Water Closet Congregation

Several months ago Jana's work schedule changed.  With that change our morning routine changed as well.  We get up a little before 5:00 and head to the Rec Center.  There we work out and energize the start to our day.  Jana generally walks the indoor track and I walk, workout in the weight room or ride a bike.

She usually finishes first and waits a few minutes for me to finish my last lap.  But this morning when I walked off the track Jana was nowhere to be seen.  I looked down the mezzanine that is suspended midway through the building above the gym floor on one side and the pools on the other, lined with every imaginable piece of cardiovascular equipment (and a few unimaginable ones), toward the bathroom end of the second floor.  No Jana.

I asked a woman I know if she had seen my sweetheart.  "I think I saw her on the track."  I thought that was unusual but waited about three minutes to see if she would come 'round the bend.  But she didn't.

I went downstairs to see if she was waiting there for me.  No Jana.

I headed back up again and stood at one end of the mezzanine where, if she came out of hiding somewhere, she'd be sure to see me.  I was a little worried, for two reasons.  One, she is very predictable because after our workout she is anxious to get home and get ready for work.  And two, she is very predictable.

I glanced over at the coat rack where we hang our coats and Jana's grey, oversized BYUI sweatshirt was hanging there.  "Well, she's still in the building" I thought.

After another five minutes I finally saw her, coming out of the women's restroom at the opposite end of the mezzanine.  I walked over and grabbed her sweatshirt so I could help her on with it and as I held it out so she could slip her arm in the sleeve I asked, "Are you all right?" thinking maybe she wasn't feeling well.

"Perfectly.  I was just giving my Sunday School lesson in the loo.  Oh, it's going to be such a good lesson."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes.  I was all alone except for this other lady.  I could have given it out loud because she had her hair dryer on and it was so loud you couldn't hear a thing."

Jana is a wonderful teacher.  She currently teaches the Marriage and Family Relations class in our ward.  I just love her unaffected, matter-of-fact approach to life, like "What's unusual about giving a lesson in the loo?"  That's one of the loving things I appreciate about her.

And I'm sure Jana's water closet congregation really enjoyed the lesson as well.

Day 1 - International Culture Anniversary

Jana and I had a wonderful anniversary this year.  We always do.  It has become such a tradition among her colleagues where Jana works that they start asking what she's going to do for her anniversary starting in August.  To which Jana replies, "I'm not telling ... until after the anniversary."

However, I do know that some of them sometimes get a little disappointed when they learn it isn't a wonderfully extravagant journey to someplace exotic.  In fact, this year one of her coworkers asked, "Since you take turns each year don't you try to outdo each other?"

Her answer?  "No.  It's about the time together."

And that's the point.  It's about taking a few days and isolating ourselves from the pressures and worries and interruptions and distractions that constantly pull at our relationship and just focus on being together, whether it's in Oceanside, Oregon, or Kuna, Idaho.

And this year was no different.

Jana came up with the theme of a Multi-Cultural Experience.  I shared in my last post the letter I received Sunday evening.  I knew no more about what we were going to be doing after I read the letter than I did before.

Day One of our Multi-Cultural Anniversary

"The Culture of Old World Wealth"

I had been told that we were leaving the house at 10:30 am.  Jana had already gassed up the van and once I started up the car she said, "Head for the freeway toward Boise."

I followed directions until we ended up on Warm Springs Ave.  We drove up the avenue to a grocery store where we pulled in. We went inside and I was told to buy some treats to keep up my energy.  After we got our treats Jana said, "We've always driven up Warm Springs and commented that we'd sure like to someday look at the beautiful mansions.  Well, today, we're taking a 'walking tour' of Warm Springs Ave."

Warm Springs is a well-known street in Boise where, a hundred-plus years ago, the affluent built beautiful homes: some very victorian, some more modern.  We headed down Warm Springs just walking and looking at the beautiful homes, wandering up side streets – whatever looked interesting.  We wandered about 3/4 of a mile, crossed the street and meandered back, taking it all in, talking about the houses, who would live there, what renovations were being made and how much we enjoyed being together.

After two hours we had made it back to our van and were ready for the next "culture".

