Ring My Chimes

We had our annual Christmas family night Monday with all the cousins in the area.  There must have been over 50 of us, half under that age of 12 I'm sure.  It's something we all look forward to each year.  It was noisy and rowdy and fun and loud and endearing and a joy.  It's one of those family traditions, started by  my wife's parents many years ago, that keeps us close as an extended family.

Before the evening my dear sister-in-law, LD, had asked if I would lead the children in our traditional bell-ringing Christmas carols.  LD has some colored bells and several years ago made color-coded Christmas carol charts that we can follow and play.  It's one of the things we all look forward to and everyone, young and not, loves to have a turn.

The trick is to corral the youngest bell-carolers in learning how to ring the right-colored bell, at the right time, without pulling on the spring-suspended clappers and not just ringing them continuously.  It's sort of like … well, … like giving a child a bell and telling her not to ring it.

We all had a grand, noisy time and, being that all the children, grandchildren and cousins are above average, they did an amazing job … and we even could hear bits of Christmas melodies ringing amidst the noise.

On the way home Jana and I were alone in the car.  "That was fun.  You did a really great job in controlling the kids and letting them have fun at the same time."   I thanked her. It WAS fun.

After many years of marriage there is a tendency to become so comfortable with your spouse that you don't always acknowledge his or her efforts or deeds or actions (at least not the positive ones).  It is no small thing to keep recognizing your spouse's contributions without keeping a "compliment score".  I am so grateful for Jana's kindness in letting me know when I do things good – or do good things.  It lifts my confidence and makes me even more appreciative of the many "loving things" she constantly does that keep our marriage growing.  She rings my chimes.

(Thanks Lexie for sharing the photos.)

CAUTION - Space Needed

My daughter's home from college for a quick week between semesters.  It's always a joy to have her home and really catch up on her successes of the finished semester.

However, during this visit she needs some "get away" time; time to back off and catch some perspective on her personal life.   She's had a relationship this semester that's been left a little in limbo that she needs some space to process.

After church today Jana invited a friend over who is particularly gifted at helping people gain perspective.  Even though Jana and I have talked with our daughter over the phone over the past few weeks on the issue, and even though we had a good conversation together last night (at the moment she feels safe enough in our relationships to talk to us about these issues openly) Jana felt she needed another perspective to give her peace.

After dinner I was starting on the dishes (I still do dishes by hand, old school) and "the girls" had settled in the living room and were chatting.  As I stood at the sink up to my elbows in Joy dish soap, Jana came in and gave me an unsolicited hug.  That's always nice.  Then she whispered, "We've got some girl talk going on."

To quote A. A. Milne in talking about Winnie the Pooh, "Being a bear of very little brain...", I thought for just a moment, then the light came on, "Oh, you'd like for me not to join you?"

"Yes," she replied lovingly.

I"m the kind of dad who, being interested in his kids lives, would have invited myself to join them after I finished the dishes -- "girl talk" doesn't frighten or bore me.   But thanks to Jana's awareness and sensitivity, she quietly, discretely gave me a gentle suggestion that space was needed.

I consider it a loving thing when she just gently let me know what was needed.  Otherwise I would have felt rejected and devalued for being left out or unwanted in this little piece of my daughter's life.  I'm thankful for my wife's sensitive awareness.  Now I can write it down and feel loved in the process.

Heart Soap

It's been a long time since I've posted my Loving Things.  Life happens.  Concerns drain emotions.


I don't apologize for my absence.  I only regret.  Regret so many Loving Things that have gone unnoticed, unacknowledged, unappreciated.  But today I notice.  And then, perhaps, again tomorrow.  And if I string enough appreciative todays together, I know it will make a difference and my life will continue to grow richer.

I just got out of the shower.  I use "shower gloves" when I shower.  When visiting my sister a few years ago she had some hanging in her shower.  I thought, "Hey, here is a thing I never new existed.  I wonder what it's like."

So I tried them.  Hey, she's my sister.

They were rough and invigorating and I felt like they were scrubbing away the dead cells and grime.  Plus it was so much easier than fumbling with a washcloth.  When I got back home to Idaho I bought my own, at Walmart.  I stuck a couple pieces of the prickly side of adhesive-backed velcro on my shower wall and there they hang, ready to invigorate my morning.

While showering I reached for the soap and noticed it was about done for.  Often I have come to that same realization, thinking, "I'd better throw that away and put a new bar in the shower so Jana doesn't have to step out of the shower, dripping wet, to get a new one."  But being a man of very limited retention, I generally forget.

So today I thought, "I've just got to remember this."  So, using a mind trick I use not often enough, I projected forward and pictured myself getting out of the shower and, after drying off and before grabbing my undiewear, reaching for a piece of toilet paper, opening the shower door, grabbing the slippery fragment, throwing it away, opening the cupboard where we keep the new bars, unwrapping it and placing it on the soap ledge.  I then intentionally cemented it to my mind, on purpose, then finished my wash-glove scrub.

Sure enough, my mind trick worked, as it usually does when I take the time to do it.

But as I was placing the fresh bar of soap on the soap ledge I thought, "You know, there is always a fresh bar in the cupboard.  Always.  Somehow Jana always has a fresh bar of soap, an extra bottle of shampoo, a stack of toilet paper, an unopened roll of paper towels under the kitchen sink, a new box of butter in the fridge, a fresh loaf of bread when the old one is finished.  Always.

How magical is that.  It reminds me of my magic undiewear drawer.

If I were to have to live alone, how many times would I have to step out of the shower naked and wet, trapse across the bathroom leaving wet footprints and realize I need to buy soap before finally adding it to my shopping list.

