Stir Fry

Sundays are fairly busy for me.  I generally leave the house at about 7:30am and make it home around 6:00, except every other week when we have an evening fireside after church that allows me to fly by and pick up Jana enroute to the fireside.  On those Sundays we get home at around 9:00.

But it's such a joy and rather than feeling tired I feel energized and generally come home feeling happy and satisfied.  There's nothing more fun than spending the day with the young people of my congregation, people who are trying to live good: contributing lives; striving to make good choices; looking to find a place where they can make a difference in the world.  What could be more energizing than that?  The maturity and inquisitiveness of their thoughts constantly inspire me to want to be better.  I often tell them, "I want to be like you when I grow up."  They are just so easy to love.

For example, I had a young man inspire me with a powerful lesson Sunday.  I've mentioned that my reason for writing this blog is to capture the many loving things that my wife does for me so that they don't slip away unnoticed.  It opens my eyes and focuses my attention so I'm, hopefully, better tuned in.  However, as I visited with this young man yesterday he commented, "Bishop, I try to notice five times every day when the Holy Spirit touches me or prompts me to act.  Then I write them down in my journal in the evening so I can remember how blessed I am."

How can I help but come away feeling inspired and determined to do even better each day when I get that kind of motivation.

Back to my point.

I woke Jana at 7:30 yesterday, had a prayer with her and kissed her goodbye before leaving the house.  I saw her during our Sunday School time at 2:30 and gave her a hug.  After church, as she was leaving, she asked what time I'd be home.  Based on my interview schedule I told her I should be home by 6:00.

My last interview started at 5:30 with a young man who is new to the area.  We had a delightful visit and talked about some things that were important to him.  I could have cut it short but I chose to let our conversation continue as I got to know more about him, his situation and his desires in life.  He left at 6:30 and I felt good for the time we had spent together.

Before leaving I called Jana to let her know where I was and that I would be home in about 15 minutes.  I took some time to review the day and make notes of what I need to follow up on this week to attempt to keep things from falling through the cracks. (You know, they seem to be making cracks wider lately.)  I was the last person leaving the building so I did a tour around the building to make sure lights were out and doors were locked.  The point is that I didn't make it home until 7:00 and was feeling self-conscious about not being home on time.

I found Jana in the bedroom in the "reading chair" reading her journal.  She's updating her life's timeline for the past three years.  I came in and told her I was home and peripherally asked about her day.  I then said I was going to go fix something for dinner. Jana responded,

"I've already got a stir fry ready to cook so let me get started."

Jana got up and headed for the kitchen.  I headed for the closet to take off my jacket and tie.  I then joined her in the kitchen.  When I got there she had the ingredients for stir fry already cut up and measured in small containers and the pan was heating up.  I jumped up on the counter so we could just talk while she cooked.

It was fun just talking and sharing the spoils of our day.  Jana talked about a new young woman she had met that I had missed.  It's really good to have her there with me because, as I've mentioned several time before, she is really good about visiting with people and drawing them out.  I shared a couple things I had learned and observed that day.  We just had a good visit.

The stir fry was done quite soon and we continued our conversation over dinner.  Jana never mentioned my tardiness, although she had every right to.  She didn't even show any disappointment or disapproval, although I somewhat expected it.

I don't want to take advantage of Jana's patience and kindness.  It is a sweet and selfless gift, a truly loving thing.  As a chicken farmer's daughter she was raised around a set schedule for mealtimes that carried over into our home.  Our family rule is that dinner is at 6:00 and if you're late (that too often meant me) you'll have to eat it cold.  I do not complain of that family tradition.  It has been one of the things that has created a stable and predictable home environment for us all.  But I am so grateful for the kind and loving thing that Jana shared in getting up and fixing dinner when I finally came home and for the refreshing "talking time" as I sat on the counter and she stirred.

I'll be home by 6:00 next week.
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A Loving Detour

Jana and I are different.

When we got married we thought we knew this but it came into sharp focus on our honeymoon.

After our Thursday wedding Jana and I had our first reception on Saturday in Idaho. The next day we headed on our honeymoon, down to Oakland, California, then, after seeing a few sights, off to the Pacific Coast Highway, the famed California Route 1.

We entered the PCH just south of San Jose, where we had toured the infamous Winchester Mystery House.  We drove for a time and just at dusk we pulled off the highway into the beautiful Big Sur campground where I pitched our romantic little two-person backpacking tent by the light of our Chevy Malibu's headlights.

The next morning we headed south.  It was a breathtaking drive where pine-draped mountains plunged into the arguing blue-green pacific ocean.  It seemed that just when you thought you had seen the most beautiful view imaginable, just around the bend (and there were plenty of those) was an even more photogenic vista.

My right brain was awash with wonder and I think I must have pulled off at nearly every turnout on the windy way.  I kept commenting to my lovely, blushing bride the wonders of the scene and assumed her growing silence signaled her wordless wonder.

One noteworthy fact about this stretch of the highway is that once you are committed to the road there is no turning back.  There are no turnoffs or alternate routes, no shortened bypasses and no destinations other than the road itself.

Finally, after nearly 300 winding, up-and-down, looking-over-the-edge, stopping-at-every-turnout mile we came to the first turnoff of the road at San Simeon and the Hearst Castle.  I pulled into a parking area and said, "Sweetheart, let's go take a look."  It was here, on our honeymoon, in a parking lot on the Pacific Coast Highway, that I learned of another valuable difference in our natures.  And that is the purpose of a road.

To me a road was a path to adventure and discovery ... something to be explored and savored.

To Jana a road was simply a way to get from one place to another ... preferably the most direct route between two geolocations.

And so I learned, compelled to be content to look at the opulent newspaper tycoon's monument to excess through the quarter-fed telescope in the parking lot, before jumping into the car without another stop between there and my parent's home some five hours later.

This weekend Jana and I enjoyed a wonderful trip to Utah for my family's annual reunion up Spanish Fork Canyon.  We left after work Thursday, just the two of us since our girls couldn't get off work.  What a wonderful and fun time we had catching up with nearly 200 family members we see all to infrequently. As we headed home Monday we had a delightful book that Jana read to me as we drove and talked our way home.  The only stop we made was a potty stop between Snowville and Sweetzer Summit.