"Oregon Coast Culture I"

After leaving Warm Springs we headed back to town, got on the freeway and made our way to the Towne Square Mall.  We didn't go to the mall, but wandered past it to an industrial/warehouse-looking building with several businesses occupying the space.  However, one of the spaces was a little different than the rest of the warehouse occupants.  The sign above the entrance read "Idaho Aquarium".  I had seen the place before but always assumed, with the large pictures of fish on the wall, that it was a place that sold exotic fish to people with fish tanks.  But no, it was an aquarium that displays sea-life.

For a $7 donation we got to see and pet rays, baby sharks (including a hammerhead shark), eels, jellyfish, lionfish and other tropical fish.  We got to stare down the free-range iguanas wandering about, laugh at the puffins and watch the chameleons change their colors.

(From Jana:   Here's the deal about the Idaho Aquarium.  When you walk outside afterwards, you are still in Idaho. Bummer.  It puts you in such a mood for the ocean and yet there you stand in the parking lot and nary a seagull to be found.  Bummer again.  It's sort of like bait & switch.)  

Each year, during our anniversary, we buy a Christmas ornament for our hodge-podge of a Christmas tree.  I found a small, round refrigerator magnet with a very small starfish on it that I'll drill a hole in, put a ribbon through and add to our collection this Christmas.

"Oregon Coast Culture II"

By now it was after 1:00 so we headed to "Oregon Coast Culture II", McGrath's Fish House.  Jana had found a coupon for a reduced price on salmon dinners at McGrath's.  However, when we went to order the waiter apologized that the special was over.  They had a steak coupon now.  So he gave us some more time to go back over the menu to pick our steak special.

Shortly he came running back, breathlessly saying, "Don't order.  Don't order."  He continued, "I talked to the kitchen and they said you can have the salmon specials, whichever one you want."  And so we did.

(From Jana:  I figured after looking at fish (aquarium), it was time to eat fish.   (However, I draw the line at octopus.  I don't like chewing tire tread.)  The salmon & halibut at McGrath's was delicious.)

"Indulge-Your-Wife Culture"

Next on our adventure was something just for Jana.  She has been looking for a blue blazer to wear for  her business wardrobe and had heard of a thrift shop that was supposed to be very good.  Over the past two years Jana has learned to love consignment shopping and found that she can really stretch her dollar on buying clothes.  We headed for the Boise Assistance League Thrift Shop near the Boise Fairgrounds.

I love shopping for clothes with Jana and picking things I think would look good for her.  I take credit for finding the blazer and she ended up plunking down $8.  We also looked at jewelry which she has gained more interest in since working.

Before moving on to our next "culture" we saw a consignment furniture store across the parking lot and found two recliners that tempted us sorely to adopt.  But we withstood the temptation.

"The Sugar Culture"

Next to the thrift store was a bakery that Jana has heard about for years but has never gone to: Pastry Perfection.  Walking in this store puts on 350 calories just smelling the air.  We looked and smelled and looked some more, finally each choosing a confection to take with us.

"The Hipster Culture"

Arielle introduced us to the "hipster culture" a couple years ago.  The epicenter of the hipster haute couture in Boise is Urban Outfitters in downtown.  We parked in a downtown parking garage and started walking downtown toward the 8th Street marketplace area.  We had fun looking at downtown and the downtown dwellers as we meandered past the Boise Centre on the Grove and the Century Link Arena.  What fun looping in and out of downtown book shops and clothing stores.  We found a chocolate confectioner where we could have dropped $27 for 12 bite-sized pieces of chocolate, but we resisted.

It was fun watching workers and a very tall crane building a large tower that will one day be the core of a new high rise building in downtown.

"Mediterranean Culture"

It was now after 6:30 and time for our next cultural adventure.  Jana directed me toward the Park Center area of East Boise, looking for an address.  We finally found the address attached to a small, hidden eatery call the Mazzah Grill.  This restaurant features Mediterranean cuisine with food samplings from Italy, Greece, Turkey, Syria and that region.  Jana had, again, found this place online and read good reviews about it.