I'm so grateful to Jana for her competent care in the hundreds of tiny tasks that are required to keep our home running smoothly.  That is truly a competent thing.  That is truly a loving thing.

And for once Jana has a fresh bar of soap for the morning.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Stir Fry

Sundays are fairly busy for me.  I generally leave the house at about 7:30am and make it home around 6:00, except every other week when we have an evening fireside after church that allows me to fly by and pick up Jana enroute to the fireside.  On those Sundays we get home at around 9:00.

But it's such a joy and rather than feeling tired I feel energized and generally come home feeling happy and satisfied.  There's nothing more fun than spending the day with the young people of my congregation, people who are trying to live good: contributing lives; striving to make good choices; looking to find a place where they can make a difference in the world.  What could be more energizing than that?  The maturity and inquisitiveness of their thoughts constantly inspire me to want to be better.  I often tell them, "I want to be like you when I grow up."  They are just so easy to love.

For example, I had a young man inspire me with a powerful lesson Sunday.  I've mentioned that my reason for writing this blog is to capture the many loving things that my wife does for me so that they don't slip away unnoticed.  It opens my eyes and focuses my attention so I'm, hopefully, better tuned in.  However, as I visited with this young man yesterday he commented, "Bishop, I try to notice five times every day when the Holy Spirit touches me or prompts me to act.  Then I write them down in my journal in the evening so I can remember how blessed I am."

How can I help but come away feeling inspired and determined to do even better each day when I get that kind of motivation.

Back to my point.

I woke Jana at 7:30 yesterday, had a prayer with her and kissed her goodbye before leaving the house.  I saw her during our Sunday School time at 2:30 and gave her a hug.  After church, as she was leaving, she asked what time I'd be home.  Based on my interview schedule I told her I should be home by 6:00.

My last interview started at 5:30 with a young man who is new to the area.  We had a delightful visit and talked about some things that were important to him.  I could have cut it short but I chose to let our conversation continue as I got to know more about him, his situation and his desires in life.  He left at 6:30 and I felt good for the time we had spent together.

Before leaving I called Jana to let her know where I was and that I would be home in about 15 minutes.  I took some time to review the day and make notes of what I need to follow up on this week to attempt to keep things from falling through the cracks. (You know, they seem to be making cracks wider lately.)  I was the last person leaving the building so I did a tour around the building to make sure lights were out and doors were locked.  The point is that I didn't make it home until 7:00 and was feeling self-conscious about not being home on time.

I found Jana in the bedroom in the "reading chair" reading her journal.  She's updating her life's timeline for the past three years.  I came in and told her I was home and peripherally asked about her day.  I then said I was going to go fix something for dinner. Jana responded,

"I've already got a stir fry ready to cook so let me get started."

Jana got up and headed for the kitchen.  I headed for the closet to take off my jacket and tie.  I then joined her in the kitchen.  When I got there she had the ingredients for stir fry already cut up and measured in small containers and the pan was heating up.  I jumped up on the counter so we could just talk while she cooked.

It was fun just talking and sharing the spoils of our day.  Jana talked about a new young woman she had met that I had missed.  It's really good to have her there with me because, as I've mentioned several time before, she is really good about visiting with people and drawing them out.  I shared a couple things I had learned and observed that day.  We just had a good visit.

The stir fry was done quite soon and we continued our conversation over dinner.  Jana never mentioned my tardiness, although she had every right to.  She didn't even show any disappointment or disapproval, although I somewhat expected it.

I don't want to take advantage of Jana's patience and kindness.  It is a sweet and selfless gift, a truly loving thing.  As a chicken farmer's daughter she was raised around a set schedule for mealtimes that carried over into our home.  Our family rule is that dinner is at 6:00 and if you're late (that too often meant me) you'll have to eat it cold.  I do not complain of that family tradition.  It has been one of the things that has created a stable and predictable home environment for us all.  But I am so grateful for the kind and loving thing that Jana shared in getting up and fixing dinner when I finally came home and for the refreshing "talking time" as I sat on the counter and she stirred.

I'll be home by 6:00 next week.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

A Loving Detour

Jana and I are different.

When we got married we thought we knew this but it came into sharp focus on our honeymoon.

After our Thursday wedding Jana and I had our first reception on Saturday in Idaho. The next day we headed on our honeymoon, down to Oakland, California, then, after seeing a few sights, off to the Pacific Coast Highway, the famed California Route 1.

We entered the PCH just south of San Jose, where we had toured the infamous Winchester Mystery House.  We drove for a time and just at dusk we pulled off the highway into the beautiful Big Sur campground where I pitched our romantic little two-person backpacking tent by the light of our Chevy Malibu's headlights.

The next morning we headed south.  It was a breathtaking drive where pine-draped mountains plunged into the arguing blue-green pacific ocean.  It seemed that just when you thought you had seen the most beautiful view imaginable, just around the bend (and there were plenty of those) was an even more photogenic vista.

My right brain was awash with wonder and I think I must have pulled off at nearly every turnout on the windy way.  I kept commenting to my lovely, blushing bride the wonders of the scene and assumed her growing silence signaled her wordless wonder.

One noteworthy fact about this stretch of the highway is that once you are committed to the road there is no turning back.  There are no turnoffs or alternate routes, no shortened bypasses and no destinations other than the road itself.

Finally, after nearly 300 winding, up-and-down, looking-over-the-edge, stopping-at-every-turnout mile we came to the first turnoff of the road at San Simeon and the Hearst Castle.  I pulled into a parking area and said, "Sweetheart, let's go take a look."  It was here, on our honeymoon, in a parking lot on the Pacific Coast Highway, that I learned of another valuable difference in our natures.  And that is the purpose of a road.

To me a road was a path to adventure and discovery ... something to be explored and savored.

