The Rules of the Game

I don't expect there are very many men reading this blog but I feel it my obligation tonight to share with any male readers the "rules of the game".  I"m almost sure no one has told you this – I just learned the rules myself after I had been married for 23 years – but it's best that you understand them now rather than later, rather than lulling yourself into a state of ignorant security.

The rules are simple, but not necessarily easy.  And there is a scoring system that is critical to understand.  For example, knowing that a touchdown scores your team 6 points, a safety scores 2, etc., makes the game of football far more understandable.  So let me explain.

Rule #1 
When you do something kind, sweet, unexpected (in a good way) or thoughtful for your wife you get one point.  That sounds simple enough.  However, it doesn't matter how big or small or even how much effort you put into the action.  Sincerity is the deciding factor.  If you wash the dishes without being asked: one point; if you volunteer to prepare dinner (and actually do it, not just volunteer): one point;  if you take her on a cruise to the Caribbean: one point!

Rule #2
You can only earn one point in a day.  No more.  As in the above example, wash the dishes once: one point; wash the dishes after each meal: one point; Caribbean cruise: one point!  That's it.  Once your point is earned that day, no more points no matter how many other nice things you do.

Rule #3
You can not "carry over" points from one day to the next.  Each day starts fresh and the point for that day (if you earn one) must be accomplished that day.

Rule #4
You can lose your point for the day (assuming you earned one) by doing something ignorant, rude, forgotten, thoughtless or just plain stooopid.

Rule #5
There is no limit to the number of points you can lose in a day!  You can earn one, but then, through thoughtlessness, forgetfulness or unkindness, can lose 5 or even more, putting you in a negative standing for the day.  Points accumulate over your lifetime.

Rule #6
Your wife is the sole judge of the points earned.  Any decision rendered by the judge is binding, nonnegotiable and can not be appealed.

Any questions?

Now, I had to explain the rules of the game in order for you to appreciate Jana's loving thing to me.

Monday, January 18th, was Martin Luther King day.  I already shared what Jana and I did on that day since she had the day off work.

Our garbage day is on Wednesday.  Whenever there is a holiday on Monday this pushes our garbage day back to Thursday.  I have mentioned that occasionally I have been known to miss garbage day so our garbage stacks up for two weeks.  Such was the case the week before, and our cans were stuffed full.  Well, last week, on Wednesday morning I thought, "Monday was a holiday.  I wonder if the garbage man will come by today or tomorrow."  To cover my bases I went ahead and took my garbage cans to the curb, "just in case".

About two that afternoon I looked up from my computer when I heard a commotion outside and saw the garbage truck pull up to the curb.  I chortled in my joy:  "I win!"

As if that weren't enough, I then went outside and brought the empty cans back to the garage.  I then promptly forgot all about it as I went back to work.

After work, lately, Jana has been stopping off at the Rec Center on her way home as it's just next door to the hospital where she works.  When she got home shortly after 5:00 she went through her afterwork routine then came into the office.  "Did you take the garbage out today?"

Wait, wait! I know the answer to this!

"Yes." (Calmly)

"You did?  I'm so happy!  For that you get three points!"

Remember Rule #6?  I'm not about to argue the score!  Breaking the rules of the game just for you is definitely a loving thing!
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU. 
 

The Power of Her Touch

Since the week between Christmas and New Year's I've been experiencing intense pain between my shoulder blade and spine.  Finally, after three weeks of constant discomfort, I went to see a chiropractor to see if there may be a pinched nerve.

The appointment was very informational and the massage therapist's work felt wonderful but the pain persisted.

This week the pain became distracting enough, or I just felt tired enough, to call my family physician.  He checked me out and did a series of x-rays and found no evidence of any spinal problems.  He, like the chiropractor, determined it was muscular in nature and suggested I go to a physical therapist for a couple weeks and see how it does.

When I went to bed last night, fairly late, Jana had been in bed for awhile and I assumed she was asleep.  When I crawled into the cozy flannel sheets I asked if she was awake and she said yes.  We just prattled for awhile but, as we did so, I kept changing positions to try to get comfortable.  I ended up with my back to her.  As she prattled she simply reached over and touched my shoulder.