I had a combo kabob plate including shish kabob, marinated chicken kabob and pork kabob with a Syrian fatoosh salad of tomatoes, cucumbers, onions and a dressing I've never tasted before.  Yummy.  Jana had the fatoosh salad with a Greek gyro sandwich.  We took our time and just talked while we ate.

"International Culture"

After dinner we had one more culture to experience before calling it a day.  I was told it wasn't starting until 9:00 pm and it was only 7:50 as we left the restaurant.  We headed for home for an hour where I took a 45 minute snooze and then out the door we went.

For our international culture we headed for the Edwards movie theater.  Since it was a little later on a Monday evening there wasn't really a line at the window where Jana purchased two tickets to see the "Bourne Legacy".  I happen to like the suspense of the the Bourne movie trilogy so Jana took us for this international ride:  international because the movie storyline takes you across the globe.

Jana did an amazing job in arranging this evening.  When we walked into our theater we were the only two people there.  We had the whole movie to ourselves.  When we finally got out at nearly midnight we walked out of our theater into the common halls of this 14 theater complex and there wasn't another person in the building.  We didn't even see an employee as we walked through theater, past the snack bar and through the main lobby.  Jana had the whole movie theater opened just for us.  How do you top that?


We dragged ourselves home and collapsed into bed.  Jana had told me the day before when she first delivered the letter to me about our anniversary plan that we were going to experience things we had never experienced before.  So far she was living up to her promise.  We just had so much fun on Day One exploring new things close to home and mostly just walking and talking together.

Day One had truly been a loving thing.  Now, on to Day Two.

International Culture Anniversary

Several weeks ago we were sitting around the breakfast table at 5:30 am when Jana commented she was tired.

"How come?"

"Because I didn't sleep much last night?"

"Why?  Weren't you feeling well?"

"No. I was planning our anniversary.   Oh, we're going to have so much fun.  I can hardly wait."

I think I've mentioned it before but Jana and I have an anniversary tradition.  It started clear back when we'd been married for 9 years.  When Jana and I were married we were married in Salt Lake City, Utah.  For our wedding night I had arranged for a room in the Tura Mura Lodge at the Snowbird ski resort nearby in the mountains east of Salt Lake.  I had made the arrangement without Jana's knowledge and our wedding night location was a big surprise to her.

For our 9 year anniversary I decided to take her back, again, without her knowing it.  One Friday morning in October we got up, had our school day morning routines and went out on the porch to see Aaron off to school on his bike.  As he left he said, "See you later, Mom ... much later." To which we waved him goodbye.

As soon as he was out of sight I turned to Jana.  "Sweetheart, get in the car."

"But I'm not dressed."  (She was wearing her long flannel night gown.)

"Doesn't matter.  Get in the car anyway."

We put three year old Chanel in the car, got in and left.  We went to Jana's sister's home here in town to drop off Chanel, complete with a prepacked suitcase, and headed for the freeway.  Forty five minutes later, after we had passed Boise and were well on our way to Mountain Home, Jana asked, "Where ARE we going?"

To which I replied, "Happy Annivesary!"

"But I don't have any clothes!"

"Don't worry.  They're in the trunk."

We had a wonderful time for three days.  And it was so fun, surprising her all over again.  On our way home she said, "Next year, I'm in charge of our anniversary."  And so a tradition started.

The rules are simple:

• This is alone time.  No distractions from work or other events.
• Be fully engaged in our time together.
• It must be planned -- no "let's just see what happens" excuse for not putting forth the effort to plan.
• Take turns being totally in charge ( I get odd years, Jana gets even).
• Keep the event a complete secret as to what's planned, from your spouse or anyone else.
• Tease your spouse starting months ahead about how much fun we'll have together.  (Such as "I just made our reservations for our anniversary!!  And you don't know what we're doing.")

I could spend a year talking about all the adventures we've had on these anniversaries –– like the year we spent four days in a barn loft in Inkom, Idaho; or the senior citizens bus trip to Baker City, Oregon; or the four days at the May Family Ranch on the Salmon River, halfway between Stanley and Salmon, Idaho; or the week at Otter Rock on the Oregon Coast.  Our adventures could fill a year's worth of blog posts, but that's not the point of this post.