To Jana a road was simply a way to get from one place to another ... preferably the most direct route between two geolocations.

And so I learned, compelled to be content to look at the opulent newspaper tycoon's monument to excess through the quarter-fed telescope in the parking lot, before jumping into the car without another stop between there and my parent's home some five hours later.

This weekend Jana and I enjoyed a wonderful trip to Utah for my family's annual reunion up Spanish Fork Canyon.  We left after work Thursday, just the two of us since our girls couldn't get off work.  What a wonderful and fun time we had catching up with nearly 200 family members we see all to infrequently. As we headed home Monday we had a delightful book that Jana read to me as we drove and talked our way home.  The only stop we made was a potty stop between Snowville and Sweetzer Summit.

As we neared Boise I noticed that the time was 7:00 pm – the time Chanel, my oldest daughter, gets off work and heads for home.  I thought it would be nice to stop in and say "Hi", tell her about our adventurous weekend and make yet one more lifebond in our family tapestry.  But the lesson I had learned these nearly 34 years ago has become so deeply ingrained that I debated for 3 miles whether I dared ask Jana if she would mind our stopping when we were nearly in view or our journey's destination.

Finally I dared.

"Jana, would it be all right if we pulled off and visited Chanel for a few minutes, since we're so close?"

(Breath held.)

"Sure."

So I called Chanel, caught her enroute home from work and asked if we could stop by and see her on our way home.

Loving things are often the personal preferences we choose to yield as we learn to live and love together.  On the surface they may seem small, almost insignificant, but those small compromises of preference, whether freely offered or patiently proffered, should not be taken for granted, but acknowledged and valued for the loving gifts they are.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

After the 'Thank You'

Last night was a late night.  I stayed up until after 2:00 trying to finish a project I've been working on for a couple weeks that I just needed to get out.  After having been up until 2:30 the night before I was a worn out when I dragged myself to bed.

This morning I never heard Jana get up, shower or get ready for work.  We always have breakfast together but this morning I slept right through it.

When I finally awoke she was already gone to work.  I got up, said, "Forget the Rec Center", showered, had breakfast and went to work.  My first item of business?  Send Jana an email:

Sorry I missed you this morning.  But I did get the booklet finished at 2 this morning.  Anyway,  I love you.  Can I join you for lunch?  Kevin

Her reply?

Yes, I would love that.

When my alarm went off (I have to set a computer alarm to catch my attention when I have an appointment, otherwise I get busy and time just ceases to exist) I fixed my lunch and headed for the hospital where Jana works.

I walked in her door just as she was walking out.  We headed for the hospital cafeteria.  We just chatted about what we had each been doing this morning and why a check in the checkbook had been added to the checking balance rather than being subtracted (creating a $400 unexpected shortage) and confirming that it had been fixed.

All too soon the half hour was over and it was time to walk back to the outside building where Jana's office is.  As I walked her to the door she said,

Thank you for coming for lunch.  It really means a lot.

With that loving comment I was transported back 33 years to the conclusion of our first date.  I was a green returned missionary, still very uncomfortable with dating.  Jana was a recent college graduate in her first career job.  I felt so young by comparison and figured she was so worldly wise.

I was especially concerned about walking her to her apartment door after our date, figuring she was so experienced in the ways of romantic protocol.  Do I kiss her (on the first date)?  Do I just say "Thank you for a wonderful evening?"  Do I shake her hand (with which I was the most comfortable after two years as a missionary, keeping young women at arms length)?

Additionally, was there the prospect of a second date?  I liked her and definitely wanted another date.  But how would I know if she did?  Like many men, my confidence when it came to relationships, was a bit fragile.  It had taken four explicit encouragements from friends the night before to finally get me to risk actually calling her and asking her out, even though I had been looking for signs that she might be interested for nearly two months.

Jana eased the tension and reinforced my confidence.

Thank you for a wonderful evening.  Will you ask me out again?

There are those that might scoff at this whole dilemma and my need for reassurance.  But Jana's inspired "Will you ask me out again?" answered all my unasked questions.  It was the question that would determine our combined future.

As I left her at the office door this afternoon, it was, once again, the underscoring assertion after the "thank you" – the added "it really means a lot" – that gave meaning to the message.  The truly loving thing when expressing gratitude just may be the underscoring assertion after the "thank you", for that is the thing that will be remembered and that just may make all the difference.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Salmon-Chanted Evening

My Sunday schedules are pretty simple.  I"m out the door around 8:00 am, not particularly early, and try to be home by 6:00.  Two Sundays a month I continue on until 9:00 pm before getting home.  I try to have a good breakfast before leaving in the morning then have a light dinner when I get home.

Jana celebrates the weekend by often staying up late Saturday night and, since our actual church meetings don't start until 1:00 pm, sleeping in.  I'll wake her up to have a morning prayer with her, give her a "morning kiss" (no 7-second kisses before 8:00 am) then head out the door.

At church I will generally see her and give her a squeeze between meetings.  "Good morning" I'll offer, a quick kiss and then move on.

The pattern is just slightly different on the first Sunday of the month which we call "Fast Sunday" – that would be "Fast" as in no eating after dinner Saturday evening until Sunday evening, not "Fast" as in quick.

Yesterday being Fast Sunday I was hungry by the time I got home but there was purpose behind my fast and there were a number of specific issues on my mind that I was absorbed with.  When I got home I went in and gave Jana a hug and told her I was glad to be home.  But I didn't linger as I had a number of things yet to follow up on and phone calls that needed to be made before the evening slipped away.

As I was sitting at my desk making calls Jana slipped in.

"I have some salmon thawed.  Would you like some?"

That sounded wonderful so I said, yes.  About 2o minutes later she came back in.

"Dinner's ready for you on the table."