As we neared Boise I noticed that the time was 7:00 pm – the time Chanel, my oldest daughter, gets off work and heads for home.  I thought it would be nice to stop in and say "Hi", tell her about our adventurous weekend and make yet one more lifebond in our family tapestry.  But the lesson I had learned these nearly 34 years ago has become so deeply ingrained that I debated for 3 miles whether I dared ask Jana if she would mind our stopping when we were nearly in view or our journey's destination.

Finally I dared.

"Jana, would it be all right if we pulled off and visited Chanel for a few minutes, since we're so close?"

(Breath held.)

"Sure."

So I called Chanel, caught her enroute home from work and asked if we could stop by and see her on our way home.

Loving things are often the personal preferences we choose to yield as we learn to live and love together.  On the surface they may seem small, almost insignificant, but those small compromises of preference, whether freely offered or patiently proffered, should not be taken for granted, but acknowledged and valued for the loving gifts they are.
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To Be Where You Are

Jana generally gets home from work shortly after 4:00.  Just before 4:00 I had slipped out to run an errand.   When I pulled into the driveway the humpbacked van was securely parked, signaling Jana was home.

I called to her as I walked in the door but soon heard the bathroom fan indicating she was beyond hearing range so I sat back down at the computer in my office and went back to work.

Before long Jana came into the office and said, "Hello" in her after-work-and-I'm-happy-to-start-the-best-part-of-my-day voice.  She then just sat down on the white leather couch that sits in front of my work desk, laid down, shifted slightly and closed her eyes to take a nap.

It was just nice and made me feel warm knowing she just wanted to be in the same room with me.  I was working and not really conversant and she just wanted to take an afterwork nap.  But just being near can be a comfortable loving thing, with Jana curled up on the office couch saying, without speaking a word, "It's nice just to be where you are."
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You Would've Loved It

The company where Jana works was recently sold to another hospital organization and as the companies merge their billing offices perhaps only 1/3 of the current jobs will be available.  This leaves an office with a lot of anxiety clouding the air.

The original company, however, is trying to help it's outgoing employees as much as possible, including bringing in special services to help with resume writing, dealing with change and other helpful support.  They really are trying to ease the transition.

The other day Jana came bubbling home from work.  As she danced through the door she called, "I wish you could've been with me today!"

They had a woman come in from a consulting company to talk about resume's, how to write them, what companies are looking for and how to prepare for interviews.

"You would've loved the presenter.  She was so polished, had good stories to illustrate her points, was dynamic and really had the audience in her hands."

Jana's college degree is in speech communications and she is a very practiced public speaker.  Because she is good she is also very aware of other speakers.  Over the years I have also enjoyed the good fortune to speak in business presentations, seminars, staff training and keynotes as well as in church speaking opportunities.  Our conversations after presentations are centered around elements in our speeches that worked, audience response, the impact of stories, responses to questions and so forth.  I have learned so much from Jana over the years as she is free and yet kind with her feedback on my presentations and is attentive and appreciative with my observations for hers.

Jana also knows that I am always interested, as she is, in watching and listening to other speakers and learning from them.  When she burst through the door and said, "I wish you could've been with me today!", she was sharing an exciting and common interest – something she knew we'd both love: a presenter who knew how to move an audience.

"The whole time I was thinking, 'Oh, I wish Kevin could be here.  He'd love watching this woman'."

The loving thing was in her wanting to share an experience with me and thinking about me as she enjoyed it.  It's the idea of being thought about warmly when you're apart, and then not being able to come home fast enough to share it.  
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"I Have So Much to Talk About"

Jana always seems to come home from work happy.  This is especially true on Friday.

I had sent her an email at work at 3:50pm, just ten minutes before she was to get off work.

Would you like to go to a movie with me at 7:00 tonight?

Mystery Date

When she walked in the door she declared,

YES!  I'd love to go out!

When we climbed into the van to head out for a cheap dinner before the movie she effused,

I have so much to talk about.  I can hardly wait!

We got to Chicago Connection and ordered our salad bar dinners and she almost exploded,

Can I tell you about my day?

She had a great day at work and was able to get resolutions on several large hospital insurance accounts that she has been dogging down for two and three months. This was a major victory and she was excited and proud about it, and rightfully so.

She then brought along some papers and announced,

These are the finalists in my hunt for an Oregon Coast rental house for our anniversary in October.  Read them and tell me what you think.

I read through them and commented on them as I did.  We then discussed the pros and cons and narrowed the choice down to two properties in Otter Bay, north of Newport.  She then jumped in,

Can I go ahead and make a decision?  

Jana loves to have something to look forward to.  I found last weekend as we listened to a set of tapes called "Light His Fire" that women in general always need something to look forward to; it makes the minor inconveniences and trials of daily life more bearable.  I have learned how important it is to her so I try to encourage it.  Besides, it's fun for me too.

One of the things I love about Jana is her optimism, joy and excitement for life ... especially for experiences ... and especially for experiences with me.  It's so fun to hear the excitement in her voice and see her eyes flash.  What a loving thing.  Am I smart or what in choosing Jana?
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Slumber Party

This weekend was my slumber party weekend with my daughter.  I had mentioned it to client on the East Coast yesterday.

I'm having a slumber party this weekend with my 28 year old daughter.  What are you doing this weekend?

I received a reply.

When I first read your email I read "slumber party" and then saw "28".  My first thoughts were, "28 girls at a slumber party"?  Then I reread it.  I'm headed to Nashville for the weekend.  Enjoy your weekend with your daughter.

The main feature of our agenda for the weekend was to watch the new BBC production of Jane Austen's "Emma".  We went to Albertson's to pick up some dinner food, had dinner and watched "Star Trek".  We finally were ready to begin watching Emma at 1:30 am.  We watched the first hour of the four hour epoch before turning in.  I love Chanel's little apartment.

Today, after a leisurely morning and a more than late breakfast we watched the other three hours of "Emma".  I quite enjoy Jane Austen and the view of the era she creates.