"Is this where it hurts?"

She then just started to massage my shoulder.

Even with the attention of the chiropractor, followed by my physician, and with the addition of anti-inflammatory medications my pain persists.  But with the tenderness of Jana's simple though untrained touch the discomfort melted away.  Though practiced in the physiology, anatomy and pathology of the human body, the thing the trained professionals can't duplicate is the healing touch of a loving spouse, a touch that not only warms the aches and pains, but the heart as well.  I drifted off to sleep with the comfort of the loving thing that only Jana can give.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU. 

Connection Points

When Jana comes home from work she has a routine.  She grabs the mail out of the mailbox and brings it in with her; she sets her bag down and takes off her coat; she makes a pit stop; then she comes into the office where I work and plops down on the white leather couch that sits in front of my desk.  We then take a few minutes and just visit, generally about the day or how many accounts she processed or an interesting story or whatever comes to mind.  It doesn't really mater what.  It's a few minutes of decompression for her and connection for both of us. 

She will then sometimes go in and take a little nap before dinner.

Tonight, at about 5:30 (I generally work right up until dinner at 6:00), I heard Jana's voice float in from the bedroom,

"When did you eat lunch?"

"At about 2:30.  Oh, I know what that question means."

That question means "I'm just too comfortable here so do I really need to wrestle up some dinner?"  I was trying to finish up a project and get it emailed to a client before I finished my day.  I replied,

"Sweetheart, simple is just fine."

This past year I've changed my eating habits so that meals can be very simple.  Jana precooks the meats on Saturday so during the day I can just pull something out of the refrigerator and heat it up with a salad and veggies for lunch.  In a pinch this also makes preparing our evening meal just as simple.

I noticed a stirring in the bedroom but was focused on finishing my project.  Shortly Jana came walking into the office from the direction of the kitchen.  "Dinner's ready."  I took a few extra minutes to finish sending the project off through cyberspace and met her at the table.

Even though we don't have the kids' days to review any more Jana and I still always seem to have plenty of things to talk about at the dinner table.

After dinner I cleared the table and filled the sink (we still do dishes the old fashioned way) then headed for the bedroom to change clothes for my evening meetings.  When I came out Jana was just finishing up the dishes.  As I collected the notes and things I needed to take with me to my appointments Jana asked, "Would you like a hug?  And how about a kiss to go with it?"

"I'll never turn down a hug AND a kiss!"

It wasn't a "7 second, steamy glasses" kiss but it was just right.  And with that I was ready to slay dragons.

I'm so grateful for those little connection points each day.  They really don't take much time: ten minutes to decompress and reconnect, conversation over dinner, and a hug and a kiss before slaying dragons.  But they are the loving things: the things that make a relationship.  They are the things that remind us that life and love were meant to last beyond the sunsets.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Twofers are Twice as Good

Chanel, the older of my two daughters, lives about 20 miles away from us.  She lives in a cute little one bedroom apartment that is cozy and decorated to match her sense of creativity and flair.  Periodically she will invite Jana over for a slumber party and they'll stay up late and gab and watch movies and sleep in late and have a wonderful time.  They both really look forward to these mother-daughter slumber parties.

But recently she invited me to come over for a daddy-daughter slumber party.

Chanel is a wonderful hostess and always has fun things planned and great ideas to make any occasion a special occasion.

As I was getting ready to leave the house for my overnight adventure with Chanel, Jana said, "Oh, you're going to have such a good time.  I'm glad you can go and spend the night and have fun with Chanel."  No hint of jealousy.  No guilt trips for leaving her home alone while we were going to play.  Just an "I love you" and "you're going to have such a good time."  Now that's a selfless thing.  That's truly a giving thing.  That's a loving thing.  

And, yes, Chanel and I did stay up late and watch movies and play all day the next day.  And that was a loving thing given to me by my daughter.  WOW!  Two loving things wrapped up in the same adventure.  I love twofers.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

We May As Well Hold Hands

Today was Martin Luther King's holiday and Jana had the day off.  We decided to play so we arranged to meet Jana's sister in town to see the movie "The Blind Side".