I finished up and went in and there was a lovely salmon, potato and salad dinner waiting for me.  This, I suppose, doesn't sound momentous, but since Jana gets home from church a couple hours before I do we don't have dinner on Sunday evening.  When I get home I just fix something light and quick.  This was a special expression of love from her, truly a loving thing.  It was purely selfless since she had already had dinner a couple hours earlier.

It just felt like such a sweet kindness and I enjoyed every morsel.  Kindness is always romantic.  Kindness is always a loving thing. 

After my dinner I told Jana I had a "home evening" I wanted to prepare.  I brought the laptop computer into the bedroom along with my desktop speakers, plugged them in, then we listened for the next two hours to an interview of Dallin Oaks and his wife, Kristen.  What fun to just end the evening together.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Something Up My Sleeve

A couple evenings ago I was at the church involved in some meetings.  In a break I was in the stake clerk's office and the stake president (my ecclesiastical leader) and I were chatting over some issues involving my congregation.

I have a tendency to speak with my hands.  At one point in our conversation I happened to notice my left hand.  There appeared to be something protruding from my sleeve.  As I looked down it also caught the attention of the stake president.

I reached over, capturing it with my fingertips.  The conversation stopped as we both watched in curiosity, as if a magician were revealing a silk handkerchief, as I pulled out . . . a dryer sheet.  How I managed to put my newly washed shirt on without finding or feeling it I have no idea.

Even so, in spite of the good laugh we had, it was a sweet reminder of how Jana thoughtfully keeps me supplied with clean white shirts, all three of them.  I consider it to be a sweet and loving thing.  I am so grateful for her care and her loving service.

Note:  Jana just interrupted me as she found a spider on the kitchen counter.  I don't even need the point she offered.  I would think clean white shirts to far exceed any number of spider exterminations.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Pizza and Brownie Romance

I have a special group of men with whom I work in my church service.  Lately, I've felt I wanted to build our bonds a little closer, not just among ourselves but with our wives as well, so Sunday, at the close of our early morning meeting, I asked them if they would like a cheap date Friday night.  I invited them to come to our home, with their wives, just for a relaxed evening of gobble and gab.

This is not something I do very lightly. And for good reason.

When Jana and I had been married for just a short time I sat in church one Sunday and in our men's organization meeting they asked for volunteers to bring a couple dozen cookies for a party.  I had a pre-conception of what "oneness" in marriage meant.  I grew up seeing my mother volunteer for things that would require major participation from my father, knowing that my Dad would absolutely back her up with whatever help she needed.  I also saw my Dad volunteer for things that would require my mother's help.  They seemed to know that marriage was a partnership and I assumed that was just the way it was, giving no thought as to how it got there.

When I came home and announced to Jana that I had volunteered (her) to bring a couple dozen cookies to the party her response defined one facet of our evolving marriage.

"Well, you'd better make sure you have all the ingredients and give yourself enough time to get them done."

That response really caused a major shift in my internal understanding of what "being one" in marriage meant.  It felt like I actually heard an audible "CRACK" in the time-space continuum.  It took some time (meaning years) to redefine for myself what "oneness" in my marriage meant.

From that experience I learned, early on, that I do not volunteer Jana; she has her own voice and it is alto, not tenor.  More than once in our marriage this has caused a quizzical look or even a question when the uninitiated ventured to ask, "Do you think your wife would offer a prayer/bake a pie/bring a casserole to this or that event?"  My practiced response would invariably be,

"I don't know.  Why don't you ask her?"

When I invited my colleagues and their spouses over for this Friday I knew exactly what it meant: it was up to me to plan and organize the evening.  When I told her what I had done it was not with the intent to ask her to do anything other than to look forward to an enjoyable evening.

Monday was our regular weekly "home evening" at the church and we had a dinner.  The young men were serving and had planned the dinner for the young women in our singles ward and it was a fun evening.  My part was to bake the potatoes for a potato bar plus make two cobblers.  I didn't bother telling Jana what I had volunteered for so when she got home from work the foil wrapped potatoes were already baked and were keeping hot in the insulated carrier and the cobblers were in the oven.

Because I need to be at the church a little earlier and tend to stay a little later than Jana, she and I arrive in two cars each Monday evening.  When I got home shortly after 10:00 we were chatting before going to bed.  Then Jana mentioned,

"I talked to the wives about Friday night and we're going to have pizza.  Debbie will bring her famous brownies and Dee will bring a drink.  We can probably just eat on our laps in the living room rather than trying to fit eight people in our little dining room."

Now, to many, this may not seem like a huge thing, but to me this was truly a loving thing.  I was planning on taking care of the preparation and in no way wanted to impose on Jana's time commitments.  But I do admit it lifts a self-imposed burden from my preparation for the evening.

Jana has taught me over the years that when I do things that lighten her load and ease her burden this means "romance" to her.  I'm now beginning to understand because this week pizza and brownies, eaten on your lap, in the company of friends is as romantic as dinner served with fine china, soft music and candlelight.  And the bonus is that the romance will last all week long.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU. 

You Go First

Recently I had a slumber party weekend with my oldest daughter in her cute, one bedroom apartment.  Friday night we stayed up watching movies.  Saturday morning she needed to go to work so I slept in, had breakfast, watched a movie and read a business book before she got home shortly after 2:00.

When she came home we went to a place called "Simply Cats" where she volunteers.  This is a facility that rescues cats and offers them for adoption.  It is an amazing facility for cats and people alike and it was fun to visit the different "apartments" and chat with the cats.  Purring all around.

When I came home, Jana was her ever-cheerful, bright and fun self.  One of the things I love about her is her always-cheery disposition.  She acted glad to see me.