After stopping at the home of a workmate of Chanel's for an open house for her husband who just graduated from BSU, we finally arrived home at about 7:30 this evening.  Jana was her animated and joyful self.  She actually came outside to welcome me home as I brought in my overnight gear.  (Jana always chides me for taking more than I need when I go overnight anywhere.)

I love coming home to Jana. Her smile and constantly cheerful disposition is a loving thing. By nature she's a happy person.  She makes our home a loving place. 

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After the 'Thank You'

Last night was a late night.  I stayed up until after 2:00 trying to finish a project I've been working on for a couple weeks that I just needed to get out.  After having been up until 2:30 the night before I was a worn out when I dragged myself to bed.

This morning I never heard Jana get up, shower or get ready for work.  We always have breakfast together but this morning I slept right through it.

When I finally awoke she was already gone to work.  I got up, said, "Forget the Rec Center", showered, had breakfast and went to work.  My first item of business?  Send Jana an email:

Sorry I missed you this morning.  But I did get the booklet finished at 2 this morning.  Anyway,  I love you.  Can I join you for lunch?  Kevin

Her reply?

Yes, I would love that.

When my alarm went off (I have to set a computer alarm to catch my attention when I have an appointment, otherwise I get busy and time just ceases to exist) I fixed my lunch and headed for the hospital where Jana works.

I walked in her door just as she was walking out.  We headed for the hospital cafeteria.  We just chatted about what we had each been doing this morning and why a check in the checkbook had been added to the checking balance rather than being subtracted (creating a $400 unexpected shortage) and confirming that it had been fixed.

All too soon the half hour was over and it was time to walk back to the outside building where Jana's office is.  As I walked her to the door she said,

Thank you for coming for lunch.  It really means a lot.

With that loving comment I was transported back 33 years to the conclusion of our first date.  I was a green returned missionary, still very uncomfortable with dating.  Jana was a recent college graduate in her first career job.  I felt so young by comparison and figured she was so worldly wise.

I was especially concerned about walking her to her apartment door after our date, figuring she was so experienced in the ways of romantic protocol.  Do I kiss her (on the first date)?  Do I just say "Thank you for a wonderful evening?"  Do I shake her hand (with which I was the most comfortable after two years as a missionary, keeping young women at arms length)?

Additionally, was there the prospect of a second date?  I liked her and definitely wanted another date.  But how would I know if she did?  Like many men, my confidence when it came to relationships, was a bit fragile.  It had taken four explicit encouragements from friends the night before to finally get me to risk actually calling her and asking her out, even though I had been looking for signs that she might be interested for nearly two months.

Jana eased the tension and reinforced my confidence.

Thank you for a wonderful evening.  Will you ask me out again?

There are those that might scoff at this whole dilemma and my need for reassurance.  But Jana's inspired "Will you ask me out again?" answered all my unasked questions.  It was the question that would determine our combined future.

As I left her at the office door this afternoon, it was, once again, the underscoring assertion after the "thank you" – the added "it really means a lot" – that gave meaning to the message.  The truly loving thing when expressing gratitude just may be the underscoring assertion after the "thank you", for that is the thing that will be remembered and that just may make all the difference.

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Smells Like Bruschetta

Each Monday evening we have a get together called Family Home Evening with the members of our church congregation or ward.  We usually have about 30+ young single adults there.  On the fourth Monday we have a dinner.  Each month the group in charge of the dinner picks a theme and with the creativity and energy of the young adults of our ward you can be assured that no two potluck dishes will be the same.

This month the theme was "Euro-dishes": some dish inspired by European cuisine.  Jana really got into it this week and did some online searching for inspiration.  Her criteria: simple, as in able to be whipped together in 30 minutes or less because she gets home from work at about 5:30 and the dinner was to start at 6:30.

She found a recipe for Bruschetta.  On the way home from the Rec Center after work she stopped at Walmart and picked up some prebaked french bread and other ingredients: two flavors of cream cheese, deli sliced roast beef, fresh Roma tomatoes and fresh green onion.

She painted each side of the sliced (yes, to save time she even found presliced french bread) bread with olive oil and baked them.  When toasted she pulled them out of the oven and let them cool for a few minutes so they wouldn't melt the cream cheese.  She then employed me to help dress the bruschetta.

It was quite fun and the finished result looked every bit as appetizing as the full colored pictures online.

For my part I cooked some bacon, sauteed some diced onions then added whole green beans and stir-fried them, adding peanuts and a "savory blend of spices".  We then headed for dinner.

The loving thing was just the fun of creating something together and laughing and joking while exercising our culinary inspirations.  Jana likes to say she doesn't enjoy cooking but it's fun watching her, in her most pragmatic way, create something fun and different than the normal fare.  

One of the things that originally drew me to Jana was that, when we first met and worked together on that play so many years ago, I could see that we really worked well together when confronting a common project – in that case, the play.  It is still true.  We do work well together and it's fun doing simple, out of the routine things that allow us to add a dash of creativity and a dollop of fun to the recipe.

I think loving things smell surprisingly like Italian bruschetta.

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Toe Tap

What a great week last week was.  Arielle, our college daughter, had completed her first semester of college and was home for a week.  Well, four days anyway.  She actually stayed the first 5 days with her sister in her apartment.  They had a great time together.

This past Monday I loaded up Arielle's freshly cleaned laundry, a case of plastic water bottles refilled with "home water" (she doesn't like the tap water in Rexburg) and a couple boxes of groceries.  We also packed up a young woman who has been in our ward for the past 4 months between semesters. We then headed back for the Spring semester in Rexburg.  She had just one week between semesters.

We got to Boise, about a half hour from home, when Arielle realized she had forgotten the storage tub of flour she was going to take with her.  She learned how to bake bread last Fall and while at school bakes bread every other week.  She does this on Sunday and the first loaf, hot out of the oven, is dedicated to the roommates and they have fresh, hot bread for dinner.  The other two loaves last her two weeks, until it's time to bake bread again.  She has really become quite the good bread cook.

I turned around and headed back home and we picked up the flour.

We originally left at 10:00 am, and left the second time at 11:10, arriving in Rexburg at 4:00.  We unloaded.  I worked on Arielle's computer printer, which hasn't worked all semester, and got it working again.  We then made a grocery run, with one of Arielle's wonderful roommates, Hailee, where Arielle spent $8.00.  After getting the groceries home I left for home, pulling out of the apartment at 6:00 pm.