If you ask Jana what her favorite holiday is, she won't tell you Christmas or the Fourth of July.  She'll say, "Our wedding anniversary."

So this year is our 36th anniversary and, being an even year, it's Jana's turn.  She had me block out this next week a couple months ago.  A week ago she said, "Sunday, night we need to have an anniversary meeting."  So, tonight I've been looking forward to our "meeting".

I sat down on the couch.  Arielle, living at home right now between college semesters, was here too.  Jana handed me a blank envelope, then sat back and smiled.  The note read:

2012 Wedding Anniversary
Number 36
Prepare for fun!

Multi-Cultural Experience

Monday (leave 10:30 am-ish)

• The Culture of Old World Wealth
• Indulge-your-Wife Culture (always a good thing)
• The Sugar Culture
• Oregon Coast Culture I
• Oregon Coast Culture II
• Hipster Culture
• French Culture
• International Culture (all over the map)

Tuesday (leave same time as yesterday)

This day has a special rule:  NO matter what happens, the computer and your office are off-limits to you!!!  [Note:  I work at home and my office is in my home.]

Today we will do our food storage shopping at the Winco on Fairview Ave.  Why there?  Because it's kitty-korner from a restaurant I want to try.

After shopping, lunch, putting away food, the rest of the day is free for special projects.  (How about you paint? [I'm currently in the process of painting our home]  And I will sew.)

Wednesday (leave same as before)

• Ancient History Culture
• Redneck Culture
• Jewish Culture
• Latin Culture
• Idaho History Culture
• Mediterranean Culture
• Indian Culture (as in Calcutta)

We will be very cultured after this anniversary.  Almost like world travelers at a fraction of the cost.

As of tonight, that's what I know.  This post will need to continue tomorrow as the mystery anniversary unfolds.  For me, anniversaries and surprises are loving things.

You Would've Loved It

The company where Jana works was recently sold to another hospital organization and as the companies merge their billing offices perhaps only 1/3 of the current jobs will be available.  This leaves an office with a lot of anxiety clouding the air.

The original company, however, is trying to help it's outgoing employees as much as possible, including bringing in special services to help with resume writing, dealing with change and other helpful support.  They really are trying to ease the transition.

The other day Jana came bubbling home from work.  As she danced through the door she called, "I wish you could've been with me today!"

They had a woman come in from a consulting company to talk about resume's, how to write them, what companies are looking for and how to prepare for interviews.

"You would've loved the presenter.  She was so polished, had good stories to illustrate her points, was dynamic and really had the audience in her hands."

Jana's college degree is in speech communications and she is a very practiced public speaker.  Because she is good she is also very aware of other speakers.  Over the years I have also enjoyed the good fortune to speak in business presentations, seminars, staff training and keynotes as well as in church speaking opportunities.  Our conversations after presentations are centered around elements in our speeches that worked, audience response, the impact of stories, responses to questions and so forth.  I have learned so much from Jana over the years as she is free and yet kind with her feedback on my presentations and is attentive and appreciative with my observations for hers.

Jana also knows that I am always interested, as she is, in watching and listening to other speakers and learning from them.  When she burst through the door and said, "I wish you could've been with me today!", she was sharing an exciting and common interest – something she knew we'd both love: a presenter who knew how to move an audience.

"The whole time I was thinking, 'Oh, I wish Kevin could be here.  He'd love watching this woman'."

The loving thing was in her wanting to share an experience with me and thinking about me as she enjoyed it.  It's the idea of being thought about warmly when you're apart, and then not being able to come home fast enough to share it.  
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

"I Have So Much to Talk About"

Jana always seems to come home from work happy.  This is especially true on Friday.

I had sent her an email at work at 3:50pm, just ten minutes before she was to get off work.

Would you like to go to a movie with me at 7:00 tonight?

Mystery Date

When she walked in the door she declared,

YES!  I'd love to go out!

When we climbed into the van to head out for a cheap dinner before the movie she effused,

I have so much to talk about.  I can hardly wait!

We got to Chicago Connection and ordered our salad bar dinners and she almost exploded,

Can I tell you about my day?

She had a great day at work and was able to get resolutions on several large hospital insurance accounts that she has been dogging down for two and three months. This was a major victory and she was excited and proud about it, and rightfully so.