Jana needed to go to the library to return some books that were due so I volunteered to ride downtown with her.  She drove and as we rode she said, "I want to hear all about your weekend and I want to tell you about mine.  You go first, and don't leave anything out."

To Jana life is about experiences.  Whenever she is asked what she wants for a birthday or Christmas or Mothers' Day she always chirps, "Oh, give me an experience we can share."  For that reason it's not at all surprising that she wanted to talk about our respective weekends.  But the loving thing is that she offered, "You go first, and don't leave anything out."

On our first date many years ago we went to a young single adult dance.  Due to a misunderstanding (or more accurately, misunderhearing on my part) we arrived one hour early for the dance.  That normally spells disaster for a first, generally awkward, date.

But Jana turned a potentially awkward experience into an endearing one when, as we climbed into my little Opal Cadet, she started asking questions about me, my interests, my life.  Pretty soon I had my sketch pad out, talking about my passion for drawing.

Always interested in others and in their stories, over the course of a wonderful marriage Jana has opened my eyes to the wonder and gift of listening.  My life has been enriched as I've learned to value and reflect that gift, learning from a master.

But when we get together and have stories to tell Jana continues to share her loving thing when she begins, "You go first."  And she still acts as if what I have to say somehow means something.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Cold Burrrritos

After five weeks of constant back/shoulder pain I finally found out what the problem is when I visited a physical therapist this morning -- a pinched nerve in my cervical spine.  Now we can start rehabilitating it.

So, tonight, since I had no meetings scheduled, I lay down on my recliner in the TV room and relaxed my back while watching a movie.  During the day I leave the door to the TV room closed because there's no sense heating an unused room.  That made it a little cooler tonight.

As I lay there Jana was also with me watching and snoozing.  ("I thought exercising was supposed to make you more energetic, not worn out.")  After awhile she sat up then came over to me.

"Are you cold?"

I guess she read my body language with my sweater on and my arms folded.

"Oh, I'm all right."

Without another word she reached over and got my Snuggy (this year's hot-can't-live-without-it Christmas blanket gift item with arms that make you feel like you're wearing a fuzzy hospital gown) that Chanel gave me for my birthday and wrapped me up like a burrito.

I think burritos must be loving things.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU. 

It Takes Two To Be A Bishop

Tonight was Family Home Evening with our singles.  It was movie night down at the church. I was running late as I had an emergency with a client that I had to get done before I could leave home.  That made me late for an appointment with a young woman.

I decided to take advantage of the chance of going to Family Home Evening with Jana.  I generally go alone early because I have people to meet.  But tonight I wanted to go with Jana and sit and eat popcorn and laugh and make fun of the movie, whatever it was.

My appointment ran long as that's what was needed.  We finished at about 8:30 and I thought,"Good. Now I can go join Jana and the rest of the kids."  I put on my coat.  But as I walked out the door my Relief Society president was in the clerk's office with another young woman.

"Bishop, do you have a minute?"

I walked into the clerk's office and chatted with her and the young woman and then she said, "Well, I'll see you later, Harriet (not her real name, although I did have a Harriet give me some massage therapy at my chiropractor's office this morning, but that's another story)."  Then as she disappeared around the door she mouthed to me, "Thank you."

I invited the young woman in and took off my coat.

This is a farily common occurrence on Monday evening at the church.  And for this young woman there was a real and immediate need.  I tell my ward members not to worry when they unload their burdens in my office.  "Dump everything right here.  We'll sort through it together.  And don't worry about the mess: the angels clean my office every night and throw away all the junk so you don't have to carry it around with you."

At about 9:30 I heard a knock at the door.  I answered it, knowing it would be Jana.  Sure enough.

"Is the movie over?" I asked.

"Yes, and I'm the last one here."

"Give me just a few minutes."

and I closed the door.  My visitor wasn't quite finished yet so I helped her come to an action step – something to work on.  Then, as I stood up to walk her to the door, I was prompted to ask, "Would you like a blessing?"

"Oh, yes. I really would."

So I slowed down and took a moment, hoping Jana would be all right waiting a moment longer.  It took a moment to connect but then the thoughts and inspiration came.  After the "Amen" I walked her to the door and said good night, then returned to put my coat on again.  I found Jana in the foyer talking to a young man in our congregation.  He's a wonderful young man, one I really admire and love being around.  They were just talking.  I noticed a light on down the hall and excused myself to go and make a quick sweep of the building to make sure it was locked up and lights were out.

I then returned and we all headed out.

Jana didn't express any impatience or question what took so long.  She just told me about her conversation with the young man.  Jana is so good talking with people one-on-one and getting them to share themselves.  Certainly her patience, in spite of her abandonment issues, was a loving thing for me.  But she was also expressing a loving thing in visiting with the young man who just needed a moment to open up and share some questions he has and some decisions he's trying to make.  

I've come to realize it takes two to be a bishop.  This calling is her's as well as mine.  It's a team effort.  Through it we'll both learn and grow. I think that's the point. 

I thought about the needs of those I visited with tonight, as well as those of quite a few others, as we pulled into the driveway. I turned off the key.

"Thank you so much for a calm and secure home."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, the steady place we are in our relationship at the moment.  I really need that certainty when I walk in our door so I have the solid footing I need to lift others."

 And that's what Jana does.  She provides a calm, happy, secure home that allows us both to grow; a place where we and those who enter here can find respite from the rain.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Clearing a Path

New Years' Day.  It was time to take Arielle, my youngest, to Rexburg for her first semester of college.  I had told Jana I wanted to leave town at 10:00 so we would have enough time to get to Rexburg, allowing for poor roads and winter weather.  We finally pulled out of the driveway at 10:45.  I received the now commonplace chiding by my family about leaving later than intended.