I called Jana to let her know I was on my way home.  She told me to drive safely and she'd see me in the morning, as she'd be asleep when I got home.

After a couple short stops I pulled in to our driveway at 12:10 am.

I tried to be quiet as I tiptoed through the house, putting things away.

When I got to the bedroom I quietly walked up to the dresser, which is on Jana's side of the bed, and started unloading my pockets.  I felt a soft tap on the back of my left leg and turned to see Jana's foot sticking out from the blankets, tapping me a soft welcome home.


Loving things aren't usually great big things.  They're the little expressions, the quiet connections that speak volumes more than books about love and in a language more eloquent than lyric.  They're the sleepy toe taps that tip 'I love you.  I'm glad you're home.  Good night."

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Just Because

I have mentioned before that in our church we try to take care of each other.  We do this by having assigned to us 3 - 6 individuals or families to visit each month just to see how they're doing.  We will have a companion assigned to us so we don't go alone.

This past month I was unable to connect with my companion and couldn't get another to substitute for him so I asked Jana if she would mind going with me to see a couple young women I visit.  I gave her a little more notice this time and she willingly came with me.

Jana is a joy to visit people with.  She always makes them feel special and important simply by how she gives them her full attention, asks questions and listens intently to their responses.  One of our visits was to a wonderful and talented young woman.  In the course of the conversation Jana asked her if she had seen a particular movie.  The young woman replied, no, she hadn't.  Jana immediately said,

"Well, you'd love it.  In fact, what are you doing Friday night?"

"I don't have any plans right now."

"Then why don't you just come over and we'll pop some popcorn and watch it.  Kevin, you can join us if you want."

Jana not only shared a loving thing by her willingness to help me in my visits, but also extended her love to a young woman "just because":  just because she enjoys getting to know people one-on-one; just because she remembers what it's like to be single and alone; just because she's genuinely interested in people.

Sounds like a great date night to me.

____________________

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Teal Subarus

Thursday was my daughter, Chanel's, birthday.  Jana and I had made arrangements to meet her at a restaurant in Boise where we had her birthday dinner.

After dinner we headed to Chanel's apartment on the other side of town.  As we headed toward the freeway Chanel got ahead of us.  Jana and I were chatting as we drove along.  Suddenly, Jana said, "Hey, Chanel is turning left ahead.  You'd better follow her."

"That doesn't make sense.  The freeway is the fastest way to get to her place."

"Well, she obviously knows the best way to get home so you'd better follow her."

I dutifully followed Jana's instructions and I pulled into the left turn lane behind Chanel.  I couldn't figure out why Chanel would turn away from the freeway.  As I sat there looking it seemed to me it really didn't look like Chanel in front of me.  The car color was teal, like Chanel's.  The driver was wearing sunglasses, like Chanel.  Her hair was cut, combed and colored, like Chanel's.  But the car was a teal Subaru and not a teal Prism, like Chanel's.

By now, cars were lined up next to me so I couldn't change lanes.  I waited out the light, turned the corner and found a place to turn around.  Eventually, we made it to the freeway.  By the time we made it to Chanel's apartment, she wondered what took us so long.

Over our years together I have come to trust Jana's judgment – the loving thing she brings to our partnership.  She is a wise woman.  I trust her instincts.  I trust her ability to see through the superficials of life and zero in on the essentials.  For that reason I have made it a habit to act when she suggests action.  Only then do I think and reason and consider the suggestion.  Every once in a while her suggestion lines us up in the left turn lane behind a teal Subaru.  But her judgment is correct so frequently that I have learned the wisest route is to follow her counsel and risk the occasional Subaru.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Salmon-Chanted Evening

My Sunday schedules are pretty simple.  I"m out the door around 8:00 am, not particularly early, and try to be home by 6:00.  Two Sundays a month I continue on until 9:00 pm before getting home.  I try to have a good breakfast before leaving in the morning then have a light dinner when I get home.

Jana celebrates the weekend by often staying up late Saturday night and, since our actual church meetings don't start until 1:00 pm, sleeping in.  I'll wake her up to have a morning prayer with her, give her a "morning kiss" (no 7-second kisses before 8:00 am) then head out the door.

At church I will generally see her and give her a squeeze between meetings.  "Good morning" I'll offer, a quick kiss and then move on.

The pattern is just slightly different on the first Sunday of the month which we call "Fast Sunday" – that would be "Fast" as in no eating after dinner Saturday evening until Sunday evening, not "Fast" as in quick.

Yesterday being Fast Sunday I was hungry by the time I got home but there was purpose behind my fast and there were a number of specific issues on my mind that I was absorbed with.  When I got home I went in and gave Jana a hug and told her I was glad to be home.  But I didn't linger as I had a number of things yet to follow up on and phone calls that needed to be made before the evening slipped away.

As I was sitting at my desk making calls Jana slipped in.

"I have some salmon thawed.  Would you like some?"

That sounded wonderful so I said, yes.  About 2o minutes later she came back in.

"Dinner's ready for you on the table."

I finished up and went in and there was a lovely salmon, potato and salad dinner waiting for me.  This, I suppose, doesn't sound momentous, but since Jana gets home from church a couple hours before I do we don't have dinner on Sunday evening.  When I get home I just fix something light and quick.  This was a special expression of love from her, truly a loving thing.  It was purely selfless since she had already had dinner a couple hours earlier.

It just felt like such a sweet kindness and I enjoyed every morsel.  Kindness is always romantic.  Kindness is always a loving thing. 

After my dinner I told Jana I had a "home evening" I wanted to prepare.  I brought the laptop computer into the bedroom along with my desktop speakers, plugged them in, then we listened for the next two hours to an interview of Dallin Oaks and his wife, Kristen.  What fun to just end the evening together.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Kung Pau Camel

It's been a busy day, capping a busy week.  The day started with cleaning the church, followed by a list of projects (including mowing my lawn for the first time this year) that's kept Jana and I moving in asynchronous circles.

