Tire Chains, Wiper Blades and a New Year

I received double value on my loving things this evening.  It being New Years Eve (man, what happened to that year?) we are finalizing Arielle's preparations for college.  We leave tomorrow for Rexburg.  We had some minor, last minute shopping chores to accomplish and so were out and about as the snow was falling, making the roads around town more and more trecherous.

As we slid and skidded along I became more aware of the need to make sure the van is winter-ready.  I have basically good tires but the two front tires are a little more worn that the rear tires.  Also, as the snow fell, I noted my windshield wipers were leaving large streaks across the driver's side of the windshield.  The hour was getting later (after 5:00) and the roads were getting slicker and the news supporting the idea that it could be snowing all the way to Rexburg was leaving me more and more concerned about providing safe passage across the state.

Finally, after our last stop I made a right turn rather than heading straight for home.  Jana, just as tense as I, asked where we were heading.

"Please just trust me."

I just concentrated on driving, with a heading for Big O Tires.  When we got there they were closed already.  It was now 10 minutes before 6:00 and I was concerned about making it to a store where I could take care of the van.  I headed for Schuck's Auto Parts.  As I pulled into the store it was just about 6:00, but they were open.  Jana and Arielle stayed in the van with it running while I ventured inside.

On the driver's side of the windshield there is a low area directly in front of the line of vision.  It has always been hard to find wipers that can actually clear the driver's side of the windshield.  I presented my concern to the middle-aged clerk and he recommended a high end (read "expensive") solution.  I was skeptical of the blade but he was sure it would solve the problem.

I bought the blades and headed out to the car to try them out before leaving the store.  With increasingly freezing fingers I opened the fool-proof packaging of the wiper blades, removed the old ones (how come I can never remember exactly how those cursed things come off) and slipped the new blades into place.  After I got both blades on I got into the car and turned on the wipers.

Swish. Streak. Swish. Streak. With a steady, wet snowfall the new wiper blades left a worse streak than the old ones.  I went inside to get the clerk to show him the problem.  After bundling up he kindly accompanied me outside and now understood the problem.

"Let me get a pair of pliers."

You've got to be kidding.  You want to bend something, thinking that might fix it?  At least, that's what I thought.  I didn't say anything.  Jana and Arielle, meanwhile, stayed in the warm van without a complaint or comment.

Back into the store I went to look at the wiper blade assortment again.  Soon the clerk came back in also.  We tried a different style, then he started figuring out the paperwork to credit me for the difference as he now agreed that the most expensive blades in the store wouldn't do the trick.

"Would it be all right if I gave you the difference back in cash?"

You bet.  Especially after the original bill swelled to $140 with two full sets of chains.  (They say that with a front wheel drive vehicle you need to put the chains on the front AND the rear for safety.  To his credit my clerk had suggested that only one set on the front would be necessary, but I went ahead a bought two anyway.)

Back into the arctic I headed with the new blades, my clerk joining me.  We took the old new blades off and put the new new blades on, again losing feeling in my fingers.  I had found a stocking cap in the back of the van so at least the snow quit falling on my bald spot.

I moved back to the driver's side of the car and turned on the blades.  Swish. Swish. Swish. Swish.  Perfectly clean and clear.  Yay!

I thanked my patient clerk and got in the car to head for home.  The detour and the stop at the auto parts store kept us out for nearly an extra hour.  But I started to feel the knot in my stomach ease a bit, feeling that I was as prepared as possible for a snowy trip to Rexburg in the morning.

That whole time, while I paraded back and forth to the car, trying out wiper blades, Jana and Arielle sat patiently in the car.  As we drove home I thanked them both for their kindness in waiting so long when I knew they'd just like to get home where it was safe and warm and dry, and to keep packing.  Arielle did mention that Jana had found the "evil toy" in her coat pocket which kept her occupied playing solitaire.  Even so, it was a very loving thing, from both Jana and Arielle, to patiently wait while I tried to make sure we had everything that would make me feel secure for tomorrow's drive.

Epilog

As I type this post I here voices and foot steps running back and forth between Arielle's bedroom, the TV room and the living room.  "Arielle, did you pack your ...?"  "Mom, where's my ...?"  They must be getting close because I also hear the sound of the tape gun sealing boxes.

Another 40 minutes and it will be 2010: a new year and a new life, for Arielle and for Jana and I.  What an adventure!
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Mush-Talk

When I was a teen, living at home, I knew my parents loved each other.  My dad's entire life seems to be dedicated to making my mother comfortable and helping her pursue her constant stream of creative ideas.  As kids we were no strangers to my parents display of affection for each other.  In their example I am truly blessed.

Even so, I could never imagine them making romantic, even mushy, love talk between them.

Jana and I are packing Arielle to college in two days.  Tonight I had worked it so I didn't have any meetings or appointments.  I wanted to be home and help out in getting her ready.  So, we went shopping.  Arielle was looking for specific pieces of her wardrobe which were yet lacking: a warm sweater, another pair of pants, athletic shoes; plus a couple culinary items: a colander, microwavable containers and measuring cups.

As we were shopping, somewhere between Maurice's and Old Navy Jana said, "Let me look at those pants."  She was referring to the fact that I bought a pair of Levi's at the Deseret Industries to replace a pair I had shrunk out of.  Then she said,

"I like the way those pants fit.  And I like that sweater; it's very manly.  And I like that shirt.  And I like that red jacket.  I like how it all looks together.  And I like what's in it."

See, I couldn't have pictured my dad, as demonstrably loving as he is, talking to my mom in that way, all mushy-like.  Jana didn't say it within earshot of Arielle, otherwise Arielle would have thrown up all over the Old Navy floor tile.  But I loved it.  And that, class, is a loving thing: mush-talk.  If you want to keep the pilot light on your love turned on, learn to mush-talk.
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Abandonment Issues

Tonight was another of those mildly busy evenings where one car had to be in two places at the same time.  I had interviews starting at 6:45 at one church building and Jana had a 6:45 meeting at another.  Then, we needed to be home by 7:30 to meet our home teachers, who we haven't seen in four months, so we didn't want to miss that.

The solution?  Simple.  We leave at 6:30 and I drop Jana off at her appointment then head over to mine, just three miles away.  I had just two appointments (2 appointments x 15 minutes each = 30 minutes.  First appointment starts at 6:45, done by 7:15... no problem).

As I dropped Jana off her last words were, "Don't leave me waiting.  I have abandonment issues."

I get to the church at 6:45.  I get the computer printout I need.  I'm ready.  But my 6:45 appointment isn't there yet.  After waiting for a time I invite my 7:00 appointment in.  It looks like I've been stood up by my 6:45 so my 7:00 and I visit about a couple other things as well.

7:25 we're finished and I grab my overcoat and walk with him to my office door.  As I open the door there sits my 6:45.

"Please come on in.  Have you been waiting long?"  I take off my overcoat.

