Launchpad

As empty nesters my wife and I have created a predictable, functional morning routine that gets our day started.  We begin by going to the local rec center bright and early to open the eyes and get the blood pumping.  When we get home Jana showers while I read the scriptures.  I then cook breakfast for us.

After our morning prayer we eat breakfast and read the scriptures together.  She then heads for the bedroom to read the paper while I wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen.  Together we drive to her bus stop where she catches a commuter bus to work.

The other morning Jana, as she sat on the bus bench while I stood keeping an eye out for the bus, turned to me, pulled aside the hood of her pink winter coat with her bemittened hand and said, "I sure appreciate your driving me to the bus every morning.  It just helps me start my day in a happy way.  You're my launchpad.  You launch me into my day."

What a sweet thing to say.  That made me feel loved and appreciated.  It motivates me to keep doing it, every day.  It's little, unexpected loving things like that, unrequested and often undeserved, that make a marriage – and any valued relationship – one that encourages us to try a little harder to give a little more, to be a little more and to love a little more each day.  I know it does for me.

A Loving Detour

Jana and I are different.

When we got married we thought we knew this but it came into sharp focus on our honeymoon.

After our Thursday wedding Jana and I had our first reception on Saturday in Idaho. The next day we headed on our honeymoon, down to Oakland, California, then, after seeing a few sights, off to the Pacific Coast Highway, the famed California Route 1.

We entered the PCH just south of San Jose, where we had toured the infamous Winchester Mystery House.  We drove for a time and just at dusk we pulled off the highway into the beautiful Big Sur campground where I pitched our romantic little two-person backpacking tent by the light of our Chevy Malibu's headlights.

The next morning we headed south.  It was a breathtaking drive where pine-draped mountains plunged into the arguing blue-green pacific ocean.  It seemed that just when you thought you had seen the most beautiful view imaginable, just around the bend (and there were plenty of those) was an even more photogenic vista.

My right brain was awash with wonder and I think I must have pulled off at nearly every turnout on the windy way.  I kept commenting to my lovely, blushing bride the wonders of the scene and assumed her growing silence signaled her wordless wonder.

One noteworthy fact about this stretch of the highway is that once you are committed to the road there is no turning back.  There are no turnoffs or alternate routes, no shortened bypasses and no destinations other than the road itself.

Finally, after nearly 300 winding, up-and-down, looking-over-the-edge, stopping-at-every-turnout mile we came to the first turnoff of the road at San Simeon and the Hearst Castle.  I pulled into a parking area and said, "Sweetheart, let's go take a look."  It was here, on our honeymoon, in a parking lot on the Pacific Coast Highway, that I learned of another valuable difference in our natures.  And that is the purpose of a road.

To me a road was a path to adventure and discovery ... something to be explored and savored.

To Jana a road was simply a way to get from one place to another ... preferably the most direct route between two geolocations.

And so I learned, compelled to be content to look at the opulent newspaper tycoon's monument to excess through the quarter-fed telescope in the parking lot, before jumping into the car without another stop between there and my parent's home some five hours later.

This weekend Jana and I enjoyed a wonderful trip to Utah for my family's annual reunion up Spanish Fork Canyon.  We left after work Thursday, just the two of us since our girls couldn't get off work.  What a wonderful and fun time we had catching up with nearly 200 family members we see all to infrequently. As we headed home Monday we had a delightful book that Jana read to me as we drove and talked our way home.  The only stop we made was a potty stop between Snowville and Sweetzer Summit.

As we neared Boise I noticed that the time was 7:00 pm – the time Chanel, my oldest daughter, gets off work and heads for home.  I thought it would be nice to stop in and say "Hi", tell her about our adventurous weekend and make yet one more lifebond in our family tapestry.  But the lesson I had learned these nearly 34 years ago has become so deeply ingrained that I debated for 3 miles whether I dared ask Jana if she would mind our stopping when we were nearly in view or our journey's destination.

Finally I dared.

"Jana, would it be all right if we pulled off and visited Chanel for a few minutes, since we're so close?"

(Breath held.)

"Sure."

So I called Chanel, caught her enroute home from work and asked if we could stop by and see her on our way home.

Loving things are often the personal preferences we choose to yield as we learn to live and love together.  On the surface they may seem small, almost insignificant, but those small compromises of preference, whether freely offered or patiently proffered, should not be taken for granted, but acknowledged and valued for the loving gifts they are.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Hard Things Can Be Loving Things Too

For my entire adult life I have worked with youth.  Through church assignments, Boy Scouting or community involvement my life's work seems to be lifting and building youth.  My only qualifications would seem to be that I still have bouts with acne and I still have not fully relinquished my hold on my adolescence.

Prior to my calling as the bishop of a young single adult congregation I served the youth in my church overseeing the activities and the adult and youth leaders of eight church congregations.  I was also serving in the Boy Scouting program as a district leader providing training and support for 238 Scouting units (Cub Scout Packs, Boy Scout Troops, Varsity Teams and Venturing Crews) with a commissioner staff of over 90 volunteers and a "Roundtable" training staff of 12 trainers.  Not knowing what the demands would be in my new calling I backed off in my activity with the Scouting program.

In many ways my focus in my current calling as bishop has simplified my life.  It has also given me a great blessing of faith and strength that I could not have foreseen I would need in meeting the needs of energetic, searching, testing, hopeful young single adults as well heart-deep concerns for the evolving dynamics and personal, educational and spiritual struggles of my family.

