After the 'Thank You'

Last night was a late night.  I stayed up until after 2:00 trying to finish a project I've been working on for a couple weeks that I just needed to get out.  After having been up until 2:30 the night before I was a worn out when I dragged myself to bed.

This morning I never heard Jana get up, shower or get ready for work.  We always have breakfast together but this morning I slept right through it.

When I finally awoke she was already gone to work.  I got up, said, "Forget the Rec Center", showered, had breakfast and went to work.  My first item of business?  Send Jana an email:

Sorry I missed you this morning.  But I did get the booklet finished at 2 this morning.  Anyway,  I love you.  Can I join you for lunch?  Kevin

Her reply?

Yes, I would love that.

When my alarm went off (I have to set a computer alarm to catch my attention when I have an appointment, otherwise I get busy and time just ceases to exist) I fixed my lunch and headed for the hospital where Jana works.

I walked in her door just as she was walking out.  We headed for the hospital cafeteria.  We just chatted about what we had each been doing this morning and why a check in the checkbook had been added to the checking balance rather than being subtracted (creating a $400 unexpected shortage) and confirming that it had been fixed.

All too soon the half hour was over and it was time to walk back to the outside building where Jana's office is.  As I walked her to the door she said,

Thank you for coming for lunch.  It really means a lot.

With that loving comment I was transported back 33 years to the conclusion of our first date.  I was a green returned missionary, still very uncomfortable with dating.  Jana was a recent college graduate in her first career job.  I felt so young by comparison and figured she was so worldly wise.

I was especially concerned about walking her to her apartment door after our date, figuring she was so experienced in the ways of romantic protocol.  Do I kiss her (on the first date)?  Do I just say "Thank you for a wonderful evening?"  Do I shake her hand (with which I was the most comfortable after two years as a missionary, keeping young women at arms length)?

Additionally, was there the prospect of a second date?  I liked her and definitely wanted another date.  But how would I know if she did?  Like many men, my confidence when it came to relationships, was a bit fragile.  It had taken four explicit encouragements from friends the night before to finally get me to risk actually calling her and asking her out, even though I had been looking for signs that she might be interested for nearly two months.

Jana eased the tension and reinforced my confidence.

Thank you for a wonderful evening.  Will you ask me out again?

There are those that might scoff at this whole dilemma and my need for reassurance.  But Jana's inspired "Will you ask me out again?" answered all my unasked questions.  It was the question that would determine our combined future.

As I left her at the office door this afternoon, it was, once again, the underscoring assertion after the "thank you" – the added "it really means a lot" – that gave meaning to the message.  The truly loving thing when expressing gratitude just may be the underscoring assertion after the "thank you", for that is the thing that will be remembered and that just may make all the difference.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Smells Like Bruschetta

Each Monday evening we have a get together called Family Home Evening with the members of our church congregation or ward.  We usually have about 30+ young single adults there.  On the fourth Monday we have a dinner.  Each month the group in charge of the dinner picks a theme and with the creativity and energy of the young adults of our ward you can be assured that no two potluck dishes will be the same.

This month the theme was "Euro-dishes": some dish inspired by European cuisine.  Jana really got into it this week and did some online searching for inspiration.  Her criteria: simple, as in able to be whipped together in 30 minutes or less because she gets home from work at about 5:30 and the dinner was to start at 6:30.

She found a recipe for Bruschetta.  On the way home from the Rec Center after work she stopped at Walmart and picked up some prebaked french bread and other ingredients: two flavors of cream cheese, deli sliced roast beef, fresh Roma tomatoes and fresh green onion.

She painted each side of the sliced (yes, to save time she even found presliced french bread) bread with olive oil and baked them.  When toasted she pulled them out of the oven and let them cool for a few minutes so they wouldn't melt the cream cheese.  She then employed me to help dress the bruschetta.

It was quite fun and the finished result looked every bit as appetizing as the full colored pictures online.

For my part I cooked some bacon, sauteed some diced onions then added whole green beans and stir-fried them, adding peanuts and a "savory blend of spices".  We then headed for dinner.

The loving thing was just the fun of creating something together and laughing and joking while exercising our culinary inspirations.  Jana likes to say she doesn't enjoy cooking but it's fun watching her, in her most pragmatic way, create something fun and different than the normal fare.  

One of the things that originally drew me to Jana was that, when we first met and worked together on that play so many years ago, I could see that we really worked well together when confronting a common project – in that case, the play.  It is still true.  We do work well together and it's fun doing simple, out of the routine things that allow us to add a dash of creativity and a dollop of fun to the recipe.

I think loving things smell surprisingly like Italian bruschetta.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Toe Tap

What a great week last week was.  Arielle, our college daughter, had completed her first semester of college and was home for a week.  Well, four days anyway.  She actually stayed the first 5 days with her sister in her apartment.  They had a great time together.