She then brought along some papers and announced,

These are the finalists in my hunt for an Oregon Coast rental house for our anniversary in October.  Read them and tell me what you think.

I read through them and commented on them as I did.  We then discussed the pros and cons and narrowed the choice down to two properties in Otter Bay, north of Newport.  She then jumped in,

Can I go ahead and make a decision?  

Jana loves to have something to look forward to.  I found last weekend as we listened to a set of tapes called "Light His Fire" that women in general always need something to look forward to; it makes the minor inconveniences and trials of daily life more bearable.  I have learned how important it is to her so I try to encourage it.  Besides, it's fun for me too.

One of the things I love about Jana is her optimism, joy and excitement for life ... especially for experiences ... and especially for experiences with me.  It's so fun to hear the excitement in her voice and see her eyes flash.  What a loving thing.  Am I smart or what in choosing Jana?
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Pizza and Brownie Romance

I have a special group of men with whom I work in my church service.  Lately, I've felt I wanted to build our bonds a little closer, not just among ourselves but with our wives as well, so Sunday, at the close of our early morning meeting, I asked them if they would like a cheap date Friday night.  I invited them to come to our home, with their wives, just for a relaxed evening of gobble and gab.

This is not something I do very lightly. And for good reason.

When Jana and I had been married for just a short time I sat in church one Sunday and in our men's organization meeting they asked for volunteers to bring a couple dozen cookies for a party.  I had a pre-conception of what "oneness" in marriage meant.  I grew up seeing my mother volunteer for things that would require major participation from my father, knowing that my Dad would absolutely back her up with whatever help she needed.  I also saw my Dad volunteer for things that would require my mother's help.  They seemed to know that marriage was a partnership and I assumed that was just the way it was, giving no thought as to how it got there.

When I came home and announced to Jana that I had volunteered (her) to bring a couple dozen cookies to the party her response defined one facet of our evolving marriage.

"Well, you'd better make sure you have all the ingredients and give yourself enough time to get them done."

That response really caused a major shift in my internal understanding of what "being one" in marriage meant.  It felt like I actually heard an audible "CRACK" in the time-space continuum.  It took some time (meaning years) to redefine for myself what "oneness" in my marriage meant.

From that experience I learned, early on, that I do not volunteer Jana; she has her own voice and it is alto, not tenor.  More than once in our marriage this has caused a quizzical look or even a question when the uninitiated ventured to ask, "Do you think your wife would offer a prayer/bake a pie/bring a casserole to this or that event?"  My practiced response would invariably be,

"I don't know.  Why don't you ask her?"

When I invited my colleagues and their spouses over for this Friday I knew exactly what it meant: it was up to me to plan and organize the evening.  When I told her what I had done it was not with the intent to ask her to do anything other than to look forward to an enjoyable evening.

Monday was our regular weekly "home evening" at the church and we had a dinner.  The young men were serving and had planned the dinner for the young women in our singles ward and it was a fun evening.  My part was to bake the potatoes for a potato bar plus make two cobblers.  I didn't bother telling Jana what I had volunteered for so when she got home from work the foil wrapped potatoes were already baked and were keeping hot in the insulated carrier and the cobblers were in the oven.

Because I need to be at the church a little earlier and tend to stay a little later than Jana, she and I arrive in two cars each Monday evening.  When I got home shortly after 10:00 we were chatting before going to bed.  Then Jana mentioned,

"I talked to the wives about Friday night and we're going to have pizza.  Debbie will bring her famous brownies and Dee will bring a drink.  We can probably just eat on our laps in the living room rather than trying to fit eight people in our little dining room."

Now, to many, this may not seem like a huge thing, but to me this was truly a loving thing.  I was planning on taking care of the preparation and in no way wanted to impose on Jana's time commitments.  But I do admit it lifts a self-imposed burden from my preparation for the evening.

Jana has taught me over the years that when I do things that lighten her load and ease her burden this means "romance" to her.  I'm now beginning to understand because this week pizza and brownies, eaten on your lap, in the company of friends is as romantic as dinner served with fine china, soft music and candlelight.  And the bonus is that the romance will last all week long.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU. 