I'm careful not to appear rushed so my 6:45 feels like I have all the time in the world to visit with her.  About 6 months after being called as bishop I moved the wall clock so that it sits directly in front of me on the opposite wall.  My visitors can't see it but I can.  I've perfected the ability to look deep into the eyes of my visitors while my peripheral vision sweeps the time.

We conclude at 7:35 and I, once again, put my overcoat on and walk her to the door.  As we emerge my executive secretary comments, "That's the shortest interview he's done yet."  I bid all a farewell and head out to my car.  Once in my car I call my daughter at home to let her know I'm on my way to pick up Jana and ask if our home teachers are there yet.

"No, but they called and want you to call them back."

I head on over to pick up Jana, who, I am certain by now, thinks she has legitimate reasons to have abandonment issues.

I pull up to the doors of the church and don't even feel the least bit guilty for parking in the handicap parking spot.  I leap from the car and bolt for the door through which I can see Jana sitting in the lobby.

"I'm here!" I announce, bursting through the door as if I were some kind of super hero.

She looks up from her "evil toy" with a smile on her face and says,

"I've had the best time visiting with people as they have come and gone – the Cahoons, the Phelps and the Stauffers.  A couple of them even offered me a ride home."

She never broke her smile as I walked her to the van and she filled me in on how everyone was doing.

Not another word was said about my abandoning Jana; just a smile and news about some wonderful conversations she had while she waited.  It seems Jana has spent a fair amount of time in our married life waiting.  It started when we were dating as she, a college graduate, waited for a green returned missionary to grow up enough to ask her to marry him.  (She's still waiting for me to grow up, but, frankly, I don't really intend to.)

I do try to not keep her waiting, however – and sometimes I think I'm improving.  But I'm grateful for the loving thing she offered me tonight as she sat and talked to friends who came and went while she patiently waited.
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My Magic Drawer

I have a magic drawer.  It's the top drawer of my dresser where I keep my underwear and socks.

If you didn't know any better it would appear like any other drawer.  And like most drawers, every day it slowly gets emptier and emptier.  But then, just before I am totally out of clean underwear, Violá!

Just like magic, it fills up again.  It's like I have a never ending supply of fresh, clean underwear.

For a long time now I have suspected the UndieElves who are known to replenish underwear drawers at night while you sleep.  Many nights I have tried to stay awake to catch them at their gleeful game but it seems I always fall asleep and miss the magical moment.

But I'm beginning to suspect that maybe there is another force afoot.  As I have been trying to hunt down the UndieElves I've also noticed there are even more abnormal anomalies around the house – like where I always hang my white church shirts.  (Try saying that five times real fast.  "Church shirts. Churchshirts. Churshirts. Churshurts. Churshursh.")  I think I only have three of them.  But I'm not so sure.  I'll wear one, then, at the end of the day, I'll put it in the laundry basket.  But when I go to get another one a day or so later, there are three again.

Sometimes I try to outsmart the UndieElves or the Church Shirt Cherubs by sneaking the contents of our laundry basket and putting them in the washing machine in the morning after I get back from the Rec Center.  Since I work at home I figure I can get them washed, folded and put away before Jana comes home from work.  But that usually doesn't work very well.

It seems I get a good start but then as I work my mind loses track of time and before I know it I go to change my clothes before going out for an evening meeting, look in my drawer for some socks to match my suit and there it is – my magic drawer is full again.  I rush to the closet and find three white shirts hanging quietly together.  I then run to the laundry room, realizing I have forgotten to finish the clothes and find the washer and dryer empty.

Obviously the UndiElves, the Church Shirt Cherubs or whatever magical powers that be, aren't confined to performing their magic at night.

What I do know is that my magic drawer is truly a loving thing; a loving thing done without fanfare, without ceremony and without solicitation.  I've even mentioned it to Jana.  "Jana, look! My magic drawer has been filled again!"  She usually just smiles.


In the meantime, I am still trying to outsmart those UndieElves by filling the washer when I notice my magic drawer getting low – and every once in awhile I actually succeed.  But I'm not very good at fooling Jana.  She always seems to notice: "Thank you for doing the laundry.  You didn't need to do that."

I guess she doesn't believe in UndieElves.

A Romantic Day After Christmas

Arielle was born two days after Christmas.  It was pretty close to her due date but Jana wanted to make sure so she made an appointment for the day after Christmas to have her induced.  She was born the day after that.

So Arielle has the distinct advantage of making Christmas last for three days, ending with her birthday.  For this reason we generally leave our Christmas decorations up until New Year's.  But this year Arielle is headed to college on New Year's day so while Arielle was at work today Jana and I took down our Christmas decorations.  And actually we had a good time doing it.

It was fun working with Jana as we put things away for another year.  One by one the ornaments came off the tree.  I then hauled out the tree, leaving a trail of dried needles behind me.  Jana followed me out with a vacuum cleaner.  Cozy decorations and Santas and wooden crafty Christmassy things my mother and father have painted and made for us over the years found their way wrapped in garbage bags and laid in our two big Christmas bins to be transported to the garage and hoisted into the attic to await Christmas 2010.

I learned long ago that romance isn't really what the movies and songs suggest.  As Jana taught me many years ago, anytime I do something that lightens her load and communicates respect for her and the things she does I am being romantic.  This is why I can say Jana and I had a wonderfully romantic afternoon today, taking down and putting away our Christmas decorations.  Occasional glances and a touch here and there were really the only contact points, but working in the same room to the same end with Bing Crosby crooning in the background makes for a very romantic afternoon.  And that is truly a loving thing.

Now to pack up my daughter to deliver her to college.  Does anyone have a spare pillow case?
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A Gracious Christmas

Christmas night and we all just got home from a Christmas night movie -- "Blind Side".  So many loving things went on today.

This year was a different kind of Christmas for us.  We spent Christmas Eve night with my 28 year old daughter in her single bedroom apartment.  Kindly she let Jana and I sleep in her new queen-sized bed, which was o-so comfy with the comforter and fluffy pillows, while she slept on the floor in the living room and her sister slept on the sofa.  That definitely qualifies as a loving thing.

For the past nearly ten years we have drawn names for Christmas, pooled our combined Christmas money and each provided Christmas for the person whose name we drew, complete with Christmas stockings.  Only this year our youngest daughter is headed for college in one week, as a brand-new freshman, and she really needs first-time-on-your-own stuff for college life.  The solution was that, even though we each drew names again this year, each of us (except our college-bound daughter) were going to spend the money on her.  She knew nothing of the arrangement.

After spending the night at our other daughter's we made it home with Jana's mother to open gifts at our home.  It didn't take long before our youngest, who loves to save opening her presents to prolong the anticipation, kept urging others to open their gifts.  Well, we really didn't have many so we finally let her in on the secret.