Just before leaving for a baptism service this evening I said to Jana,

"Can we do something tonight?"

"Yes. What did you have in mind?"

"How about doing something where we can just talk?  I don't feel like we've had any connection time this week."

I then suggested the Jade Garden restaurant and she readily agreed. I told her we'd go as soon as I got home.

When I got home from the baptism Jana was in watching the basketball game between West Virginia and Kentucky that would decide who went to the Final Four of March Madness.  (West Virginia, the underdog, ended up winning by 7.)  I went straight to the bedroom where I changed clothes.  I didn't want to wear a suit and tie but I still wanted to look nice.  I put my coat on, grabbed the checkbook and went into the TV room and said,

"I'm ready to go."

The significance of my getting ready, including having the keys in hand, is important as, in past history, I have been known to say, "Let's go" then take another 20 minutes changing clothes, shutting house windows and locking doors.  That tends to test Jana's patience.  So I wanted to be ready to walk out the door before I made my appearance.

We just prattled on the way to the restaurant.  When we got there and got our buffet Chinese meals we sat and prattled some more.  About Jana's work.  About Chanel's upcoming birthday.  About summer vacation.  About a slumber party Jana wants to have with Chanel.  About the wonderful weekend Jana spent with her sisters last week.  About our adventures of the day.   About everything.  About nothing.

It took us an hour and a half to just sit and eat and not eat and talk.

Jana's love language is quality time.  That means "being" and "doing" together.  No distractions.  No other interests.  Just the moment and the time.  When you think of it, it's really amazing that quality time doesn't really take that much time at all.  It takes attentiveness.  It takes hearing.  It takes sharing.  And I find it interesting that such a simple loving thing can so fully replenish our relationship. It's like giving a camel a little time to eat and drink, after which he can go for days with otherwise meager refueling.

Seems to me to be a pretty good investment of time.  So, as I sit here this evening, Jana is back in the TV room, now watching the news, and I sit here, jotting down a few lines.  And I feel replenished.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Something Up My Sleeve

A couple evenings ago I was at the church involved in some meetings.  In a break I was in the stake clerk's office and the stake president (my ecclesiastical leader) and I were chatting over some issues involving my congregation.

I have a tendency to speak with my hands.  At one point in our conversation I happened to notice my left hand.  There appeared to be something protruding from my sleeve.  As I looked down it also caught the attention of the stake president.

I reached over, capturing it with my fingertips.  The conversation stopped as we both watched in curiosity, as if a magician were revealing a silk handkerchief, as I pulled out . . . a dryer sheet.  How I managed to put my newly washed shirt on without finding or feeling it I have no idea.

Even so, in spite of the good laugh we had, it was a sweet reminder of how Jana thoughtfully keeps me supplied with clean white shirts, all three of them.  I consider it to be a sweet and loving thing.  I am so grateful for her care and her loving service.

Note:  Jana just interrupted me as she found a spider on the kitchen counter.  I don't even need the point she offered.  I would think clean white shirts to far exceed any number of spider exterminations.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Hard Things Can Be Loving Things Too

For my entire adult life I have worked with youth.  Through church assignments, Boy Scouting or community involvement my life's work seems to be lifting and building youth.  My only qualifications would seem to be that I still have bouts with acne and I still have not fully relinquished my hold on my adolescence.

Prior to my calling as the bishop of a young single adult congregation I served the youth in my church overseeing the activities and the adult and youth leaders of eight church congregations.  I was also serving in the Boy Scouting program as a district leader providing training and support for 238 Scouting units (Cub Scout Packs, Boy Scout Troops, Varsity Teams and Venturing Crews) with a commissioner staff of over 90 volunteers and a "Roundtable" training staff of 12 trainers.  Not knowing what the demands would be in my new calling I backed off in my activity with the Scouting program.

In many ways my focus in my current calling as bishop has simplified my life.  It has also given me a great blessing of faith and strength that I could not have foreseen I would need in meeting the needs of energetic, searching, testing, hopeful young single adults as well heart-deep concerns for the evolving dynamics and personal, educational and spiritual struggles of my family.

However, I still get calls and feel the yearning tugs of purpose-driven desires to contribute to a larger circle of influence using what talents or knowledge I have nurtured over my life.  In December I was asked if I would serve as the master of ceremonies for the kick-off assembly for the 100 year anniversary of the Boy Scouting movement to be conducted on the state capitol steps the first Saturday in February.  I called on long-time friend, Lawrence Wasden, Attorney General of the State of Idaho, to address the crowd of uniformed Boy Scouts and their leaders that spilled out into the road in front of the capitol building.  The event was a success and the warm expressions of appreciation were self-satisfying.

Recently, a friend in the stake or region in which I live had asked if I'd help with training for the leaders of 11-year-old boys.  It would not be a huge affair but would entail a Friday evening and Saturday morning commitment with marginal preparation on my part.  I would love to.  But before doing so my personal commitment to Jana is to discuss it with her to gain her support and request her feedback.

I asked Jana over breakfast this morning.  It is easy to read Jana's opinions at times.  Being a drama major for her Associates Degree, she doesn't tend to hide her feelings.  But her verbal response was brief.

"Once they hear you are available for Scouting programs again the phone won't stop ringing."

As I had brought the subject up at the conclusion of breakfast, this was Jana's only comment before her getting up to finish getting ready for work.

I sat and finished my breakfast, torn a bit between two priorities: my life's purpose in working with youth and my eternal purpose in building a celestial relationship with Jana.  In black and white the decision seems obvious.  But, when you mix it with the feelings of emotion and satisfaction and purpose and contribution and praise and pride, it becomes a little harder to balance.  Life's decisions are not always between good and bad.  In fact, I believe the defining decisions that will make the greatest eternal difference will be the decisions between good and good.  They will be the decisions that not only reveal our hearts, but our true desires.

As Jana readied herself for work I didn't feel I understood her real core position. I knew the "what", but I didn't know the "why".  As I continued to sit, finishing my breakfast (I'm a slow breakfast finisher) she came back in and sat down.

"When are you going to get the computers sold?  When are you going to get the dozen things done you say you need to in order to get our business on solid ground?  When will you find the time to help me with the few things I need, like the visual aids for my Relief Society speech?