Tire Chains, Wiper Blades and a New Year

I received double value on my loving things this evening.  It being New Years Eve (man, what happened to that year?) we are finalizing Arielle's preparations for college.  We leave tomorrow for Rexburg.  We had some minor, last minute shopping chores to accomplish and so were out and about as the snow was falling, making the roads around town more and more trecherous.

As we slid and skidded along I became more aware of the need to make sure the van is winter-ready.  I have basically good tires but the two front tires are a little more worn that the rear tires.  Also, as the snow fell, I noted my windshield wipers were leaving large streaks across the driver's side of the windshield.  The hour was getting later (after 5:00) and the roads were getting slicker and the news supporting the idea that it could be snowing all the way to Rexburg was leaving me more and more concerned about providing safe passage across the state.

Finally, after our last stop I made a right turn rather than heading straight for home.  Jana, just as tense as I, asked where we were heading.

"Please just trust me."

I just concentrated on driving, with a heading for Big O Tires.  When we got there they were closed already.  It was now 10 minutes before 6:00 and I was concerned about making it to a store where I could take care of the van.  I headed for Schuck's Auto Parts.  As I pulled into the store it was just about 6:00, but they were open.  Jana and Arielle stayed in the van with it running while I ventured inside.

On the driver's side of the windshield there is a low area directly in front of the line of vision.  It has always been hard to find wipers that can actually clear the driver's side of the windshield.  I presented my concern to the middle-aged clerk and he recommended a high end (read "expensive") solution.  I was skeptical of the blade but he was sure it would solve the problem.

I bought the blades and headed out to the car to try them out before leaving the store.  With increasingly freezing fingers I opened the fool-proof packaging of the wiper blades, removed the old ones (how come I can never remember exactly how those cursed things come off) and slipped the new blades into place.  After I got both blades on I got into the car and turned on the wipers.

Swish. Streak. Swish. Streak. With a steady, wet snowfall the new wiper blades left a worse streak than the old ones.  I went inside to get the clerk to show him the problem.  After bundling up he kindly accompanied me outside and now understood the problem.

"Let me get a pair of pliers."

You've got to be kidding.  You want to bend something, thinking that might fix it?  At least, that's what I thought.  I didn't say anything.  Jana and Arielle, meanwhile, stayed in the warm van without a complaint or comment.

Back into the store I went to look at the wiper blade assortment again.  Soon the clerk came back in also.  We tried a different style, then he started figuring out the paperwork to credit me for the difference as he now agreed that the most expensive blades in the store wouldn't do the trick.

"Would it be all right if I gave you the difference back in cash?"

You bet.  Especially after the original bill swelled to $140 with two full sets of chains.  (They say that with a front wheel drive vehicle you need to put the chains on the front AND the rear for safety.  To his credit my clerk had suggested that only one set on the front would be necessary, but I went ahead a bought two anyway.)

Back into the arctic I headed with the new blades, my clerk joining me.  We took the old new blades off and put the new new blades on, again losing feeling in my fingers.  I had found a stocking cap in the back of the van so at least the snow quit falling on my bald spot.

I moved back to the driver's side of the car and turned on the blades.  Swish. Swish. Swish. Swish.  Perfectly clean and clear.  Yay!

I thanked my patient clerk and got in the car to head for home.  The detour and the stop at the auto parts store kept us out for nearly an extra hour.  But I started to feel the knot in my stomach ease a bit, feeling that I was as prepared as possible for a snowy trip to Rexburg in the morning.

That whole time, while I paraded back and forth to the car, trying out wiper blades, Jana and Arielle sat patiently in the car.  As we drove home I thanked them both for their kindness in waiting so long when I knew they'd just like to get home where it was safe and warm and dry, and to keep packing.  Arielle did mention that Jana had found the "evil toy" in her coat pocket which kept her occupied playing solitaire.  Even so, it was a very loving thing, from both Jana and Arielle, to patiently wait while I tried to make sure we had everything that would make me feel secure for tomorrow's drive.

Epilog

As I type this post I here voices and foot steps running back and forth between Arielle's bedroom, the TV room and the living room.  "Arielle, did you pack your ...?"  "Mom, where's my ...?"  They must be getting close because I also hear the sound of the tape gun sealing boxes.