While having our family prayer before leaving I had asked the Lord to bless us in our journey.  I told the Lord I had done all I could to prepare the vehicle for the journey in the face of a winter storm.  However, as I spoke these words I felt convicted, "Kevin, no you haven't done all you could.  You had been prompted to rotate the tires on your van and you didn't do it."  My prayer felt hollow.

As we pulled out of the driveway I was advised by Arielle, "Dad, don't stop.  Keep going."  To appreciate that comment, you must know that more than once, as we have left for a vacation or a much anticipated journey, I have had a list of stops to make before even making it to the freeway.

"I just want to stop at the gas station and check the tire pressure on the car."

So, three blocks from home, I pulled into Larry's Chevron to check the tire pressure on the car.  The tire pressure on each of the tires was low so the kind adolescent attendant brought the tire pressure up to safe levels.  I casually asked if he could rotate my tires.  He said they could the next day.  Then Paul Marler, the station owner, poked his head out of the office and asked what I needed.  I told him.  He suggested I might try Walmart's auto service.

The prompting to take care of this issue was strong enough, that, even facing the ridicule of my family, I turned left toward Walmart instead of right to the freeway.

As I walked into the the auto department at Walmart my family stayed in the van.  The kind employee told me there was only one car in the bay and they would be happy to serve me as soon as it was done.  I returned to the van and told Jana and my two daughters and suggested they come inside to wait.

"How long will it take?"

"Oh, it should only take about 20 minutes."

The previous car took not a few minutes but about 45 minutes.  Finally, the service technician headed for  our van.  He came back a few minutes later, walking, not driving my van to the bay.

"Your tread on the front tires measures only .25 centimeters, below the legal limit for tire tread.  By law we can't rotate them for you because that might make us liable if there were any problems."

"Well, what are my options?"

"The only option we have is to sell you a new set of tires."

I had already considered the question as I had waited and had already decided that I was willing to purchase a new set of tires in the event that the old tires were too worn.

"What tires would you recommend?"

The girls had been wandering around the store, but now rejoined Jana, quietly waiting in the little waiting room.

"Honey, we need to replace the tires."

"How long with that take?"

"About another half hour."

"The girls and I will head over to the McDonalds (inside Walmart) for lunch," Jana replied.  I could tell she was holding on to her patience.

I declined to join them, feeling I couldn't handle the scorn of my family.  I went out to the work area and watched the attendant work on the car.  He worked hard – did an excellent job.  Not 30 but 40 minutes later he was just finishing so I headed across the store to fetch my family.  They were just finishing their lunch so we all headed back to the auto department.

The van was ready.  I paid the bill and we left.

I didn't say anything.  I now felt justified in my prayer to the Lord when I had said, "I have done everything I can to make sure the van is in safe operating condition.  Please bless us as we take Arielle to college."  In the integrity of my heart I could feel peace.

But I felt convicted by my family; I should have taken care of the tires a day earlier, but hadn't.  The girls started chatting again and their native laughing and teasing resumed.  After merging onto the freeway and finally starting our journey, Jana quietly turned and said, "Thank you for taking care of the van and making sure it's safe."

Realizing our history, my patterns and weaknesses, and perhaps recognizing some of the concern I felt in trying to make sure we traveled safely, Jana's comment was the most loving thing I could have heard.  I am so grateful for her kindness, her love and her perspective.

We arrived at our motel in St. Anthony at 6:15.  I had called our motel a few hours earlier, asking about the weather.  "It's been snowing all day and the roads are a mess."  But, by the time we had arrived we had not seen a flake fall.  After arriving at our motel and making a quick trip to the grocery store, it started snowing again, adding another couple inches to the already sloppy parking lot.  As we had traveled across the state, the snow plows had cleared the path before us and we had a safe journey.

Had we left the hour and a half earlier, we would have driven in the eastern Idaho snowfall.  It was as if the Lord had cleared the path before us.  Even so, had we not been so blessed we were still prepared, with new tires, snow chains and new wiper blades – and with the protection of obedience to a prompting to keep my word and the gratitude of a wife who was able forgive my weaknesses and show her love with an expression of that gratitude.
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Being Lifted While Attempting to Lift

It's been a busy week – a week that has demanded a lot of emotional energy.   My brother-in-law, Noel's, passing was followed by his funeral, contrasting the soul-tugging sadness of losing a good friend and brother, with the joys and satisfaction of spending time, laughing and hugging choice family members as we reuned.

In church I'm still working on interviewing each member of my little ward plus each night this week we have a meeting or an activity scheduled.  Tonight it was a meeting.

There is a young man in my ward who I have known and worked with for over 5 years.  He is a great young man and we have enjoyed a wonderful and close relationship.  But for the past year he has been struggling intensely.  He has been living out of town but recently he moved back home with his parents to ease some financial obligations while attending school.  During my meeting tonight I couldn't get him out of my mind so I decided I needed to stop in and see him on my way home.

After the meeting was over I said "Hi" to a couple people then quickly headed for my car to get to his house.  As I turned on to the main boulevard I saw a car, with it's flashers blinking, stopped in the center turn lane of the road.  I also saw the shadow of a man standing, looking under the hood.

"I'm sure he's all right, and if he needs help someone will stop in just a minute," I rationalized as I passed.  But the Spirit wouldn't let me leave it alone so a block later I made a U-turn and pulled in behind him in the turn lane, my own flashers marking a counterpoint to his.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"I'm not sure.  I heard a snap and then it sounded like I was dragging something so I stopped, but I don't see anything wrong"

"Where were you headed?"

"To Meridian.  But I live just down this street a couple blocks so it looks like we won't be going to Meridian tonight."