She was shocked, surprised and, frankly, a little humbled at the thought.  It was just so fun for all of us to watch her open gift after needed gift.  She was simultaneously gracious and excited the whole time.

We had opened our stockings at my daughter's apartment.  I gave my wife the movie "Julie - Julia" which she loves and wanted.  That, coupled with the Reese's mini-bite peanut butter cups and the navel orange in the toe, was all that was in Jana's stocking.  I had her name this year.  The rest of my budget (along with everyone else's) went to our daughter.

Jana didn't receive another present for Christmas, according to our plan.  We did each receive some wonderful and thoughtful gifts from outside family members which was really fun.

Another part of our Christmas tradition was that we each need to make a homemade gift for the person whose name we drew.  After all the gifts were opened and photographed and appreciated, and we had finished stuffing the garbage bag with wrapping paper I said,

"Jana, I have one more gift for you."

and I pointed to our family picture wall.  One Christmas about 6 years ago I had Jana's name.  My homemade gift was a bunch of group picture frames for our wall.  I got the frames up and a couple photographs inserted, but due to time I never filled the picture holes.  My gift this year was to fill the rest of the picture holes for the frames.

Jana, in her sweet joy was totally excited, as if that was the only gift in the world ... which it pretty much was.  Her willingness to be slighted for Christmas for herself and her excitement about giving to our daughter was a loving thing on so many levels and for so many people.  I am so grateful for her graciousness, her giving heart, her finding joy in the simplest of gifts, her willingness to sacrifice for her family, continually, with such grace and joy.

It truly has been a Merry Christmas!
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An Unexpected Lunch Date

Today has been a wonderful day.  It's my birthday and I've celebrated it with a tradition I began when I was 15: I treated myself to go out to breakfast at IHOP (International House of Pancakes).  One of the young men in my ward met me there and we had a wonderful time.

But an even greater joy was a phone call I received at about 12:10 pm.  I hadn't seen Jana up to then as I had gone to the early morning session in the temple.

"I wanted to wish you a happy birthday.  So 'Happy Birthday'."

"Well, thank you."

"Would you like to come and have lunch with me?"

"Of course I would.  I'll be there in a few minutes."

So we had lunch together.  I brought some veggies and Jana had her sack lunch and we ate in the hospital cafeteria.  It was fun just to talk with her in the middle of the day.  It was truly a loving thing for her to think of inviting me to join her for lunch.  I love unexpected time with her.  It's like a gift.

I even got to go back to the IHOP this evening for dinner so I could have my birthday breakfast with my family.  Too breakfasts in the same day.  Cool!

A Spontaneous Rendezvous

I love spontaneous rendezvous's. They are like adding a little lemon pepper to a plate of otherwise delicious mixed vegetables, adding flavor and a little zing.

I was out running some errands this afternoon.  As I headed down our street toward our house I noticed that the clock in my car read "4:27".  My daughter is off work at 4:30.  So, without stopping at home I pulled a U-turn in front of our house and headed to my daughter's place of work to pick her up.

As she got in the car she asked where mom was.

"She's home.  I saw her van in the driveway but I didn't stop."

"Well, we were going to go to the bank in Albertsons to deposit my check then go shopping."

As we drove up the street with my daughter behind the wheel, we saw Jana's van pull to a stop on a side street, obviously headed to pick her up.  I rolled down my window and waved vigorously to make sure she saw us.  She did, then shrugged and held up her hands as if to say, "Hey, what's going on?"

"Mom needed to go to the bank at Albertsons as well so we'll just meet her there" offered my daughter.

We watched in the mirror to see if Jana would follow us.  She did.

We pulled into the Albertsons parking lot and got out of the car just as Jana pulled in nearby.  As I approached she was wearing her beautiful smile as I told her why I had picked our daughter up.  She then offered,

"Why don't we just swap cars and let our daughter come with me and you can go on home."

Great suggestion.  At first I thought she was just offering to relieve me so I could get back to work.  But then I thoought,

"Hey, I'll bet they want to buy me Christmas presents ... lots of Christmas presents."

So, with a knowing smile and  wink I said, "Sure.  Take your time."

I know it sounds silly, but I love meeting my wife in different places – unplanned, serendipitous places.  It's like a secret rendezvous.  I leaned into the window and gave her a kiss.  "I'll see you later.  Have fun."

A spontaneous rendezvous definitely qualifies as a loving thing.
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A Talking Hand

After a busy Sunday we had a young single adult fireside this evening.  Our speaker was Elder J. Craig Rowe, a member of the Quorum of the Seventy - a leader in our church.  Six years ago he served as our Stake President and I got to work fairly closely with him for a couple years.  He has also been a client of mine professionally.  (I even bought my lawnmower from him.  He was buying a new riding mower and sold me his Toro, which I've used now for 6 years.)

My after-church interviews were finished a little earlier today than they have been lately so I was home by 5:00.  I actually got to eat dinner with my family and then read a little before leaving for the 7:00 fireside.

The fireside was very enjoyable and I appreciated Elder Rowe's informal remarks and counsel.  It's always good to visit with him for a few minutes.

During the fireside Jana slipped her hand, palm down, just under my thigh and wiggled her fingers.  It's a little thing ... just a touch.  But it says a lot.  It says, "Hey, I'm here.  I like you.  I'm sitting next to you and want you to know that.  I am at peace.  God is in His heaven and all is right with the universe ... and all is right with me."

I think every couple develops their own simple ways of touching or nonverbally communicating contentment, love and peace.  This is just one of hers.  It is a loving thing.  It lets me know she's at peace in our relationship – that she loves me.  And that's always nice.
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Potty Passion

The other morning, after breakfast, Jana was getting ready to go to work.  I happened to be indisposed when she was ready to leave.

In our home our toilet/shower is separated from the rest of the bathroom by a pocket door but I have a three-way light switch in the bathroom that controls the light in the toilet.  At 7:30 this time of year it's still dark.  Suddenly, the light in the toilet (where I was ensconced) turned off leaving me momentarily in the dark.

"I love you.  Have a great day."

Then the light turned back on to the faint sound of a giggle.

A little thing.  A little loving thing.  I love little loving things.
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Being Lifted While Attempting to Lift

It's been a busy week – a week that has demanded a lot of emotional energy.   My brother-in-law, Noel's, passing was followed by his funeral, contrasting the soul-tugging sadness of losing a good friend and brother, with the joys and satisfaction of spending time, laughing and hugging choice family members as we reuned.

In church I'm still working on interviewing each member of my little ward plus each night this week we have a meeting or an activity scheduled.  Tonight it was a meeting.

There is a young man in my ward who I have known and worked with for over 5 years.  He is a great young man and we have enjoyed a wonderful and close relationship.  But for the past year he has been struggling intensely.  He has been living out of town but recently he moved back home with his parents to ease some financial obligations while attending school.  During my meeting tonight I couldn't get him out of my mind so I decided I needed to stop in and see him on my way home.

