Pizza and Brownie Romance

I have a special group of men with whom I work in my church service.  Lately, I've felt I wanted to build our bonds a little closer, not just among ourselves but with our wives as well, so Sunday, at the close of our early morning meeting, I asked them if they would like a cheap date Friday night.  I invited them to come to our home, with their wives, just for a relaxed evening of gobble and gab.

This is not something I do very lightly. And for good reason.

When Jana and I had been married for just a short time I sat in church one Sunday and in our men's organization meeting they asked for volunteers to bring a couple dozen cookies for a party.  I had a pre-conception of what "oneness" in marriage meant.  I grew up seeing my mother volunteer for things that would require major participation from my father, knowing that my Dad would absolutely back her up with whatever help she needed.  I also saw my Dad volunteer for things that would require my mother's help.  They seemed to know that marriage was a partnership and I assumed that was just the way it was, giving no thought as to how it got there.

When I came home and announced to Jana that I had volunteered (her) to bring a couple dozen cookies to the party her response defined one facet of our evolving marriage.

"Well, you'd better make sure you have all the ingredients and give yourself enough time to get them done."

That response really caused a major shift in my internal understanding of what "being one" in marriage meant.  It felt like I actually heard an audible "CRACK" in the time-space continuum.  It took some time (meaning years) to redefine for myself what "oneness" in my marriage meant.

From that experience I learned, early on, that I do not volunteer Jana; she has her own voice and it is alto, not tenor.  More than once in our marriage this has caused a quizzical look or even a question when the uninitiated ventured to ask, "Do you think your wife would offer a prayer/bake a pie/bring a casserole to this or that event?"  My practiced response would invariably be,

"I don't know.  Why don't you ask her?"

When I invited my colleagues and their spouses over for this Friday I knew exactly what it meant: it was up to me to plan and organize the evening.  When I told her what I had done it was not with the intent to ask her to do anything other than to look forward to an enjoyable evening.

Monday was our regular weekly "home evening" at the church and we had a dinner.  The young men were serving and had planned the dinner for the young women in our singles ward and it was a fun evening.  My part was to bake the potatoes for a potato bar plus make two cobblers.  I didn't bother telling Jana what I had volunteered for so when she got home from work the foil wrapped potatoes were already baked and were keeping hot in the insulated carrier and the cobblers were in the oven.

Because I need to be at the church a little earlier and tend to stay a little later than Jana, she and I arrive in two cars each Monday evening.  When I got home shortly after 10:00 we were chatting before going to bed.  Then Jana mentioned,

"I talked to the wives about Friday night and we're going to have pizza.  Debbie will bring her famous brownies and Dee will bring a drink.  We can probably just eat on our laps in the living room rather than trying to fit eight people in our little dining room."

Now, to many, this may not seem like a huge thing, but to me this was truly a loving thing.  I was planning on taking care of the preparation and in no way wanted to impose on Jana's time commitments.  But I do admit it lifts a self-imposed burden from my preparation for the evening.

Jana has taught me over the years that when I do things that lighten her load and ease her burden this means "romance" to her.  I'm now beginning to understand because this week pizza and brownies, eaten on your lap, in the company of friends is as romantic as dinner served with fine china, soft music and candlelight.  And the bonus is that the romance will last all week long.
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