Another 40 minutes and it will be 2010: a new year and a new life, for Arielle and for Jana and I.  What an adventure!
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

A Spontaneous Rendezvous

I love spontaneous rendezvous's. They are like adding a little lemon pepper to a plate of otherwise delicious mixed vegetables, adding flavor and a little zing.

I was out running some errands this afternoon.  As I headed down our street toward our house I noticed that the clock in my car read "4:27".  My daughter is off work at 4:30.  So, without stopping at home I pulled a U-turn in front of our house and headed to my daughter's place of work to pick her up.

As she got in the car she asked where mom was.

"She's home.  I saw her van in the driveway but I didn't stop."

"Well, we were going to go to the bank in Albertsons to deposit my check then go shopping."

As we drove up the street with my daughter behind the wheel, we saw Jana's van pull to a stop on a side street, obviously headed to pick her up.  I rolled down my window and waved vigorously to make sure she saw us.  She did, then shrugged and held up her hands as if to say, "Hey, what's going on?"

"Mom needed to go to the bank at Albertsons as well so we'll just meet her there" offered my daughter.

We watched in the mirror to see if Jana would follow us.  She did.

We pulled into the Albertsons parking lot and got out of the car just as Jana pulled in nearby.  As I approached she was wearing her beautiful smile as I told her why I had picked our daughter up.  She then offered,

"Why don't we just swap cars and let our daughter come with me and you can go on home."

Great suggestion.  At first I thought she was just offering to relieve me so I could get back to work.  But then I thoought,

"Hey, I'll bet they want to buy me Christmas presents ... lots of Christmas presents."

So, with a knowing smile and  wink I said, "Sure.  Take your time."

I know it sounds silly, but I love meeting my wife in different places – unplanned, serendipitous places.  It's like a secret rendezvous.  I leaned into the window and gave her a kiss.  "I'll see you later.  Have fun."

A spontaneous rendezvous definitely qualifies as a loving thing.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Empty Nests and Newlywedded Wonders

Jana and I were married a little less than two years before our son was born.  We had a wonderful time getting to know each other, spoiling ourselves in spontaneity: like nudging each other at 11:00 at night and saying, "Let's go to Denny's and get some pie."

When our son arrived, yes, there were a lot of new things – new experiences, new routines, new responsibilities – but I don't really remember the immediate loss of spontaneity.  There were just so many newnesses going on that the spontaneity just seemed to fade ... not only in existence, but in importance as well.  Maybe it was just part of my expectation of what it meant to be a "father".  Or maybe it wasn't the spontaneity but my memory that has faded.

But to Jana it seemed to be more immediate and evident.  When Aaron was still a toddler I remember Jana saying, "I can hardly wait until our children are grown and we can be alone together again."

In retrospect it must have been this view, a longing for that too-brief Eden of innocence and wonder in our lives, that has compelled Jana to always be aware of the health of our relationship.  Over the years she has often commented, "We'd better remember how to have fun together because when the kids are gone I want to be able to like you."

I love having my children around, and specifically at home.  When Jana would say "I can hardly wait until they are grown," I would think, "Well, I can wait!  I don't want to rush it."

Our "baby" will be headed for college in three weeks.  It seems once our children leave, they never really come home again.  They may come for periods of time  – like between semesters or for a time after missions – but never really to stay.  And that's as it should be.  And that's what we've raised them to do.  And that's the proper sequence of their lives.  But that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Even so, in Jana's mantra, "I can hardly wait", if I listen beyond my own reluctance I hear the unmistakable message that she likes me; she seems to like being around me (most of the time).  Her constant pulse-taking in our relationship is to assure the health of our friendship.

Two evenings ago Jana was on the phone with her sister and brother-in-law.  In the course of their conversation Richard asked, "Are you ready for the 'empty nest'?  Do you think you'll be able to stand each other?'"

To which Jana replied, "Oh, we have no problem there."