"To me, your extracurricular activities mean distraction, postponing other needed things; it means time taken away from your work; it means competition for your attention.

"The bishopric means focus; it means balance; it means peace."

"You can choose if you want to help out with that program, but once people learn you are available the calls won't stop."

Now I knew the "why" – the core-deep perceptions that I needed to know.  The "whats" give us a position.  The "whys" give us meaning.

A number of years ago I needed to make a business decision whether or not to hire a young man.  I went back and forth in my mind, trying to justify the expense, the risk, and the dynamic changes it would necessitate.  In the course of my decision making I decided to fast and then went to a place I consider sacred; a place where I could get the insight, the inspiration I needed to make a decision.

I thought long and hard on the matter but soon found a peace settle over me, absorbing the spirit of the experience.  It was then, when my mind was calmed and not pushing, that the clear revelation came.

"Kevin, the 'right' decision is the one you and Jana make together.  The actual decision isn't important; the important thing is how you make it."

Sometimes loving things are hard things.  I needed to know Jana's "whys".  I needed to see her perspective; to see the issue through her eyes.  If I had fixated on the "what" I could very easily become defensive and missed the quiet "I love you" hidden in the "why".

I have absolute faith in Jana's love for me; in her desire that our relationship continue to grow, not only in time, but through eternity.  If I can just manage to keep that faith – no, by now in our relationship I guess it's no longer faith; time and experience have turned my faith in her love into a sure knowledge – if I can just manage to keep that fact fixed in my heart I know I will have the power and the purpose to listen carefully and choose well.

Photos courtesy the Idaho Statesman

http://www.idahostatesman.com/2010/02/09/1073054/scouts-throw-a-birthday-party.html 

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Shoe Strings and Frozen Beans

Saturdays seem to be a premium around here.  With life being what it is it seems I get about two Saturdays a month to actually get things done on my personal list.  Everything has a season and I suppose the day will come when I wish I had something someone wanted me to do on a Saturday.  But for now, they're a little rare.

Of late Jana has been complaining of foot pain from her daily walking exercise.  Actually it's not from her walking; that actually takes her mind off the foot pain.  But her feet have been hurting her.  During the week I saw an ad in the newspaper from Big 5 Sporting Goods that had some walking shoes by Dr. Scholl's, a company known for its footcare products.  (A not so terribly interesting aside: when Jana and I were dating, my first post-mission job was at Big 5 Sporting Goods in California.)

Saturday morning I suggested we have a morning date so after she had showered we headed off for Big 5.  It is nearly legendary how little Jana likes shopping, but she was excited that morning.

Before we headed to the sporting goods store we made a stop at "Cash 'n Carry", a restaurant grocery supply store that we like to shop at periodically.  This stop was just for me.  We went to buy some frozen vegetables, which I eat a lot of.  For $8 we were able to buy two week's of vegetables.  (Did I mention our food budget has dramatically dropped since Arielle went to school?)

We got to the store and found the sale shoes.  They were regularly $70 and were on sale for $29.95.  At first we were concerned as they didn't have what Jana thought was her size.  She went ahead and tried on a pair that were half a size larger than she thought she was, but they fit like Cinderella's glass slippers.

At my insistence she walked around the store for awhile to make sure they didn't have any sore spots (she just wanted to buy 'n go).  Then we bought them.  The shoes she's been wearing are athletic shoes she bought with my son's help about 12 years ago.  By now the support is shot.

After we got home Jana put them on and wore them around the house as she went about her chores.  Later that afternoon she headed for the Rec Center for her 8 lap walk.  When she came home she pronounced the shoe-shopping date a success.

I'm finding I love spending time with Jana – doing just normal, unhurried things – more and more all the time.  Her love language is "Quality Time".  As we headed home from Big 5 she said, "This qualifies as 'love'.  Definitely three points."  Quality Time = a loving thing.  For both of us.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Pizza and Brownie Romance

I have a special group of men with whom I work in my church service.  Lately, I've felt I wanted to build our bonds a little closer, not just among ourselves but with our wives as well, so Sunday, at the close of our early morning meeting, I asked them if they would like a cheap date Friday night.  I invited them to come to our home, with their wives, just for a relaxed evening of gobble and gab.

This is not something I do very lightly. And for good reason.

When Jana and I had been married for just a short time I sat in church one Sunday and in our men's organization meeting they asked for volunteers to bring a couple dozen cookies for a party.  I had a pre-conception of what "oneness" in marriage meant.  I grew up seeing my mother volunteer for things that would require major participation from my father, knowing that my Dad would absolutely back her up with whatever help she needed.  I also saw my Dad volunteer for things that would require my mother's help.  They seemed to know that marriage was a partnership and I assumed that was just the way it was, giving no thought as to how it got there.

When I came home and announced to Jana that I had volunteered (her) to bring a couple dozen cookies to the party her response defined one facet of our evolving marriage.

"Well, you'd better make sure you have all the ingredients and give yourself enough time to get them done."

That response really caused a major shift in my internal understanding of what "being one" in marriage meant.  It felt like I actually heard an audible "CRACK" in the time-space continuum.  It took some time (meaning years) to redefine for myself what "oneness" in my marriage meant.

From that experience I learned, early on, that I do not volunteer Jana; she has her own voice and it is alto, not tenor.  More than once in our marriage this has caused a quizzical look or even a question when the uninitiated ventured to ask, "Do you think your wife would offer a prayer/bake a pie/bring a casserole to this or that event?"  My practiced response would invariably be,

"I don't know.  Why don't you ask her?"

When I invited my colleagues and their spouses over for this Friday I knew exactly what it meant: it was up to me to plan and organize the evening.  When I told her what I had done it was not with the intent to ask her to do anything other than to look forward to an enjoyable evening.

Monday was our regular weekly "home evening" at the church and we had a dinner.  The young men were serving and had planned the dinner for the young women in our singles ward and it was a fun evening.  My part was to bake the potatoes for a potato bar plus make two cobblers.  I didn't bother telling Jana what I had volunteered for so when she got home from work the foil wrapped potatoes were already baked and were keeping hot in the insulated carrier and the cobblers were in the oven.

