and some thoughts I've had that have helped me.

Finally, I thanked them for allowing me to come and intrude upon their evening.

"Do you think it would be all right for us to pray together before I go?"

"Absolutely.  We'd like that."

After our prayer I thanked them again, hugged them both and left, feeling lifted, buoyed and at peace.

I had not realized that, even though I thought it was the young man I needed to visit, it was actually the parents, and in the process we were all filled together.  Had I not been prompted to stop and attempt to help a stranded motorist, I would have knocked at an empty house and left, missing a truly loving thing this evening.

I was concerned that it was pretty late and I had not called Jana to let her know where I was.  When I came in the house I went straight to the bedroom where I knew I'd find her to let her know I was home.  Without any evidence of feeling upset she listened intently as I told her about my evening.  I then asked her about her evening and she shared how she and our daughter had been shopping and running errands, having a pleasant time.  (As my daughter and her friend would shop, Jana would sit in the car, blissfully reading.  This, I think, would be the perfect version of a shopping trip for Jana.)

Jana's patience, understanding and trust was a very loving thing tonight, allowing me to follow quiet promptings.  My evening was also a very loving thing offered by a very loving God Who lifts us as we attempt to lift others, thus allowing us all to rise together.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Frozen Drainpipes and the Gift of Appreciation

It's been a busy three days.  The primary reason is due to the extreme cold weather we've been experiencing here in this corner of Idaho.  The nights have been -3 to -8 degrees and the days have only warmed up to about 18 degrees.

This cold snap has had an effect on many homes, including my wife's mother's home.  Yesterday I got a call from mother's caregiver that there was no water in any of the taps.  With the help of a plumber we found that the water main at the water meter had frozen.  We got it thawed out and I insulated the meter.

At 11:00 yesterday evening I received a call from mother stating that her basement was flooded.  We got that mopped up, thanks to the help of our nighttime companion, Kendra.

I spent the afternoon today at mother's trying to figure out the source of last night's flood and why the utility room sink is full and won't drain.  Finally, with the help of the same plumber as yesterday we came up with a cause and a solution.  The solution entails thawing out a drain pipe that is exposed outside in the bottom of a window well.

This evening we had a ward activity ringing and singing at two community Salvation Army kettles, followed by food and fun at my first counselor's home.  I then headed back to mother's to build a tent over the window well and set an electric heater there to thaw the drain pipe.

In the midst of this Jana has been extremely attentive to what is going on and has expressed her appreciation many times.  But I was particularly touched by her thoughtfulness this evening.  After returning home from our young adult activity and before I headed back to mother's she stopped me.

"Before you go, I've made out a deposit to reimburse you for your expenses so far at mother's home.  I've also included money for gas and the additional expenses that are coming.  I just want you to know how much I appreciate you."

There is no tangible way I can communicate the tenderness and thoughtful care with which Jana handed me the deposit envelope and, once again, let me know how much she appreciated my help.  I think appreciation must be one of the keys to love, respect and richness in any marriage.  The heartfelt expression of appreciation and acknowledgment are loving things that cause one to want to do even more, to try even harder, to return the appreciation by being more sensitive to the smallest of loving things expressed by your spouse.

I am so grateful for the unspoken feelings shown to me by Jana in her smile, in her eyes and in the melody of her words.  I truly am a lucky man.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.