Before leaving town Jana needed to drop something off at a friend's home.  When we got there I decided to go with Jana to the door just to say "Hi" before rushing off.  I left the engine running since we were going to be just a moment.

When we got back to the van I walked Jana to the passenger door and noticed it was locked, so I went over to my side to unlock it.  But my door was locked too.  We were locked out of our van with the engine running.

Jana thought she could ask her friend to give her a ride home, but then we realized that the house would be locked as well and the key was still in the ignition of the running van.  I called our neighbor and asked her if she had a key to our home and she didn't.

"Well, I guess I'd better call the lock shop."

A good friend of mine owns the lock shop and another friend is the office manager there so they teased me a bit when I called for their "professional services".  The manager said, "I've got one of the guys right here and I'll send him right over."

Great.  But by now we were running late on meeting Jana's sister at the theater.  I called her and told her our predicament.  She was already on her way to the theater to meet us but turned to go home until we called her back.

The lock shop wasn't very far away so I saw the familiar blue AAA-1 Lock and Key van turn the corner.  My friend, the owner, got out with a big smile on his face.  "What are you doing here?"  After joking with me for a moment he went around to the side door of his van and pulled out a bent wire with a hook on the end, came over to the passenger side of my van, reached the wire down into the door and, Pop!, the door was unlocked.

I followed him back to his van and said, "What do I owe you?"

"Don't worry about it.  It's free today.  Have fun."  And then he left.

I went to the door of the home and told Jana, "We're ready to go."

"So soon?"

As we headed down the road I called Jana's sister back and told her we were on our way.  She turned around and headed back to the theater.  I apologized to Jana for goofing things up and causing the delay.  She never complained or even criticized me – or even made fun of me for that matter.  I'm not sure I would have had such restraint.

As we got out of our van to walk to the theater doors, Jana turned to me and said, "As long as we have these physical bodies we may as well hold hands."  She then reached over and took my hand.

We met Jana's sister in the theater and sat down in our seats just as the previews started.

Our time in these physical bodies is limited.  We'll have all kinds of little trials, inconveniences and learning experiences while we're here.  After all, we came here to earth to learn and these bodies are part of the lab equipment.  So I suppose the loving thing would be that, as long as we have these physical bodies, we may as well hold hands.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Football vs. a Trip to Michael's

Jana has never been a sports enthusiast.  That is, until they invented Steve Young.  As a former BYU alum Jana became interested in him while he played for the San Francisco 49ers.  She then (as is her pattern) decided she wanted to learn more about the game of American football so she went to the library.

At the library she found a book titled "The Dark Side of the Game" by Tim Green and learned a lot of interesting facts about the inner workings of the game -- not the strategies, but the business, marketing and publicity sides.  This increased her interest and for Steve Young's last two years before retiring Jana didn't miss a televised game.  This is in spite of the fact that we didn't have a TV during those years so she arranged to watch the game at friends homes.

Once Steve retired Jana's interest lagged a bit but became reinstilled with college ball, particularly watching the Boise State Broncos over the past few years.

We'll, with the completion of the bowl games a week ago, college football is basically over for the season so tonight I found her in watching the Baltimore Ravens vs. the Indianapolis Colts.  At a break in the game she came into the office where I was and asked if I could go with her to Walmart.  She had been shopping there this afternoon and mistakenly bought some mousse instead of hairspray and wanted to go back to exchange it.

"I'd be happy to go because I need to run over to Michael's (a hobby store) and pick up a matte for a picture."

So out we went.  After leaving Walmart we had to drive by our house to go to Michael's.  As we approached the house I asked Jana if she wanted me to drop her off so she could get back to her game.  She thought for a moment then replied,

"No, I'll go with you to Michael's."

We didn't really talk about anything of significance during our drive across town but it was nice that Jana wanted to be with me for a few minutes.  It's  a loving thing to want to be with someone you love just to be with them; a trip to the grocery store or hobby store, it doesn't matter.  The thing is the time.  And it just so happens that Jana's love language is "quality time".  And Michael's qualifies.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Six Pack Snack Pack

Lately, in the evening if I get the "carb cravings" I like to have some sugar-free Jello.  Jana has been buying it in the little six pack snack pack (say that 5 times real fast).  When I was in the grocery store recently I looked at them, in the refrigerator section, and noted that they cost about $2.89 for six.  I was curious so I went over to where they sell the powdered Jello  mix and noticed that a little box of sugar-free mix costs about .88¢ and makes 8 cups.