I learned the young man's name was Carlos Lopez.  I now noticed his young wife was in the car watching us.  She got behind the steering wheel and we pushed the car off the busy road onto the side street.  They assured me they would be all right and profusely thanked me so I left, headed for my young friend's home.

As I prepared to turn onto the street where my young man lived I noticed the car in front of me turned onto the street as well.  When they pulled into the driveway I realized it was his parents who had been at the same meeting I had just left.

I pulled up to the curb, after their car disappeared into the garage, noting that their son's car wasn't in the driveway.  I went ahead and walked up to the door and rang the doorbell, giving them enough time to get in the house from the garage.  The parents are good friends of Jana's and mine and the husband answered the door, immediately inviting me in.

"I came to visit your son but I don't see his car in the driveway."

"No, he's not home right now, but come on in and sit down for a few minutes."

As we sat down his wife joined us and I started asking questions about how their son was doing.  "He's struggling."  With that she started sharing what was going on. We talked for probably three quarters of an hour; pain, concern and worry threaded its way throughout the conversation.  I shared some similar empathetic feelings I've experienced lately and some thoughts I've had that have helped me.

Finally, I thanked them for allowing me to come and intrude upon their evening.

"Do you think it would be all right for us to pray together before I go?"

"Absolutely.  We'd like that."

After our prayer I thanked them again, hugged them both and left, feeling lifted, buoyed and at peace.

I had not realized that, even though I thought it was the young man I needed to visit, it was actually the parents, and in the process we were all filled together.  Had I not been prompted to stop and attempt to help a stranded motorist, I would have knocked at an empty house and left, missing a truly loving thing this evening.

I was concerned that it was pretty late and I had not called Jana to let her know where I was.  When I came in the house I went straight to the bedroom where I knew I'd find her to let her know I was home.  Without any evidence of feeling upset she listened intently as I told her about my evening.  I then asked her about her evening and she shared how she and our daughter had been shopping and running errands, having a pleasant time.  (As my daughter and her friend would shop, Jana would sit in the car, blissfully reading.  This, I think, would be the perfect version of a shopping trip for Jana.)

Jana's patience, understanding and trust was a very loving thing tonight, allowing me to follow quiet promptings.  My evening was also a very loving thing offered by a very loving God Who lifts us as we attempt to lift others, thus allowing us all to rise together.
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Frozen Drainpipes and the Gift of Appreciation

It's been a busy three days.  The primary reason is due to the extreme cold weather we've been experiencing here in this corner of Idaho.  The nights have been -3 to -8 degrees and the days have only warmed up to about 18 degrees.

This cold snap has had an effect on many homes, including my wife's mother's home.  Yesterday I got a call from mother's caregiver that there was no water in any of the taps.  With the help of a plumber we found that the water main at the water meter had frozen.  We got it thawed out and I insulated the meter.

At 11:00 yesterday evening I received a call from mother stating that her basement was flooded.  We got that mopped up, thanks to the help of our nighttime companion, Kendra.

I spent the afternoon today at mother's trying to figure out the source of last night's flood and why the utility room sink is full and won't drain.  Finally, with the help of the same plumber as yesterday we came up with a cause and a solution.  The solution entails thawing out a drain pipe that is exposed outside in the bottom of a window well.

This evening we had a ward activity ringing and singing at two community Salvation Army kettles, followed by food and fun at my first counselor's home.  I then headed back to mother's to build a tent over the window well and set an electric heater there to thaw the drain pipe.

In the midst of this Jana has been extremely attentive to what is going on and has expressed her appreciation many times.  But I was particularly touched by her thoughtfulness this evening.  After returning home from our young adult activity and before I headed back to mother's she stopped me.

"Before you go, I've made out a deposit to reimburse you for your expenses so far at mother's home.  I've also included money for gas and the additional expenses that are coming.  I just want you to know how much I appreciate you."

There is no tangible way I can communicate the tenderness and thoughtful care with which Jana handed me the deposit envelope and, once again, let me know how much she appreciated my help.  I think appreciation must be one of the keys to love, respect and richness in any marriage.  The heartfelt expression of appreciation and acknowledgment are loving things that cause one to want to do even more, to try even harder, to return the appreciation by being more sensitive to the smallest of loving things expressed by your spouse.

I am so grateful for the unspoken feelings shown to me by Jana in her smile, in her eyes and in the melody of her words.  I truly am a lucky man.

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There May Be a Hole in the Bucket But Breakfast is on the Table

Monday morning when I got up Jana asked if I would go put some gas in the van so she could make it the one mile to work, and so we'd have enough to make it to the Ison Family Christmas Home Evening in Boise that evening.

Out the door I headed.

However, once outside I saw it had snowed our first shovelable snow during the night, maybe an inch.  I can't stand walking on new snow on my sidewalk knowing that when I do the footsteps will turn to ice making it twice as hard to shovel later.  So I headed for the garage to grab my snow shovel.  I shoveled out to the street then realized that the kids would soon be headed for school across the street.  So I turned right and shoveled to the corner.

We live on a corner lot so I then went ahead and shoveled down the side street to the neighbor's yard so the kids could walk on a clean sidewalk. I then headed back and went the other way.  My next door neighbor is an older single woman and I always shovel her walks so I headed across her property to the alley by the seminary building.

Heading back to my yard I shoveled around the van.  I then started the van to warm it up.  I grabbed the show brush and cleaned the van of its snowy blanket.  This, of course, deposited snow on the ground where I had just shoveled so I shoveled around the van again.  I then made the full circle and shoveled back to the front door from the driveway.

Retiring the shovel to the front porch I got in the van and headed for Maverick two blocks away to fill the gas tank, finally returning home with gas in the van.