After the meeting was over I said "Hi" to a couple people then quickly headed for my car to get to his house.  As I turned on to the main boulevard I saw a car, with it's flashers blinking, stopped in the center turn lane of the road.  I also saw the shadow of a man standing, looking under the hood.

"I'm sure he's all right, and if he needs help someone will stop in just a minute," I rationalized as I passed.  But the Spirit wouldn't let me leave it alone so a block later I made a U-turn and pulled in behind him in the turn lane, my own flashers marking a counterpoint to his.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"I'm not sure.  I heard a snap and then it sounded like I was dragging something so I stopped, but I don't see anything wrong"

"Where were you headed?"

"To Meridian.  But I live just down this street a couple blocks so it looks like we won't be going to Meridian tonight."

I learned the young man's name was Carlos Lopez.  I now noticed his young wife was in the car watching us.  She got behind the steering wheel and we pushed the car off the busy road onto the side street.  They assured me they would be all right and profusely thanked me so I left, headed for my young friend's home.

As I prepared to turn onto the street where my young man lived I noticed the car in front of me turned onto the street as well.  When they pulled into the driveway I realized it was his parents who had been at the same meeting I had just left.

I pulled up to the curb, after their car disappeared into the garage, noting that their son's car wasn't in the driveway.  I went ahead and walked up to the door and rang the doorbell, giving them enough time to get in the house from the garage.  The parents are good friends of Jana's and mine and the husband answered the door, immediately inviting me in.

"I came to visit your son but I don't see his car in the driveway."

"No, he's not home right now, but come on in and sit down for a few minutes."

As we sat down his wife joined us and I started asking questions about how their son was doing.  "He's struggling."  With that she started sharing what was going on. We talked for probably three quarters of an hour; pain, concern and worry threaded its way throughout the conversation.  I shared some similar empathetic feelings I've experienced lately and some thoughts I've had that have helped me.

Finally, I thanked them for allowing me to come and intrude upon their evening.

"Do you think it would be all right for us to pray together before I go?"

"Absolutely.  We'd like that."

After our prayer I thanked them again, hugged them both and left, feeling lifted, buoyed and at peace.

I had not realized that, even though I thought it was the young man I needed to visit, it was actually the parents, and in the process we were all filled together.  Had I not been prompted to stop and attempt to help a stranded motorist, I would have knocked at an empty house and left, missing a truly loving thing this evening.

I was concerned that it was pretty late and I had not called Jana to let her know where I was.  When I came in the house I went straight to the bedroom where I knew I'd find her to let her know I was home.  Without any evidence of feeling upset she listened intently as I told her about my evening.  I then asked her about her evening and she shared how she and our daughter had been shopping and running errands, having a pleasant time.  (As my daughter and her friend would shop, Jana would sit in the car, blissfully reading.  This, I think, would be the perfect version of a shopping trip for Jana.)

Jana's patience, understanding and trust was a very loving thing tonight, allowing me to follow quiet promptings.  My evening was also a very loving thing offered by a very loving God Who lifts us as we attempt to lift others, thus allowing us all to rise together.
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Don't Die Before Your Body Expires

Every once in awhile life asserts itself to let us know that we are not really owners of our mortal lives.  Rather we are merely leasing our time on earth.

My brother-in-law, my friend, Noel, passed away two days ago after a three day affliction where his body simply started to shut down.  Having suffered with muscular dystrophy for the past 8 years his actual passing had to offer him intense relief, even though that is not what caused his death.

Noel is one of those rare individuals blessed with unending compassion, kindness and love.  His was the gift of acceptance: of accepting others where they were, but leaving them elevated to a new place of hope and possibility.

Times like these snap our attention to those things that matter most; the pettiness that the majority of our waking hours are concerned with slip temporarily away as we ponder our own mortality.

In the midst of the goings and comings of the past couple days – the normal busyness that characterizes our current life – Jana and I found a moment to sit on the couch together for a few minutes last night.  We sat huddled at one end taking up occupancy to only 2 1/2' of our 6' couch.  Without looking up she quietly said, "Don't die."

Though we don't know the allotted days of our mortal probation we do have a choice over the quality, if not the quantity, of our lives.  The key seems to be the realization that we don't have much control over the things that act upon us.  But we have absolute control over how we respond to them.

Far too many people will die this year ... long before their bodies expire.  They will die to adventure, to improvement, to learning, to serving, to contributing, to laughing, to dancing, to giving, to love.  And the truly sad thing is that many of these deaths will be suicides.  In Jana's quiet plea, "Don't die", she was sounding from the oceans-deep floor of her soul her most loving thing.  She was saying, "Let's continue laughing, learning, singing, dancing, serving, giving, living and loving for a very long time.

I promise her I will continue living every day. I promise I will not die before my body expires.  I promise I will not die at all but will continue laughing, learning, singing, dancing, serving, giving, living and loving long after my body has been discarded for not keeping up with my spirit.  I promise I will continue living and loving her eternally.
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Empty Nests and Newlywedded Wonders

Jana and I were married a little less than two years before our son was born.  We had a wonderful time getting to know each other, spoiling ourselves in spontaneity: like nudging each other at 11:00 at night and saying, "Let's go to Denny's and get some pie."

When our son arrived, yes, there were a lot of new things – new experiences, new routines, new responsibilities – but I don't really remember the immediate loss of spontaneity.  There were just so many newnesses going on that the spontaneity just seemed to fade ... not only in existence, but in importance as well.  Maybe it was just part of my expectation of what it meant to be a "father".  Or maybe it wasn't the spontaneity but my memory that has faded.

But to Jana it seemed to be more immediate and evident.  When Aaron was still a toddler I remember Jana saying, "I can hardly wait until our children are grown and we can be alone together again."

In retrospect it must have been this view, a longing for that too-brief Eden of innocence and wonder in our lives, that has compelled Jana to always be aware of the health of our relationship.  Over the years she has often commented, "We'd better remember how to have fun together because when the kids are gone I want to be able to like you."

I love having my children around, and specifically at home.  When Jana would say "I can hardly wait until they are grown," I would think, "Well, I can wait!  I don't want to rush it."

Our "baby" will be headed for college in three weeks.  It seems once our children leave, they never really come home again.  They may come for periods of time  – like between semesters or for a time after missions – but never really to stay.  And that's as it should be.  And that's what we've raised them to do.  And that's the proper sequence of their lives.  But that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Even so, in Jana's mantra, "I can hardly wait", if I listen beyond my own reluctance I hear the unmistakable message that she likes me; she seems to like being around me (most of the time).  Her constant pulse-taking in our relationship is to assure the health of our friendship.

Two evenings ago Jana was on the phone with her sister and brother-in-law.  In the course of their conversation Richard asked, "Are you ready for the 'empty nest'?  Do you think you'll be able to stand each other?'"