This past Monday I loaded up Arielle's freshly cleaned laundry, a case of plastic water bottles refilled with "home water" (she doesn't like the tap water in Rexburg) and a couple boxes of groceries.  We also packed up a young woman who has been in our ward for the past 4 months between semesters. We then headed back for the Spring semester in Rexburg.  She had just one week between semesters.

We got to Boise, about a half hour from home, when Arielle realized she had forgotten the storage tub of flour she was going to take with her.  She learned how to bake bread last Fall and while at school bakes bread every other week.  She does this on Sunday and the first loaf, hot out of the oven, is dedicated to the roommates and they have fresh, hot bread for dinner.  The other two loaves last her two weeks, until it's time to bake bread again.  She has really become quite the good bread cook.

I turned around and headed back home and we picked up the flour.

We originally left at 10:00 am, and left the second time at 11:10, arriving in Rexburg at 4:00.  We unloaded.  I worked on Arielle's computer printer, which hasn't worked all semester, and got it working again.  We then made a grocery run, with one of Arielle's wonderful roommates, Hailee, where Arielle spent $8.00.  After getting the groceries home I left for home, pulling out of the apartment at 6:00 pm.

I called Jana to let her know I was on my way home.  She told me to drive safely and she'd see me in the morning, as she'd be asleep when I got home.

After a couple short stops I pulled in to our driveway at 12:10 am.

I tried to be quiet as I tiptoed through the house, putting things away.

When I got to the bedroom I quietly walked up to the dresser, which is on Jana's side of the bed, and started unloading my pockets.  I felt a soft tap on the back of my left leg and turned to see Jana's foot sticking out from the blankets, tapping me a soft welcome home.


Loving things aren't usually great big things.  They're the little expressions, the quiet connections that speak volumes more than books about love and in a language more eloquent than lyric.  They're the sleepy toe taps that tip 'I love you.  I'm glad you're home.  Good night."

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Just Because

I have mentioned before that in our church we try to take care of each other.  We do this by having assigned to us 3 - 6 individuals or families to visit each month just to see how they're doing.  We will have a companion assigned to us so we don't go alone.

This past month I was unable to connect with my companion and couldn't get another to substitute for him so I asked Jana if she would mind going with me to see a couple young women I visit.  I gave her a little more notice this time and she willingly came with me.

Jana is a joy to visit people with.  She always makes them feel special and important simply by how she gives them her full attention, asks questions and listens intently to their responses.  One of our visits was to a wonderful and talented young woman.  In the course of the conversation Jana asked her if she had seen a particular movie.  The young woman replied, no, she hadn't.  Jana immediately said,

"Well, you'd love it.  In fact, what are you doing Friday night?"

"I don't have any plans right now."

"Then why don't you just come over and we'll pop some popcorn and watch it.  Kevin, you can join us if you want."

Jana not only shared a loving thing by her willingness to help me in my visits, but also extended her love to a young woman "just because":  just because she enjoys getting to know people one-on-one; just because she remembers what it's like to be single and alone; just because she's genuinely interested in people.

Sounds like a great date night to me.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Teal Subarus

Thursday was my daughter, Chanel's, birthday.  Jana and I had made arrangements to meet her at a restaurant in Boise where we had her birthday dinner.

After dinner we headed to Chanel's apartment on the other side of town.  As we headed toward the freeway Chanel got ahead of us.  Jana and I were chatting as we drove along.  Suddenly, Jana said, "Hey, Chanel is turning left ahead.  You'd better follow her."

"That doesn't make sense.  The freeway is the fastest way to get to her place."

"Well, she obviously knows the best way to get home so you'd better follow her."

I dutifully followed Jana's instructions and I pulled into the left turn lane behind Chanel.  I couldn't figure out why Chanel would turn away from the freeway.  As I sat there looking it seemed to me it really didn't look like Chanel in front of me.  The car color was teal, like Chanel's.  The driver was wearing sunglasses, like Chanel.  Her hair was cut, combed and colored, like Chanel's.  But the car was a teal Subaru and not a teal Prism, like Chanel's.

By now, cars were lined up next to me so I couldn't change lanes.  I waited out the light, turned the corner and found a place to turn around.  Eventually, we made it to the freeway.  By the time we made it to Chanel's apartment, she wondered what took us so long.

Over our years together I have come to trust Jana's judgment – the loving thing she brings to our partnership.  She is a wise woman.  I trust her instincts.  I trust her ability to see through the superficials of life and zero in on the essentials.  For that reason I have made it a habit to act when she suggests action.  Only then do I think and reason and consider the suggestion.  Every once in a while her suggestion lines us up in the left turn lane behind a teal Subaru.  But her judgment is correct so frequently that I have learned the wisest route is to follow her counsel and risk the occasional Subaru.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.