Brilliant lightbulb goes off!

So, I bought the box and, as I've finished a little cup of Jello or yogurt, I've been washing it and saving it so I can make my own little snack sized cups.

Last night Jana just mentioned she had made some Jello and put it in my collected cups (three so far) and the remainder in a larger bowl.  That was very sweet of her to do that little service for me.  I'm sitting here at 10:00 pm, eating a sugar-free Jello snack  set in a yogurt cup.  It's yummy and staves off the munchies.  Thank you, Jana.  To me, that's a loving thing.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

It Takes Two To Be A Bishop

Tonight was Family Home Evening with our singles.  It was movie night down at the church. I was running late as I had an emergency with a client that I had to get done before I could leave home.  That made me late for an appointment with a young woman.

I decided to take advantage of the chance of going to Family Home Evening with Jana.  I generally go alone early because I have people to meet.  But tonight I wanted to go with Jana and sit and eat popcorn and laugh and make fun of the movie, whatever it was.

My appointment ran long as that's what was needed.  We finished at about 8:30 and I thought,"Good. Now I can go join Jana and the rest of the kids."  I put on my coat.  But as I walked out the door my Relief Society president was in the clerk's office with another young woman.

"Bishop, do you have a minute?"

I walked into the clerk's office and chatted with her and the young woman and then she said, "Well, I'll see you later, Harriet (not her real name, although I did have a Harriet give me some massage therapy at my chiropractor's office this morning, but that's another story)."  Then as she disappeared around the door she mouthed to me, "Thank you."

I invited the young woman in and took off my coat.

This is a farily common occurrence on Monday evening at the church.  And for this young woman there was a real and immediate need.  I tell my ward members not to worry when they unload their burdens in my office.  "Dump everything right here.  We'll sort through it together.  And don't worry about the mess: the angels clean my office every night and throw away all the junk so you don't have to carry it around with you."

At about 9:30 I heard a knock at the door.  I answered it, knowing it would be Jana.  Sure enough.

"Is the movie over?" I asked.

"Yes, and I'm the last one here."

"Give me just a few minutes."

and I closed the door.  My visitor wasn't quite finished yet so I helped her come to an action step – something to work on.  Then, as I stood up to walk her to the door, I was prompted to ask, "Would you like a blessing?"

"Oh, yes. I really would."

So I slowed down and took a moment, hoping Jana would be all right waiting a moment longer.  It took a moment to connect but then the thoughts and inspiration came.  After the "Amen" I walked her to the door and said good night, then returned to put my coat on again.  I found Jana in the foyer talking to a young man in our congregation.  He's a wonderful young man, one I really admire and love being around.  They were just talking.  I noticed a light on down the hall and excused myself to go and make a quick sweep of the building to make sure it was locked up and lights were out.

I then returned and we all headed out.

Jana didn't express any impatience or question what took so long.  She just told me about her conversation with the young man.  Jana is so good talking with people one-on-one and getting them to share themselves.  Certainly her patience, in spite of her abandonment issues, was a loving thing for me.  But she was also expressing a loving thing in visiting with the young man who just needed a moment to open up and share some questions he has and some decisions he's trying to make.  

I've come to realize it takes two to be a bishop.  This calling is her's as well as mine.  It's a team effort.  Through it we'll both learn and grow. I think that's the point. 

I thought about the needs of those I visited with tonight, as well as those of quite a few others, as we pulled into the driveway. I turned off the key.

"Thank you so much for a calm and secure home."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, the steady place we are in our relationship at the moment.  I really need that certainty when I walk in our door so I have the solid footing I need to lift others."