Many of the loving things I have noted in my posts are the simple, common things that can so easily go unnoticed.  But this loving thing is a LOVING THING!  It is the result of 31 years of on-purpose nurturing of precious relations; of countless recoveries after meaningless divides; of numerous forgivenesses for thoughtless acts; of determined decisions for celestial bonds.

"We have no problem there" is really a declaration of an intermediate victory in our relationship.  It is an ensign of our shared desire to continue enjoying each others' company as our love, companionship and friendship deepens and compounds.  "We have no problem there" is truly a loving thing.

So, with measured anticipation, I look forward to the "empty nest", relying on Jana's enthusiasm to soothe me into relaxing my grip on the season I'm leaving behind.  And let the spontaneity of newlywedded wonder return, only now with an audience of heirs with which to share our adventures.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Simple, Uncomplicated Loving Traditions

Thanksgiving is behind us and we're officially in Christmas Mode in our house.  I keep all our Christmas decorations in two large Rubbermaid® storage boxes.  I got them down a week ago so we could get started celebrating Christmas.

Aaron, Melanie and Morgan were in town over the Thanksgiving weekend and stayed with us at night.  On Saturday I got the lights out and said, "Morgan, let's go outside."  So he helped me put the Christmas lights up, at least as much as a 3 year old can help.  We had a number of things going on that day so I felt pretty good getting that much of our Christmas started.  (And I felt very good having spent some fun time with my grandson.)

Wednesday night I had interviews at the church.  As I left Jana commented, "We're putting up the Christmas decorations tonight."

Jana and I are not really decorative people.  Our home is simple, functional and, for us, comfortable.  A couple years ago the wife of a friend of mine commented, just in passing, "You being an artist, I'll bet your home is decorated beautifully."  (Needless to say, I've never invited she and her husband over.)

Our simple style extends to our Christmas decorations as well.  We have many traditional decorations we've collected over the years, many homemade, that we love to put up.  They bring warm memories.  Like the canning jar lids with simple Christmas bell shapes punched out with a hammer and nail hung on a piece of red ribbon and made by Aaron when he was in kindergarten.  Or the nativity set my sister made for us out of clay one year when she couldn't afford to buy gifts.  (The clay she used wasn't fired, rather just left to dry and harden.  The characters, cute as they are, are very brittle.  We have hot-glued legs, arms and donkey ears many times over the years but still gingerly bring them out again each year as part of our Christmas decoration traditions.  My sister died three years ago and the meaning of her nativity set is even more dear now.)

Even so, our simple, family decorations are precious to us.

I haven't been home many evenings for the past couple weeks so Jana decided Wednesday evening would be a good night to set things up. When I got home at about 10:00 our house had magically turned into Christmas.  I looked around and saw the familiar decorations, each with their story, and it felt like home, like Christmas, like love.

I love the simple, uncomplicated joys that Jana finds in our life.  She is just the right match for me.  Her decorating Christmas with Arielle, and turning our home into a warm, loving, peaceful and happy place, not just during Christmas but every day, is a wonderous thing ... a loving thing.

So I'll glue the leg one more time back on the clay camel and stretch another holiday season out of my sister's precious nativity set.  And I'll be truly and simply happy.

P.S.  Can you find the 8 nativity sets on our mantle?

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

A Phone Call at Lunch

Jana and I have a slightly different living/working arrangement.  Jana works in a medical billing office a mile away.  I work at home.  I work in front of my computer all day and she works in front of hers.

At about 1:10 today, right after her lunch break, I received a phone call from Jana.

"Hello."

"Well, Hi."

"What are you doing?"

"Just sitting here staring at my computer."

"Well, I just wanted to call and say 'Hi'.  So, 'Hi'.  That's all."

That brief interchange was followed by some mushy remarks.  But, during the day, it feels nice to be thought of.  It doesn't take long at all.  It doesn't have to convey stories or events or requests or assignments or ... anything.  Just to know that the one you love is thinking about you is often enough.  It makes their homecoming an event to be anticipated.  And when Jana got home from work, after first doing some grocery shopping, you bet a smile teased at my face when I saw the familiar green van pull into the driveway.  And you bet I went out and helped bring in the groceries.  And you bet I gave her a hug once we set the bags down on the counter.

And it was enough.  A phone call.  A small thing.  A loving thing.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.