To which Jana replied, "Oh, we have no problem there."

Many of the loving things I have noted in my posts are the simple, common things that can so easily go unnoticed.  But this loving thing is a LOVING THING!  It is the result of 31 years of on-purpose nurturing of precious relations; of countless recoveries after meaningless divides; of numerous forgivenesses for thoughtless acts; of determined decisions for celestial bonds.

"We have no problem there" is really a declaration of an intermediate victory in our relationship.  It is an ensign of our shared desire to continue enjoying each others' company as our love, companionship and friendship deepens and compounds.  "We have no problem there" is truly a loving thing.

So, with measured anticipation, I look forward to the "empty nest", relying on Jana's enthusiasm to soothe me into relaxing my grip on the season I'm leaving behind.  And let the spontaneity of newlywedded wonder return, only now with an audience of heirs with which to share our adventures.
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"No, I'm Sure I Didn't Have the Checkbook Last"

Having been self employed for 26 years I don't have the luxury of a regular, predictable paycheck.  My money comes in as my money comes in ... and sometimes not.  This makes it difficult to budget at times.  For about 23 of those 26 years Jana has taken care of the finances of my business, paying the bills and shifting over to the household account what was left over.

I came back to the house after having gone helping someone in my ward move this afternoon and found Jana at the kitchen table, with work order envelopes and bills spread all over.  She does this about twice a month and with the many jobs I have coming and going and the various vendors who supply needed services this generally takes a couple hours as she expertly handles this necessary detail of our life.


I am so grateful for her patience and constancy in taking care of this important task.  Coupled with Jana's frugality and low materialistic needs we are able to have sufficient for our needs.  Although these financial tasks she manages are needed things, they are also loving things.  And I made sure to tell her.

(I especially made to sure to tell her after I found the household checkbook, hidden in my suit pocket, which has been missing for the past 10 days.  "No, honey, I'm sure I wasn't the last one who had it.")
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Frozen Drainpipes and the Gift of Appreciation

It's been a busy three days.  The primary reason is due to the extreme cold weather we've been experiencing here in this corner of Idaho.  The nights have been -3 to -8 degrees and the days have only warmed up to about 18 degrees.

This cold snap has had an effect on many homes, including my wife's mother's home.  Yesterday I got a call from mother's caregiver that there was no water in any of the taps.  With the help of a plumber we found that the water main at the water meter had frozen.  We got it thawed out and I insulated the meter.

At 11:00 yesterday evening I received a call from mother stating that her basement was flooded.  We got that mopped up, thanks to the help of our nighttime companion, Kendra.

I spent the afternoon today at mother's trying to figure out the source of last night's flood and why the utility room sink is full and won't drain.  Finally, with the help of the same plumber as yesterday we came up with a cause and a solution.  The solution entails thawing out a drain pipe that is exposed outside in the bottom of a window well.

This evening we had a ward activity ringing and singing at two community Salvation Army kettles, followed by food and fun at my first counselor's home.  I then headed back to mother's to build a tent over the window well and set an electric heater there to thaw the drain pipe.

In the midst of this Jana has been extremely attentive to what is going on and has expressed her appreciation many times.  But I was particularly touched by her thoughtfulness this evening.  After returning home from our young adult activity and before I headed back to mother's she stopped me.

"Before you go, I've made out a deposit to reimburse you for your expenses so far at mother's home.  I've also included money for gas and the additional expenses that are coming.  I just want you to know how much I appreciate you."

There is no tangible way I can communicate the tenderness and thoughtful care with which Jana handed me the deposit envelope and, once again, let me know how much she appreciated my help.  I think appreciation must be one of the keys to love, respect and richness in any marriage.  The heartfelt expression of appreciation and acknowledgment are loving things that cause one to want to do even more, to try even harder, to return the appreciation by being more sensitive to the smallest of loving things expressed by your spouse.

I am so grateful for the unspoken feelings shown to me by Jana in her smile, in her eyes and in the melody of her words.  I truly am a lucky man.

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There May Be a Hole in the Bucket But Breakfast is on the Table

Monday morning when I got up Jana asked if I would go put some gas in the van so she could make it the one mile to work, and so we'd have enough to make it to the Ison Family Christmas Home Evening in Boise that evening.

Out the door I headed.

However, once outside I saw it had snowed our first shovelable snow during the night, maybe an inch.  I can't stand walking on new snow on my sidewalk knowing that when I do the footsteps will turn to ice making it twice as hard to shovel later.  So I headed for the garage to grab my snow shovel.  I shoveled out to the street then realized that the kids would soon be headed for school across the street.  So I turned right and shoveled to the corner.

We live on a corner lot so I then went ahead and shoveled down the side street to the neighbor's yard so the kids could walk on a clean sidewalk. I then headed back and went the other way.  My next door neighbor is an older single woman and I always shovel her walks so I headed across her property to the alley by the seminary building.

Heading back to my yard I shoveled around the van.  I then started the van to warm it up.  I grabbed the show brush and cleaned the van of its snowy blanket.  This, of course, deposited snow on the ground where I had just shoveled so I shoveled around the van again.  I then made the full circle and shoveled back to the front door from the driveway.

Retiring the shovel to the front porch I got in the van and headed for Maverick two blocks away to fill the gas tank, finally returning home with gas in the van.

In our daily morning routine I cook breakfast.  I headed into the house to get started on breakfast, but to my great delight, when I walked in breakfast was already ready and on the table.  Jana had gone ahead and prepared breakfast for us and it was waiting as I walked in the door.  I really appreciated that simple loving thing.  I had been concerned about being late and putting our morning schedule into panic mode.

My morning kinda reminds me of the old Scout song I used to lead, "There's a hole in the bucket".  But at least in the real life version, this morning, it ended with breakfast.

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Ten Pounds of Potatoes in a Five Pound Sack

Tonight Jana offered to make a phone call for me.  On the surface it sounds pretty inconse-quential.  But the effect of loving things is often the context in which they are offered.  Let me explain.

Last night we had our annual family Christmas home evening.  Jana and I brought her mother with us and we all had such a wonderful evening, complete with a visit from Santa and our not-to-be-missed white elephant gift exchange.  (I won a matching set of cassette tape programs titled "How to Light Her Fire" and "How to Light His Fire".  Sounds like some quality time coming up.)

After the party we took mother back home.  When we arrived home and got inside mother was feeling quite ill.  She was shaking uncontrollably although she didn't feel feverish and the house was warm.  She asked me if I would give her a blessing, which I did.  That plus the complaint of a chest pain made me decide to spend the night to make sure she was all right.

Mom has a young woman who stays with her at night so she won't be alone.  She arrived shortly after we did.  We decided to send her home with Jana and my daughter.