 And that's what Jana does.  She provides a calm, happy, secure home that allows us both to grow; a place where we and those who enter here can find respite from the rain.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

The "7 Second, Steamy Glasses" Kiss

Friday night is supposed to be date night.  But all too often, I confess, that when Friday night comes along all I want to do is turn off the brain and it ends up, "Do you want to watch a video?"  So this week I decided that isn't good enough, Jana deserves better.  So on Thursday I sent Jana an email at work,

Would you please check your schedule and see if you're free to go out with me tomorrow night?  I'll pick you up a about 5:30.

RSVP
LOVE, Kevin

To which I received her reply,

I am so free    :)

When she got home I reminded her a couple of times about being ready at 5:30.  "I've taken care of everything, including a babysitter for the kids."  (We had delivered our youngest to college last weekend.)

Then, to add to the anticipation, I reminded her to be ready at 5:30 when she left for work Friday morning.  I emailed her a couple hours later,

I have a love for you.  Be ready at 5:30.

When she got home I was engrossed in finishing up some projects and pushing to get finished by 5:30.  At 5:34 I turned off the computer and went into the bedroom where Jana was reading and said, "Are you ready to go?"

We headed out the door to a simple restaurant nearby and had dinner.  Some friends were also at the restaurant and were sitting just a table away.  When we arrived we chatted with them for a few minutes, but other than that I intentionally ignored them so Jana and I could just talk.  (My normal behavior would have been to continue an ongoing conversation with them through the meal.)  We just talked about our day and whatever else came to mind.  We were finished eating at 6:30 and just sat chatting. 

When we finally left we leisurely drove to our sister-in-law's home where I had arranged for us to spend the evening visiting.  Our brother-in-law passed away just before Christmas and it was good to visit with her and see her in excellent spirits.  We had a wonderful time.   It was also fun visiting with our nephew from out of town who has stayed with her since the funeral.  He has been so kind and caring.  As we left I told Loretta,

"Thank you for being our date tonight."

"I was your date?  Well, thank you for having your date with me.  You can come over for a date anytime."

It was particularly cold tonight and as we pulled into the driveway we scuttled into the house to get warm.  After we got into our empty house I gave Jana a kiss.  You know, the excuse for a kiss we always seem to give: a quick peck.  But I thought, that's not right.  I've been listening to a tape series I won at our annual Ison family Christmas party white elephant exchange called "Light Her Fire".  It was recorded back in the 90s and I'm sure it was picked up for the party at a thrift store, but I've been enjoying it.  One of the stories shared in the series told of a couple who had come to a marriage counselor seeking a divorce.  The dialogue went something like this,

Wife:  When he comes home from work he never kisses me.

Husband:  She's off her nut.  I kiss her every night when I come home.

Wife:  You call that a kiss?  It's a peck.  You may as well be kissing a rock.

Therapist, to the wife:  What would you consider a real kiss.

Wife:  Well, I don't know.  I know it when I feel it.

Therapist:  No, that's not good enough.  With men you need to be specific.  Exactly how long of a kiss do you want?

Wife:  I don't know . . . maybe . . . 7 seconds.

Therapist, to the husband:  OK.  You have your assignment.  This week, every evening, when you come home from work, I want you to give your wife a 7 second kiss.  Do you think you can do that?

The next week, when the couple came for their visit they were asked how their week went.  The husband replied "Fantastic!", then told their story.

Jana and I had listened to the tapes on our way home from dropping off our daughter at school last Monday, so I suggested to Jana, "No, I want a 7 second kiss."  She willingly obliged.

Afterward she asked,

"How long was that?"

"9 seconds."

"Well, it steamed up my glasses."

I looked at her and, sure enough, I couldn't even see her eyes through the foggy lenses.  You know, I highly advocate the "7 second, steamy glasses kiss" as a truly loving thing.  I can't think of a better way to finish up a date, or for whenever you get back together after being apart for any length of time for that matter. 
 

Notation:  This post will probably embarrass our children, but that's their problem.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Too Few Evenings

In our church the men who hold the priesthood (which is most of the active men) are given the responsibility of visiting 3 to 5 members each month just to see how they are doing, to provide help if needed and to share an uplifting message.  We call this one-on-one service "Home Teaching".