In our daily morning routine I cook breakfast.  I headed into the house to get started on breakfast, but to my great delight, when I walked in breakfast was already ready and on the table.  Jana had gone ahead and prepared breakfast for us and it was waiting as I walked in the door.  I really appreciated that simple loving thing.  I had been concerned about being late and putting our morning schedule into panic mode.

My morning kinda reminds me of the old Scout song I used to lead, "There's a hole in the bucket".  But at least in the real life version, this morning, it ended with breakfast.

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Pork Roast and Heart

Some months ago I started changing some of my eating habits to improve my health.  These eating habits required some small changes in our grocery shopping, including more protein in my diet along with more veggies.  Jana does the grocery shopping for our family so she was the one who did the greatest amount of preparation work to accommodate my changes.

This afternoon she did some minor grocery shopping to restock the larder.  An hour or so later she was getting ready to go pick up our daughter from work.  I wandered into the kitchen and she was just putting a pork roast in the crock pot.

"I'm just putting this roast in so it will be ready in a couple hours.  I also have some chicken and some ground beef that I'll cook up so you'll have plenty of variety to choose from this week."

Precooking the meats and putting them in the fridge makes meal planning for myself so much easier during the week.  This kind service Jana does is really just for me as this meat isn't really used much for family evening meals.  I am so grateful for this loving thing that is so helpful to me.

It's after 11:00 now and Jana is still up (listening to her iPod) waiting for the pork roast to cool down so she can bag it and put it in the fridge.  You know, I really think I can probably do that, so I'd better sign off.
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Simple, Uncomplicated Loving Traditions

Thanksgiving is behind us and we're officially in Christmas Mode in our house.  I keep all our Christmas decorations in two large Rubbermaid® storage boxes.  I got them down a week ago so we could get started celebrating Christmas.

Aaron, Melanie and Morgan were in town over the Thanksgiving weekend and stayed with us at night.  On Saturday I got the lights out and said, "Morgan, let's go outside."  So he helped me put the Christmas lights up, at least as much as a 3 year old can help.  We had a number of things going on that day so I felt pretty good getting that much of our Christmas started.  (And I felt very good having spent some fun time with my grandson.)

Wednesday night I had interviews at the church.  As I left Jana commented, "We're putting up the Christmas decorations tonight."

Jana and I are not really decorative people.  Our home is simple, functional and, for us, comfortable.  A couple years ago the wife of a friend of mine commented, just in passing, "You being an artist, I'll bet your home is decorated beautifully."  (Needless to say, I've never invited she and her husband over.)

Our simple style extends to our Christmas decorations as well.  We have many traditional decorations we've collected over the years, many homemade, that we love to put up.  They bring warm memories.  Like the canning jar lids with simple Christmas bell shapes punched out with a hammer and nail hung on a piece of red ribbon and made by Aaron when he was in kindergarten.  Or the nativity set my sister made for us out of clay one year when she couldn't afford to buy gifts.  (The clay she used wasn't fired, rather just left to dry and harden.  The characters, cute as they are, are very brittle.  We have hot-glued legs, arms and donkey ears many times over the years but still gingerly bring them out again each year as part of our Christmas decoration traditions.  My sister died three years ago and the meaning of her nativity set is even more dear now.)

Even so, our simple, family decorations are precious to us.

I haven't been home many evenings for the past couple weeks so Jana decided Wednesday evening would be a good night to set things up. When I got home at about 10:00 our house had magically turned into Christmas.  I looked around and saw the familiar decorations, each with their story, and it felt like home, like Christmas, like love.

I love the simple, uncomplicated joys that Jana finds in our life.  She is just the right match for me.  Her decorating Christmas with Arielle, and turning our home into a warm, loving, peaceful and happy place, not just during Christmas but every day, is a wonderous thing ... a loving thing.

So I'll glue the leg one more time back on the clay camel and stretch another holiday season out of my sister's precious nativity set.  And I'll be truly and simply happy.

P.S.  Can you find the 8 nativity sets on our mantle?

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Write This Down

About 2 years ago I discovered the G2 gel ink pen.  It has a nice smooth flow of rich ink and I love writing with them.  I own 6 of them, although I only know the whereabouts of about 2 at any given point in time.  They seem to migrate around the house but eventually they seem to come back.

They do have one weakness, however.  The little clip that holds the pen in your pocket has a tendency to break off.  I'm not sure why.  I'm certain it's NOT because my daughter absent-mindedly bends them back and forth when she borrows them.

I took a couple of these pens with me when Jana and I went on our anniversary weekend a month ago.  We always take books and journals with us.  It's part of our therapy.  Our host couple was so interesting that Jana must have filled an entire journal about them.

One morning on our weekend we were upstairs in the family room, me reading and Jana writing in her journal.

"Oh, no."

"What's wrong?"

"I just ran out of ink and this is too interesting to stop.  Do you have another pen?"

"Of course I do." Whereupon I gave her the one in my pocket.

Before our anniversary weekend was over (5 days and 4 nights near Clayton, Idaho, along the Salmon River, halfway between Stanley and Challis – just two miles from the middle of nowhere) she managed to drain that pen as well and I gave her my other one, which she also depleted.

The other day Jana came home from a quick grocery shopping trip.  As she opened her Walmart bags she said, "I bought you a present because I love you."

She then pulled out a package of G2 gel ink replacement cartridges and handed them to me.

"Since I used up your ink writing in my journal I wanted to replace it and tell you I love you for letting me run your pens out of ink."

What fun.  Two presents in one: a package of ink replacement cartridges AND an "I love you".  As much as I love my G2 gel ink pens, "I love yous" trump any kind of present any day.  "I love yous" are great loving things.  I just never get tired of hearing them.  I'll let Jana run my G2 gel ink pens out of ink any day in exchange for an "I love you".

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