Mother was feeling better this morning.  I called her doctor and made arrangements for an appointment in the afternoon, then, after fixing her some breakfast and seeing that her day helper was on top of things, I headed home so I could get my daughter to a dental appointment.  After snatching a couple hours of work I headed back to mother's at 12:30 so I could get her to her annual eye doctor appointment which was followed by her primary care doctor appointment I had made this morning.  As a result of her exam the doctor suggested she needed a chest x-ray so he made arrangements and we headed to an imaging center.

I had a young woman who was to meet me at 5:00 for an interview back at home which would be followed by an evening of interviews at the church starting at 7:00.  When we arrived at the imaging center I called Jana to give her an update as to what was going on.  I caught her just as she and my daughter were heading out to do some shopping.  I mentioned my concern about getting home by 5:00 and Jana simply asked, "Can I call the young woman for you to see if she can change your appointment?"

I know that to some that doesn't seem like a big thing.  And I guess it's not.  But I had been worrying and watching the time trying to figure out how I was going to make everything work, especially with the added x-ray appointment.  Jana was able to see that you can't fit 10 pounds of potatoes in a 5 pound sack and just lightened my load by offering to take care of it for me.  The cheerful tone in her voice and the offer of help was, to me, truly a loving thing.

As it worked out, I got home shortly before 7:00, just in time to change my clothes and be 15 minutes late for my first evening appointment.  I pulled out of the driveway just as Jana and my daughter were pulling in.  We waived as we passed.  The afternoon and evening all worked out just fine, thanks to Jana's thoughtfulness with a simple offer of help.

Shortly before 10:00 tonight I called Jana as I was leaving the church to come home.  She asked if I had any money with me as we needed milk for breakfast.  I said I didn't, to which she replied, "Well, stop and get me and I'll go with you to the store."  It is taking advantage of unexpected moments, like going to the store together on a -3 degree night, that binds the ties of love in a relationship.  I'm so grateful Jana thinks to take advantage of those moments.
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Hot Bread, Strawberry Jam and Being Included

On Sunday mornings, just before I head out the door to my meetings, I wake up Jana so we can have a morning prayer together.  I usually just kneel by the bed while she stays tucked in and we hold hands as we pray.  I then don't see her until church and talk to her briefly between meetings.

Today during our Sunday School hour I was a few minutes late and slipped into the class, finding the first chair available.  After a few minutes the teacher asked a question and I turned to see who was responding when I saw Jana sitting on the back row.  I grabbed my books and slipped out the door (there are two doors in that classroom), went around and came back in the second door and slipped in beside her.

After a few minutes she leaned over to me and said, "I've invited a couple guests over to our house this evening."  She had invited two of the young women in our ward over just to visit and play games.

When we got home after an evening "fireside" Christmas meeting, Chanel's car (Chanel is my oldest daughter) was in the driveway – always a good thing.  We came inside and I got a fire going in the fireplace to warm things up.  Arielle got started making some bread, partially as a treat and partially as a "white elephant" gift at our family home evening Christmas party tomorrow.

Soon the young woman from our ward came over and we had a wonderful time talking, playing games and polishing off a loaf of hot bread and home made strawberry jam the moment it came out of the oven.

Jana is a wonderful hostess when it comes to making people feel at home.  Her thoughtfulness in inviting these two wonderful young women over for an informal evening just to relax and visit was truly a loving thing.  I am so grateful for her gift for making people feel comfortable.  That ability was also the thing that made me feel relaxed and comfortable on our first date.  It really works!

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Pork Roast and Heart

Some months ago I started changing some of my eating habits to improve my health.  These eating habits required some small changes in our grocery shopping, including more protein in my diet along with more veggies.  Jana does the grocery shopping for our family so she was the one who did the greatest amount of preparation work to accommodate my changes.

This afternoon she did some minor grocery shopping to restock the larder.  An hour or so later she was getting ready to go pick up our daughter from work.  I wandered into the kitchen and she was just putting a pork roast in the crock pot.

"I'm just putting this roast in so it will be ready in a couple hours.  I also have some chicken and some ground beef that I'll cook up so you'll have plenty of variety to choose from this week."

Precooking the meats and putting them in the fridge makes meal planning for myself so much easier during the week.  This kind service Jana does is really just for me as this meat isn't really used much for family evening meals.  I am so grateful for this loving thing that is so helpful to me.

It's after 11:00 now and Jana is still up (listening to her iPod) waiting for the pork roast to cool down so she can bag it and put it in the fridge.  You know, I really think I can probably do that, so I'd better sign off.
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Simple, Uncomplicated Loving Traditions

Thanksgiving is behind us and we're officially in Christmas Mode in our house.  I keep all our Christmas decorations in two large Rubbermaid® storage boxes.  I got them down a week ago so we could get started celebrating Christmas.

Aaron, Melanie and Morgan were in town over the Thanksgiving weekend and stayed with us at night.  On Saturday I got the lights out and said, "Morgan, let's go outside."  So he helped me put the Christmas lights up, at least as much as a 3 year old can help.  We had a number of things going on that day so I felt pretty good getting that much of our Christmas started.  (And I felt very good having spent some fun time with my grandson.)

Wednesday night I had interviews at the church.  As I left Jana commented, "We're putting up the Christmas decorations tonight."

Jana and I are not really decorative people.  Our home is simple, functional and, for us, comfortable.  A couple years ago the wife of a friend of mine commented, just in passing, "You being an artist, I'll bet your home is decorated beautifully."  (Needless to say, I've never invited she and her husband over.)

Our simple style extends to our Christmas decorations as well.  We have many traditional decorations we've collected over the years, many homemade, that we love to put up.  They bring warm memories.  Like the canning jar lids with simple Christmas bell shapes punched out with a hammer and nail hung on a piece of red ribbon and made by Aaron when he was in kindergarten.  Or the nativity set my sister made for us out of clay one year when she couldn't afford to buy gifts.  (The clay she used wasn't fired, rather just left to dry and harden.  The characters, cute as they are, are very brittle.  We have hot-glued legs, arms and donkey ears many times over the years but still gingerly bring them out again each year as part of our Christmas decoration traditions.  My sister died three years ago and the meaning of her nativity set is even more dear now.)

Even so, our simple, family decorations are precious to us.

I haven't been home many evenings for the past couple weeks so Jana decided Wednesday evening would be a good night to set things up. When I got home at about 10:00 our house had magically turned into Christmas.  I looked around and saw the familiar decorations, each with their story, and it felt like home, like Christmas, like love.

I love the simple, uncomplicated joys that Jana finds in our life.  She is just the right match for me.  Her decorating Christmas with Arielle, and turning our home into a warm, loving, peaceful and happy place, not just during Christmas but every day, is a wonderous thing ... a loving thing.

So I'll glue the leg one more time back on the clay camel and stretch another holiday season out of my sister's precious nativity set.  And I'll be truly and simply happy.

P.S.  Can you find the 8 nativity sets on our mantle?