Even though I'm currently serving as bishop of an active congregation or "Ward" I'm not exempt from this caring service.  But it seems I have a difficult time getting my home teaching done each month as I have so few evenings available.  Last month I had one evening available so I called my companion the day before and left a message on his voice mail to arrange to go together.  I then called each of the five individuals I'm responsible for to try to schedule a few minutes to visit each one, not knowing if I was going to have a companion or not.

I was able to schedule visits with three of them, but first I had an interview at 7:00 with a young lady at the church.  Two of the members I was going to visit were single young women.  We have a policy not to visit a single woman without a companion and, when the evening came, my companion was unavailable.  At the last minute I asked Jana if she would mind coming with me.  She and our daughter Arielle had some running around they needed to do but she said she'd try to meet me at the church at 7:30 after my appointment.

At 7:35 there was a quiet but melodic knock on my door.  I excused myself briefly and answered it and there stood my sweetheart.  I told her I'd be out shortly.  My interviewee was talkative, which is good, but I didn't get out until about 7:50.

Jana then followed me in her car to my first young woman's home and, like she always does, fully engaged her with questions and empathetic listening.  She then followed me to my second appointment at a young man's home.  Jana suggested I could visit him alone (his father was also home) and asked that I pick her up at home on my way to my third appointment at another young woman's home, which I did.  We again had a wonderful visit with this young woman.

Jana's help that night was truly a sacrifice on her part and, frankly, disrupted her evening because she had other things planned.  I was so grateful for her help.  She is always such a good listener to the members of our congregation.  She has a gift of getting them talking about themselves which makes them feel heard and valued.  What an extremely loving thing Jana did for me and for those we visited.  She's not only a blessing to me, but to our entire ward, one-on-one.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Mulberry Street

A whirlwind of a weekend on the heels of the holidays has concluded with our depositing our youngest daughter safely at college.  Today concluded her second day of classes and based on her emails and a quick phone conversation she is enjoying her new life, her new friends, her apartment and even her professors.

As I've watched her grow over the past couple years I have seen an intelligent, funny, caring, aware, talented woman begin to take her place in the world.  I expect to see the rapid rate at which she continues to grow and develop to increase exponentially over this next semester.  Her confidence is already beginning to assert itself in her ability to confront and handle change and new circumstances.

This leaves Jana and I, tonight, concluding our second full day of empty-nestedness.  The house is quiet, even with Jana having taken off two extra days "just to settle".  She is a purposeful woman.  She attacks the day with a steady pace that moves her from one task to the next predetermined task without a moment of lost energy.

Arielle's bedroom is now spotless and dejunked, the "kids' bathroom" is scoured and Jana is ready to a pursue our next stage in life.

Jana is one of the most honestly cheerful people I know.  When she comes home from work it's like the whole house lights up.  She doesn't come home carrying the burdens of a "hard day at work".  She virtually bounces in the house, hangs up her keys in the kitchen, makes a pit stop then often comes in and bounces onto the couch that sits in my office directly in front of my desk.

"How was your day, sweetheart?" I ask.

"Oh, just fine.  I just plowed through my stack of patient accounts. And, oh, I have to tell you a story ..."

whereupon she relates an entertaining slice of life she had seen or overheard during the day.  When she comes home it's almost like rereading "To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street" by Dr. Suess.

Jana makes our home a bright, happy place; she is totally content with her life as she goes about making each day an adventure of simple pleasures and found joys.  The way she lives her life is, to me, a loving thing as she somehow decided long ago that life was meant to be enjoyed and adventure can be found in the dirt trap of a vacuum cleaner, on the faces of those she loves and in the 3/4 of a mile distance between home and where she works.

My daughter is starting a new and exciting life as she grasps the adventures of college.  It's beginning to settle in that I likewise get to start a new and exciting life as I grasp the adventures that await Jana and I in the simple things, the loving things, of our life.

Does anyone know of any upcoming adult education couples' classes on "Cooking for Two, Again"?
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Clearing a Path

New Years' Day.  It was time to take Arielle, my youngest, to Rexburg for her first semester of college.  I had told Jana I wanted to leave town at 10:00 so we would have enough time to get to Rexburg, allowing for poor roads and winter weather.  We finally pulled out of the driveway at 10:45.  I received the now commonplace chiding by my family about leaving later than intended.