Because I need to be at the church a little earlier and tend to stay a little later than Jana, she and I arrive in two cars each Monday evening.  When I got home shortly after 10:00 we were chatting before going to bed.  Then Jana mentioned,

"I talked to the wives about Friday night and we're going to have pizza.  Debbie will bring her famous brownies and Dee will bring a drink.  We can probably just eat on our laps in the living room rather than trying to fit eight people in our little dining room."

Now, to many, this may not seem like a huge thing, but to me this was truly a loving thing.  I was planning on taking care of the preparation and in no way wanted to impose on Jana's time commitments.  But I do admit it lifts a self-imposed burden from my preparation for the evening.

Jana has taught me over the years that when I do things that lighten her load and ease her burden this means "romance" to her.  I'm now beginning to understand because this week pizza and brownies, eaten on your lap, in the company of friends is as romantic as dinner served with fine china, soft music and candlelight.  And the bonus is that the romance will last all week long.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU. 

A Cat Named "Book"

Chanel was over the other evening.  She sometimes pops in of an evening and, of course, wherever she goes a party erupts.

As we sat on the couch just talking and teasing she commented, "I heard of a book the other day called, "A Cat Named 'Book'.  It's about a cat that was kind of a library cat, in a real library."

Well that's all it took to get Jana's ideas humming:

"I can just hear them now: 'Would someone get that Book off the shelf?'"

"Don't trip over the Book."

"Where did that Book go?"

To which Chanel chimed in,

"Book had kittens.  She named them Chapters."

To which Jana responded,

"Now where did that Book put her Chapters?"

When Jana and Chanel get going it's like watching a world class ping pong match.  Ah, humor.  Certainly a loving and necessary thing, especially in a marriage.

Photo credit – Sydney, Australia, photographer Daniel Boud

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Half Hours Strung Together

Jana had already left for work and I was changing clothes to head to the rec center.  The phone rang and I almost didn't answer it.  I dashed to the office and picked up the receiver.  It was Jana.  She'd only been to work for 15 minutes.

"I left my bag of chips for our work luncheon on the kitchen counter.  Would you like to bring it to me?"


"Sure.  I'm headed for the rec center.  I can drop it off in a few minutes."


"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to bring it at lunch time and we could eat lunch together."


"That would work, too.  I'll see you at lunch."

After the rec center I dragged myself home and worked for a couple hours before my computer alarm told me it was time to go to lunch.  I microwaved my vegetables and brown rice and headed for the hospital central billing office (CBO).

Jana met me with a smile as I walked up to the door and she took the bag of chips from me.

"I'll take this in and will be right back."

When she returned she asked,

"Should we go into the hospital cafeteria or just eat in the van?"

The van it was.

As we sat Jana told me about the visitors touring the CBO as part of the preparation for the sale of the hospital to another owner.  She shared stories about some of the interesting women she works with and the triumphs and trials they each face.

The half hour came and went very quickly and she needed to get back to work.  But it's the small moments and opportunities like these, taken, created, that carry us over the sorrows, disappointments and uncertainties and on to the quiet victories and joys that give meaning to mortality.  It's the half hours, strung together with loving things and bound by hope, that give joy to the journey.

I'm just grateful that Jana is my traveling companion.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

You Go First

Recently I had a slumber party weekend with my oldest daughter in her cute, one bedroom apartment.  Friday night we stayed up watching movies.  Saturday morning she needed to go to work so I slept in, had breakfast, watched a movie and read a business book before she got home shortly after 2:00.

When she came home we went to a place called "Simply Cats" where she volunteers.  This is a facility that rescues cats and offers them for adoption.  It is an amazing facility for cats and people alike and it was fun to visit the different "apartments" and chat with the cats.  Purring all around.

When I came home, Jana was her ever-cheerful, bright and fun self.  One of the things I love about her is her always-cheery disposition.  She acted glad to see me.

Jana needed to go to the library to return some books that were due so I volunteered to ride downtown with her.  She drove and as we rode she said, "I want to hear all about your weekend and I want to tell you about mine.  You go first, and don't leave anything out."

To Jana life is about experiences.  Whenever she is asked what she wants for a birthday or Christmas or Mothers' Day she always chirps, "Oh, give me an experience we can share."  For that reason it's not at all surprising that she wanted to talk about our respective weekends.  But the loving thing is that she offered, "You go first, and don't leave anything out."

On our first date many years ago we went to a young single adult dance.  Due to a misunderstanding (or more accurately, misunderhearing on my part) we arrived one hour early for the dance.  That normally spells disaster for a first, generally awkward, date.

But Jana turned a potentially awkward experience into an endearing one when, as we climbed into my little Opal Cadet, she started asking questions about me, my interests, my life.  Pretty soon I had my sketch pad out, talking about my passion for drawing.

Always interested in others and in their stories, over the course of a wonderful marriage Jana has opened my eyes to the wonder and gift of listening.  My life has been enriched as I've learned to value and reflect that gift, learning from a master.

But when we get together and have stories to tell Jana continues to share her loving thing when she begins, "You go first."  And she still acts as if what I have to say somehow means something.

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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Cold Burrrritos

After five weeks of constant back/shoulder pain I finally found out what the problem is when I visited a physical therapist this morning -- a pinched nerve in my cervical spine.  Now we can start rehabilitating it.

So, tonight, since I had no meetings scheduled, I lay down on my recliner in the TV room and relaxed my back while watching a movie.  During the day I leave the door to the TV room closed because there's no sense heating an unused room.  That made it a little cooler tonight.

As I lay there Jana was also with me watching and snoozing.  ("I thought exercising was supposed to make you more energetic, not worn out.")  After awhile she sat up then came over to me.

"Are you cold?"

I guess she read my body language with my sweater on and my arms folded.

"Oh, I'm all right."

Without another word she reached over and got my Snuggy (this year's hot-can't-live-without-it Christmas blanket gift item with arms that make you feel like you're wearing a fuzzy hospital gown) that Chanel gave me for my birthday and wrapped me up like a burrito.

I think burritos must be loving things.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU. 