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I'm the Luckiest

My oldest daughter, Chanel, was here this weekend and introduced Jana into the world of iPods.  She had an older iPod she was willing to lend Jana so she can listen to her favorite music.  The two of them sat in front of one of our computers sampling a huge file of music that Chanel has so Jana could select her own special mix.

In the end Jana had selected 150 songs for her personal playlist.  In addition to a huge number of classical selections and showtunes Chanel had made some suggestions of songs that Jana did not know, but which she knew my wife would love.

Since this weekend I have found Jana, at night before going to bed, sitting in our wingback bedroom "reading chair" with her head plugged into the iPod, eyes closed, blissfully conducting a room filled with silence.

As I sat here at my computer this evening preparing to write tonight's post, pajama-clad Jana came in.

"You have to listen to this.  This is one of the songs Chanel suggested I add to my list. I wish you had written it."

Before we were married I used to write and perform music.  I think it may have been one of the things that caught Jana's attention when we were getting to know each other while co-directing a play production.  I had written one of the songs for the play and one evening, backstage, I played a few of my songs for her.  Later I wrote a couple for her as our relationship continued to grow.

The song Jana wanted me to hear is a beautiful song, "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds.  I was familiar with it and enjoyed plugging into the iPod while Jana silently watched me listen, a faint satisfied, giving smile in her countenance.

Her simple comment, "I wish you had written it", was a loving thing to me because it meant the message and emotion of the song made her think of me.  I don't sing or write as often as I used to.  But lately I have pulled out my old guitar, dusted it off, tuned it up and, usually late at night, have played alone in the bedroom.  Jana came in the other night while I was playing and said, "I love to hear you play again."

Just maybe I will.

Click to listen for yourself.




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Love in a Garbage Can

Today was Garbage Day. The garbage is my job.  On Wednesday morning I march through the house and empty all the wastebaskets and haul them outside. I then drag the three garbage cans all the way out to the curb (nearly 40 feet I'm sure). After the city sanitation engineers dutifully pick them up (anytime between 9:00am and 4:30pm) I march the empty garbage cans back next to the garage door to await another week.

I, of course, make sure to let Jana know that I remembered to take the garbage out when she comes home from work.  She needs to and wants to know this, I'm sure.  I'm also sure this act of vigilance on my part helps her feel cared for.  This is necessary because I have been known to forget from time to time – not very often, mind you. (Although I do have to admit that if my garbage cans aren't out to the curb by about 9:30, my single, older next door neighbor often calls to remind me.)

At any rate, it is my manly duty and I dute it ... most of the time ... except when I forget ... which is rare ... I assure you. And I always let Jana know when she comes home so she'll know I've done my duty as husband and protector. She then, generally, gives me that brief look that says something like "Well, good for you."  (Sometimes she'll even throw me a biscuit.)

Two weeks ago I dutifully did my husbandly duty and quietly gave myself a pat on the back for remembering.  During the day we had some Idaho weather.  Those of you not from around here need to know this means we had "mixed weather", changing every ten minutes.  The sanitation engineers showed up at around 3:00 that afternoon, even late for them.  I absent mindedly noticed the truck but was in the middle of a project and didn't get up to go bring the garbage cans in ... especially since it was seriously "wind-ing" (that's Jana-oan for "the wind was a'blowing").

The plastic garbage cans started blowing around and rolling in the street, but I really needed to get my project done.

Shortly after 4:00 Jana pulled in.  She walked in the door, her normal afterwork cheerful self, and headed for the bathroom, her normal afterwork cheerful ritual.  I continued to work.  Finally, just before dinner, I remembered the garbage cans.  I headed outside but couldn't see them.  At first I thought they might have blown down the street but as I walked out to the driveway I saw them, neatly sitting in their place by the garage door, lids on and everything.

Jana had pulled in, saw the garbage cans and brought them in.  Nothing remarkable really, other than it's not her responsibility.  She just saw the need, assumed I had been busy and did it.  But I guess the real significance was that, unlike some people I resemble, she hadn't said a word: no comment about them being blown around and scattered; not a word about whose job it was; no mention of "I brought the garbage cans in for you."  Just the small act of service, without the fanfare or the trumpets or the "sounding brass and tinkling cymbals".  Just her normal afterwork cheerful, "Helllloooo."

I'm not sure where service ends and love begins.  But it seems, at least with Jana, they are the same thing, a loving thing.
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Write This Down

About 2 years ago I discovered the G2 gel ink pen.  It has a nice smooth flow of rich ink and I love writing with them.  I own 6 of them, although I only know the whereabouts of about 2 at any given point in time.  They seem to migrate around the house but eventually they seem to come back.

They do have one weakness, however.  The little clip that holds the pen in your pocket has a tendency to break off.  I'm not sure why.  I'm certain it's NOT because my daughter absent-mindedly bends them back and forth when she borrows them.

I took a couple of these pens with me when Jana and I went on our anniversary weekend a month ago.  We always take books and journals with us.  It's part of our therapy.  Our host couple was so interesting that Jana must have filled an entire journal about them.

One morning on our weekend we were upstairs in the family room, me reading and Jana writing in her journal.

"Oh, no."

"What's wrong?"

"I just ran out of ink and this is too interesting to stop.  Do you have another pen?"

"Of course I do." Whereupon I gave her the one in my pocket.

Before our anniversary weekend was over (5 days and 4 nights near Clayton, Idaho, along the Salmon River, halfway between Stanley and Challis – just two miles from the middle of nowhere) she managed to drain that pen as well and I gave her my other one, which she also depleted.

The other day Jana came home from a quick grocery shopping trip.  As she opened her Walmart bags she said, "I bought you a present because I love you."

She then pulled out a package of G2 gel ink replacement cartridges and handed them to me.

"Since I used up your ink writing in my journal I wanted to replace it and tell you I love you for letting me run your pens out of ink."

What fun.  Two presents in one: a package of ink replacement cartridges AND an "I love you".  As much as I love my G2 gel ink pens, "I love yous" trump any kind of present any day.  "I love yous" are great loving things.  I just never get tired of hearing them.  I'll let Jana run my G2 gel ink pens out of ink any day in exchange for an "I love you".

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A Phone Call at Lunch

Jana and I have a slightly different living/working arrangement.  Jana works in a medical billing office a mile away.  I work at home.  I work in front of my computer all day and she works in front of hers.

At about 1:10 today, right after her lunch break, I received a phone call from Jana.

"Hello."

"Well, Hi."

"What are you doing?"

"Just sitting here staring at my computer."

"Well, I just wanted to call and say 'Hi'.  So, 'Hi'.  That's all."

That brief interchange was followed by some mushy remarks.  But, during the day, it feels nice to be thought of.  It doesn't take long at all.  It doesn't have to convey stories or events or requests or assignments or ... anything.  Just to know that the one you love is thinking about you is often enough.  It makes their homecoming an event to be anticipated.  And when Jana got home from work, after first doing some grocery shopping, you bet a smile teased at my face when I saw the familiar green van pull into the driveway.  And you bet I went out and helped bring in the groceries.  And you bet I gave her a hug once we set the bags down on the counter.

