Prior to my calling as the bishop of a young single adult congregation I served the youth in my church overseeing the activities and the adult and youth leaders of eight church congregations. I was also serving in the Boy Scouting program as a district leader providing training and support for 238 Scouting units (Cub Scout Packs, Boy Scout Troops, Varsity Teams and Venturing Crews) with a commissioner staff of over 90 volunteers and a "Roundtable" training staff of 12 trainers. Not knowing what the demands would be in my new calling I backed off in my activity with the Scouting program.
In many ways my focus in my current calling as bishop has simplified my life. It has also given me a great blessing of faith and strength that I could not have foreseen I would need in meeting the needs of energetic, searching, testing, hopeful young single adults as well heart-deep concerns for the evolving dynamics and personal, educational and spiritual struggles of my family.
However, I still get calls and feel the yearning tugs of purpose-driven desires to contribute to a larger circle of influence using what talents or knowledge I have nurtured over my life. In December I was asked if I would serve as the master of ceremonies for the kick-off assembly for the 100 year anniversary of the Boy Scouting movement to be conducted on the state capitol steps the first Saturday in February. I called on long-time friend, Lawrence Wasden, Attorney General of the State of Idaho, to address the crowd of uniformed Boy Scouts and their leaders that spilled out into the road in front of the capitol building. The event was a success and the warm expressions of appreciation were self-satisfying.
Recently, a friend in the stake or region in which I live had asked if I'd help with training for the leaders of 11-year-old boys. It would not be a huge affair but would entail a Friday evening and Saturday morning commitment with marginal preparation on my part. I would love to. But before doing so my personal commitment to Jana is to discuss it with her to gain her support and request her feedback.
I asked Jana over breakfast this morning. It is easy to read Jana's opinions at times. Being a drama major for her Associates Degree, she doesn't tend to hide her feelings. But her verbal response was brief.
"Once they hear you are available for Scouting programs again the phone won't stop ringing."
As I had brought the subject up at the conclusion of breakfast, this was Jana's only comment before her getting up to finish getting ready for work.
I sat and finished my breakfast, torn a bit between two priorities: my life's purpose in working with youth and my eternal purpose in building a celestial relationship with Jana. In black and white the decision seems obvious. But, when you mix it with the feelings of emotion and satisfaction and purpose and contribution and praise and pride, it becomes a little harder to balance. Life's decisions are not always between good and bad. In fact, I believe the defining decisions that will make the greatest eternal difference will be the decisions between good and good. They will be the decisions that not only reveal our hearts, but our true desires.
As Jana readied herself for work I didn't feel I understood her real core position. I knew the "what", but I didn't know the "why". As I continued to sit, finishing my breakfast (I'm a slow breakfast finisher) she came back in and sat down.
"When are you going to get the computers sold? When are you going to get the dozen things done you say you need to in order to get our business on solid ground? When will you find the time to help me with the few things I need, like the visual aids for my Relief Society speech?
"To me, your extracurricular activities mean distraction, postponing other needed things; it means time taken away from your work; it means competition for your attention.
"The bishopric means focus; it means balance; it means peace."
"You can choose if you want to help out with that program, but once people learn you are available the calls won't stop."
Now I knew the "why" – the core-deep perceptions that I needed to know. The "whats" give us a position. The "whys" give us meaning.
A number of years ago I needed to make a business decision whether or not to hire a young man. I went back and forth in my mind, trying to justify the expense, the risk, and the dynamic changes it would necessitate. In the course of my decision making I decided to fast and then went to a place I consider sacred; a place where I could get the insight, the inspiration I needed to make a decision.
I thought long and hard on the matter but soon found a peace settle over me, absorbing the spirit of the experience. It was then, when my mind was calmed and not pushing, that the clear revelation came.
"Kevin, the 'right' decision is the one you and Jana make together. The actual decision isn't important; the important thing is how you make it."
Sometimes loving things are hard things. I needed to know Jana's "whys". I needed to see her perspective; to see the issue through her eyes. If I had fixated on the "what" I could very easily become defensive and missed the quiet "I love you" hidden in the "why".
I have absolute faith in Jana's love for me; in her desire that our relationship continue to grow, not only in time, but through eternity. If I can just manage to keep that faith – no, by now in our relationship I guess it's no longer faith; time and experience have turned my faith in her love into a sure knowledge – if I can just manage to keep that fact fixed in my heart I know I will have the power and the purpose to listen carefully and choose well.
Photos courtesy the Idaho Statesman
http://www.idahostatesman.com/2010/02/09/1073054/scouts-throw-a-birthday-party.html
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