However, I still get calls and feel the yearning tugs of purpose-driven desires to contribute to a larger circle of influence using what talents or knowledge I have nurtured over my life.  In December I was asked if I would serve as the master of ceremonies for the kick-off assembly for the 100 year anniversary of the Boy Scouting movement to be conducted on the state capitol steps the first Saturday in February.  I called on long-time friend, Lawrence Wasden, Attorney General of the State of Idaho, to address the crowd of uniformed Boy Scouts and their leaders that spilled out into the road in front of the capitol building.  The event was a success and the warm expressions of appreciation were self-satisfying.

Recently, a friend in the stake or region in which I live had asked if I'd help with training for the leaders of 11-year-old boys.  It would not be a huge affair but would entail a Friday evening and Saturday morning commitment with marginal preparation on my part.  I would love to.  But before doing so my personal commitment to Jana is to discuss it with her to gain her support and request her feedback.

I asked Jana over breakfast this morning.  It is easy to read Jana's opinions at times.  Being a drama major for her Associates Degree, she doesn't tend to hide her feelings.  But her verbal response was brief.

"Once they hear you are available for Scouting programs again the phone won't stop ringing."

As I had brought the subject up at the conclusion of breakfast, this was Jana's only comment before her getting up to finish getting ready for work.

I sat and finished my breakfast, torn a bit between two priorities: my life's purpose in working with youth and my eternal purpose in building a celestial relationship with Jana.  In black and white the decision seems obvious.  But, when you mix it with the feelings of emotion and satisfaction and purpose and contribution and praise and pride, it becomes a little harder to balance.  Life's decisions are not always between good and bad.  In fact, I believe the defining decisions that will make the greatest eternal difference will be the decisions between good and good.  They will be the decisions that not only reveal our hearts, but our true desires.

As Jana readied herself for work I didn't feel I understood her real core position. I knew the "what", but I didn't know the "why".  As I continued to sit, finishing my breakfast (I'm a slow breakfast finisher) she came back in and sat down.

"When are you going to get the computers sold?  When are you going to get the dozen things done you say you need to in order to get our business on solid ground?  When will you find the time to help me with the few things I need, like the visual aids for my Relief Society speech?

"To me, your extracurricular activities mean distraction, postponing other needed things; it means time taken away from your work; it means competition for your attention.

"The bishopric means focus; it means balance; it means peace."

"You can choose if you want to help out with that program, but once people learn you are available the calls won't stop."

Now I knew the "why" – the core-deep perceptions that I needed to know.  The "whats" give us a position.  The "whys" give us meaning.

A number of years ago I needed to make a business decision whether or not to hire a young man.  I went back and forth in my mind, trying to justify the expense, the risk, and the dynamic changes it would necessitate.  In the course of my decision making I decided to fast and then went to a place I consider sacred; a place where I could get the insight, the inspiration I needed to make a decision.

I thought long and hard on the matter but soon found a peace settle over me, absorbing the spirit of the experience.  It was then, when my mind was calmed and not pushing, that the clear revelation came.

"Kevin, the 'right' decision is the one you and Jana make together.  The actual decision isn't important; the important thing is how you make it."

Sometimes loving things are hard things.  I needed to know Jana's "whys".  I needed to see her perspective; to see the issue through her eyes.  If I had fixated on the "what" I could very easily become defensive and missed the quiet "I love you" hidden in the "why".

I have absolute faith in Jana's love for me; in her desire that our relationship continue to grow, not only in time, but through eternity.  If I can just manage to keep that faith – no, by now in our relationship I guess it's no longer faith; time and experience have turned my faith in her love into a sure knowledge – if I can just manage to keep that fact fixed in my heart I know I will have the power and the purpose to listen carefully and choose well.

Photos courtesy the Idaho Statesman

http://www.idahostatesman.com/2010/02/09/1073054/scouts-throw-a-birthday-party.html 

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Too Few Evenings

In our church the men who hold the priesthood (which is most of the active men) are given the responsibility of visiting 3 to 5 members each month just to see how they are doing, to provide help if needed and to share an uplifting message.  We call this one-on-one service "Home Teaching".

Even though I'm currently serving as bishop of an active congregation or "Ward" I'm not exempt from this caring service.  But it seems I have a difficult time getting my home teaching done each month as I have so few evenings available.  Last month I had one evening available so I called my companion the day before and left a message on his voice mail to arrange to go together.  I then called each of the five individuals I'm responsible for to try to schedule a few minutes to visit each one, not knowing if I was going to have a companion or not.

I was able to schedule visits with three of them, but first I had an interview at 7:00 with a young lady at the church.  Two of the members I was going to visit were single young women.  We have a policy not to visit a single woman without a companion and, when the evening came, my companion was unavailable.  At the last minute I asked Jana if she would mind coming with me.  She and our daughter Arielle had some running around they needed to do but she said she'd try to meet me at the church at 7:30 after my appointment.

At 7:35 there was a quiet but melodic knock on my door.  I excused myself briefly and answered it and there stood my sweetheart.  I told her I'd be out shortly.  My interviewee was talkative, which is good, but I didn't get out until about 7:50.

Jana then followed me in her car to my first young woman's home and, like she always does, fully engaged her with questions and empathetic listening.  She then followed me to my second appointment at a young man's home.  Jana suggested I could visit him alone (his father was also home) and asked that I pick her up at home on my way to my third appointment at another young woman's home, which I did.  We again had a wonderful visit with this young woman.

Jana's help that night was truly a sacrifice on her part and, frankly, disrupted her evening because she had other things planned.  I was so grateful for her help.  She is always such a good listener to the members of our congregation.  She has a gift of getting them talking about themselves which makes them feel heard and valued.  What an extremely loving thing Jana did for me and for those we visited.  She's not only a blessing to me, but to our entire ward, one-on-one.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.