And it was enough.  A phone call.  A small thing.  A loving thing.
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Still A Smile in Her Voice After 6:00

Jana grew up with a father who had more peas on his knife than could possibly be swallowed.  She grew up feeling that everything else in his life was more important than her – primarily his work (as a self-employed, one-man chicken farmer) and his church service (as bishop then stake president over a multitude of Mormon congregations in southwest Idaho).  She drew a distinction in his need to provide a living for his family but grew to resent feeling orphaned by his church service.

"When deciding on the qualities I wanted in a husband," she later recounted, "I wanted to marry a man who was kind, lived his religion, honored his priesthood, but would never be a bishop."

After 31 years of marriage I was called to serve as a bishop over a young single adult ward.

The Mormon church does not have a paid ministry.  We all serve in the church when asked or "called" by our priesthood leadership.  We do not seek positions, we do not aspire to callings, we do not apply for station, we do not campaign for office.  We also do not turn down opportunities to serve each other, in whatever capacity and for whatever duration we are called.

I can not begin to explain the depths to which Jana had to reach to find the faith, or at least a glimmer of hope, to support me in this new calling.  The little girl who felt so neglected, unloved and unvalued reemerged, her insecurities and loneliness almost overpowering her.  This was truly a trial of her faith.

I can't say my own history in our marriage has been that much of a solace for her.  I have displayed a tendency to grasp hold of "extra curricular" service, be it Boy Scouts, church callings or a fatherless boy, and spread my time as thinly as a child trying to make a sandwich out of the last scrapings from the peanut butter jar.  Jana didn't have much to build her hope on.  Even so, like the widow's mite, she gave "all her living" to the hope that somehow she would not be lost or forgotten or ignored in my press to magnify my calling and serve those I had been called to shepherd.

As time has rolled on an unexpected "tender mercy" has unfolded.  My call has somehow simplified my life, or at least my thoughts, and has focused me.  It has slowed me down and given me far greater appreciation for Jana, for her strength, for her wisdom, for her patience and for the secure calm that lies at the core of our relationship.

As we began this new journey a year and a half ago, I committed to be home on Sunday evenings by 6:00 with my attention turned to home.  I have not perfected that commitment yet but my success rate continues to improve.

This time of year I am in the middle of the annual end of year "tithing settlement" where I meet with each member of the ward in the course of one month's time in one-on-one interviews.  It is a wonderful, enriching experience as I connect with each member of my ward and simply listen.  The interview's are short but sometimes the course of the conversations require a few extra minutes to allow for individual needs.

Tonight, after having left the house this morning before she was up and after only seeing Jana once across a classroom in one of our meetings, I finished my last interview of the day at about 6:05.  I called Jana to let her know I was finished and was heading home.

With the cheerful lilt to her voice that reveals her native happy personality which I've come to love over the course of 33 years, she replied, "OK. I'll see you in a few minutes."

The melody of her voice and the simplicity and ordinariness of her response belied the arduous journey that has brought her to this place.  Having a knowledge of that journey, what I heard was an ocean-deep loving thing that ripples through my heart and reminds me how blessed I am.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Sometimes Love is Blurry-Eyed

On this Thanksgiving Holiday weekend we have made it a habit to stay up late (1:00 to 2:00 am) visiting with my daughters and my son and daughter-in-law who are in town for the holiday weekend.  What fun it's been playing "Grandma & Grandpa" to our 3 year old grandson.  Jana took Friday off work just to make the holiday more festive, which means the luxury of staying up late and sleeping in equally late.

Even so, holiday weekend or not, our ward had the responsibility of cleaning the church today (we have the fourth Saturday of each month to clean the church and make it ready for Sunday meetings) at 8:00 am.  All by itself, 8:00 am isn't early, except when placed in the context of it being Saturday in addition to the mix of holiday indulgence.

After a 5 hour night I rolled out of bed to get ready to go clean the Cheerios off the chapel benches.  After dressing I walked over to Jana's side of the bed and she was out cold, blissfully enjoying her cozy slumber. I didn't really want to wake her, wishing I was still cocooned on the other side of the bed, but I gently patted her hip and she aroused semi-consciously.

"Sweetheart, I"m getting ready to head to the church to clean."

"Uh. OK." she mumbled, not moving.

I headed to the kitchen to grab a banana, then outside to get the car warmed up.  I had decided to not trouble her again, figuring that if she fell back asleep, she deserved it.

Back in the kitchen I stood, eating my banana when Jana came walking in.  "I'm ready."

Neither of us had done any more personal preparation than to drag combs through our hair and, given my unshaved, unshowered state, I was grateful her eyes were having a hard  time focusing.

We headed for the car and drove off to tackle the awaiting vacuums, the 14 miles of halls and the crushed Cheerio dust.

Without complaint or even a word about how short the night had been or how warm the bed was, Jana was there: blurry-eyed, dressed and selflessly supportive.  A simple but loving thing.  How grateful I am for her.

(Parenthetically, my first counselor gave me two tickets to Applebees for a High School Band fundraiser breakfast so we had breakfast after cleaning the church before coming home and starting another special day of playing Grandma and Grandpa.)
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Welcome to 365 Loving Things

In a world where relationships seem to be as fluid as water how can we truly create love that endures?  Maybe a good place to start is in appreciating the love that is already right in front of us.

365LovingThings is a simple, personal online journey of recognizing the loving things my wife does for me each day.

As the love of my life for over 33 years, Jana constantly communicates her love for me in open, spontaneous declarations, in quiet, simple actions and in private, subtle expressions.  My greatest fear in life is that I may miss one of those quiet but precious expressions and thereby miss out on the sweetest joy of life.

Love is not an emotion.  It's a decision.  And once made must be affirmed each and every day as one of the most important things we have to do that day.

On those days when we just don't feel loving, perhaps we can grasp hold of the faith and hope we have for love and do loving things – for our spouse, our child, our parent, our friend.  As we do, we will find that the "feelings" of love will follow.

I dedicate this 365 day journey to purposefully increase the depth of my love and appreciation for my wife, my true friend, by noticing the small, the intimate, the constant ways she shows her love to me.  It is a way of counting my blessings for the inspired decision I made, ignorantly yet wisely, over a third of a decade ago and for my continual recommitment to develop, to express and to feel unconditional love for her.

You are invited to peek in on my personal journey in the hopes that you, too, will rediscover the loving things that are expressed but are too often overlooked each day, knowing that we truly can't notice and appreciate the love given to us without it increasing our desire to give it back.

I would then ask that you take a moment to share and comment on the expressions, small or grand, that you have received and experienced.

And just maybe, we can start making a difference.

Kevin