While having our family prayer before leaving I had asked the Lord to bless us in our journey.  I told the Lord I had done all I could to prepare the vehicle for the journey in the face of a winter storm.  However, as I spoke these words I felt convicted, "Kevin, no you haven't done all you could.  You had been prompted to rotate the tires on your van and you didn't do it."  My prayer felt hollow.

As we pulled out of the driveway I was advised by Arielle, "Dad, don't stop.  Keep going."  To appreciate that comment, you must know that more than once, as we have left for a vacation or a much anticipated journey, I have had a list of stops to make before even making it to the freeway.

"I just want to stop at the gas station and check the tire pressure on the car."

So, three blocks from home, I pulled into Larry's Chevron to check the tire pressure on the car.  The tire pressure on each of the tires was low so the kind adolescent attendant brought the tire pressure up to safe levels.  I casually asked if he could rotate my tires.  He said they could the next day.  Then Paul Marler, the station owner, poked his head out of the office and asked what I needed.  I told him.  He suggested I might try Walmart's auto service.

The prompting to take care of this issue was strong enough, that, even facing the ridicule of my family, I turned left toward Walmart instead of right to the freeway.

As I walked into the the auto department at Walmart my family stayed in the van.  The kind employee told me there was only one car in the bay and they would be happy to serve me as soon as it was done.  I returned to the van and told Jana and my two daughters and suggested they come inside to wait.

"How long will it take?"

"Oh, it should only take about 20 minutes."

The previous car took not a few minutes but about 45 minutes.  Finally, the service technician headed for  our van.  He came back a few minutes later, walking, not driving my van to the bay.

"Your tread on the front tires measures only .25 centimeters, below the legal limit for tire tread.  By law we can't rotate them for you because that might make us liable if there were any problems."

"Well, what are my options?"

"The only option we have is to sell you a new set of tires."

I had already considered the question as I had waited and had already decided that I was willing to purchase a new set of tires in the event that the old tires were too worn.

"What tires would you recommend?"

The girls had been wandering around the store, but now rejoined Jana, quietly waiting in the little waiting room.

"Honey, we need to replace the tires."

"How long with that take?"

"About another half hour."

"The girls and I will head over to the McDonalds (inside Walmart) for lunch," Jana replied.  I could tell she was holding on to her patience.

I declined to join them, feeling I couldn't handle the scorn of my family.  I went out to the work area and watched the attendant work on the car.  He worked hard – did an excellent job.  Not 30 but 40 minutes later he was just finishing so I headed across the store to fetch my family.  They were just finishing their lunch so we all headed back to the auto department.

The van was ready.  I paid the bill and we left.

I didn't say anything.  I now felt justified in my prayer to the Lord when I had said, "I have done everything I can to make sure the van is in safe operating condition.  Please bless us as we take Arielle to college."  In the integrity of my heart I could feel peace.

But I felt convicted by my family; I should have taken care of the tires a day earlier, but hadn't.  The girls started chatting again and their native laughing and teasing resumed.  After merging onto the freeway and finally starting our journey, Jana quietly turned and said, "Thank you for taking care of the van and making sure it's safe."

Realizing our history, my patterns and weaknesses, and perhaps recognizing some of the concern I felt in trying to make sure we traveled safely, Jana's comment was the most loving thing I could have heard.  I am so grateful for her kindness, her love and her perspective.

We arrived at our motel in St. Anthony at 6:15.  I had called our motel a few hours earlier, asking about the weather.  "It's been snowing all day and the roads are a mess."  But, by the time we had arrived we had not seen a flake fall.  After arriving at our motel and making a quick trip to the grocery store, it started snowing again, adding another couple inches to the already sloppy parking lot.  As we had traveled across the state, the snow plows had cleared the path before us and we had a safe journey.

Had we left the hour and a half earlier, we would have driven in the eastern Idaho snowfall.  It was as if the Lord had cleared the path before us.  Even so, had we not been so blessed we were still prepared, with new tires, snow chains and new wiper blades – and with the protection of obedience to a prompting to keep my word and the gratitude of a wife who was able forgive my weaknesses and show her love with an expression of that gratitude.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.