The Rules of the Game

I don't expect there are very many men reading this blog but I feel it my obligation tonight to share with any male readers the "rules of the game".  I"m almost sure no one has told you this – I just learned the rules myself after I had been married for 23 years – but it's best that you understand them now rather than later, rather than lulling yourself into a state of ignorant security.

The rules are simple, but not necessarily easy.  And there is a scoring system that is critical to understand.  For example, knowing that a touchdown scores your team 6 points, a safety scores 2, etc., makes the game of football far more understandable.  So let me explain.

Rule #1 
When you do something kind, sweet, unexpected (in a good way) or thoughtful for your wife you get one point.  That sounds simple enough.  However, it doesn't matter how big or small or even how much effort you put into the action.  Sincerity is the deciding factor.  If you wash the dishes without being asked: one point; if you volunteer to prepare dinner (and actually do it, not just volunteer): one point;  if you take her on a cruise to the Caribbean: one point!

Rule #2
You can only earn one point in a day.  No more.  As in the above example, wash the dishes once: one point; wash the dishes after each meal: one point; Caribbean cruise: one point!  That's it.  Once your point is earned that day, no more points no matter how many other nice things you do.

Rule #3
You can not "carry over" points from one day to the next.  Each day starts fresh and the point for that day (if you earn one) must be accomplished that day.

Rule #4
You can lose your point for the day (assuming you earned one) by doing something ignorant, rude, forgotten, thoughtless or just plain stooopid.

Rule #5
There is no limit to the number of points you can lose in a day!  You can earn one, but then, through thoughtlessness, forgetfulness or unkindness, can lose 5 or even more, putting you in a negative standing for the day.  Points accumulate over your lifetime.

Rule #6
Your wife is the sole judge of the points earned.  Any decision rendered by the judge is binding, nonnegotiable and can not be appealed.

Any questions?

Now, I had to explain the rules of the game in order for you to appreciate Jana's loving thing to me.

Monday, January 18th, was Martin Luther King day.  I already shared what Jana and I did on that day since she had the day off work.

Our garbage day is on Wednesday.  Whenever there is a holiday on Monday this pushes our garbage day back to Thursday.  I have mentioned that occasionally I have been known to miss garbage day so our garbage stacks up for two weeks.  Such was the case the week before, and our cans were stuffed full.  Well, last week, on Wednesday morning I thought, "Monday was a holiday.  I wonder if the garbage man will come by today or tomorrow."  To cover my bases I went ahead and took my garbage cans to the curb, "just in case".

About two that afternoon I looked up from my computer when I heard a commotion outside and saw the garbage truck pull up to the curb.  I chortled in my joy:  "I win!"

As if that weren't enough, I then went outside and brought the empty cans back to the garage.  I then promptly forgot all about it as I went back to work.

After work, lately, Jana has been stopping off at the Rec Center on her way home as it's just next door to the hospital where she works.  When she got home shortly after 5:00 she went through her afterwork routine then came into the office.  "Did you take the garbage out today?"

Wait, wait! I know the answer to this!

"Yes." (Calmly)

"You did?  I'm so happy!  For that you get three points!"

Remember Rule #6?  I'm not about to argue the score!  Breaking the rules of the game just for you is definitely a loving thing!
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU. 
 

The Power of Her Touch

Since the week between Christmas and New Year's I've been experiencing intense pain between my shoulder blade and spine.  Finally, after three weeks of constant discomfort, I went to see a chiropractor to see if there may be a pinched nerve.

The appointment was very informational and the massage therapist's work felt wonderful but the pain persisted.

This week the pain became distracting enough, or I just felt tired enough, to call my family physician.  He checked me out and did a series of x-rays and found no evidence of any spinal problems.  He, like the chiropractor, determined it was muscular in nature and suggested I go to a physical therapist for a couple weeks and see how it does.

When I went to bed last night, fairly late, Jana had been in bed for awhile and I assumed she was asleep.  When I crawled into the cozy flannel sheets I asked if she was awake and she said yes.  We just prattled for awhile but, as we did so, I kept changing positions to try to get comfortable.  I ended up with my back to her.  As she prattled she simply reached over and touched my shoulder.

"Is this where it hurts?"

She then just started to massage my shoulder.

Even with the attention of the chiropractor, followed by my physician, and with the addition of anti-inflammatory medications my pain persists.  But with the tenderness of Jana's simple though untrained touch the discomfort melted away.  Though practiced in the physiology, anatomy and pathology of the human body, the thing the trained professionals can't duplicate is the healing touch of a loving spouse, a touch that not only warms the aches and pains, but the heart as well.  I drifted off to sleep with the comfort of the loving thing that only Jana can give.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU. 

Connection Points

When Jana comes home from work she has a routine.  She grabs the mail out of the mailbox and brings it in with her; she sets her bag down and takes off her coat; she makes a pit stop; then she comes into the office where I work and plops down on the white leather couch that sits in front of my desk.  We then take a few minutes and just visit, generally about the day or how many accounts she processed or an interesting story or whatever comes to mind.  It doesn't really mater what.  It's a few minutes of decompression for her and connection for both of us. 

She will then sometimes go in and take a little nap before dinner.

Tonight, at about 5:30 (I generally work right up until dinner at 6:00), I heard Jana's voice float in from the bedroom,

"When did you eat lunch?"

"At about 2:30.  Oh, I know what that question means."

That question means "I'm just too comfortable here so do I really need to wrestle up some dinner?"  I was trying to finish up a project and get it emailed to a client before I finished my day.  I replied,

"Sweetheart, simple is just fine."

This past year I've changed my eating habits so that meals can be very simple.  Jana precooks the meats on Saturday so during the day I can just pull something out of the refrigerator and heat it up with a salad and veggies for lunch.  In a pinch this also makes preparing our evening meal just as simple.

I noticed a stirring in the bedroom but was focused on finishing my project.  Shortly Jana came walking into the office from the direction of the kitchen.  "Dinner's ready."  I took a few extra minutes to finish sending the project off through cyberspace and met her at the table.

Even though we don't have the kids' days to review any more Jana and I still always seem to have plenty of things to talk about at the dinner table.

After dinner I cleared the table and filled the sink (we still do dishes the old fashioned way) then headed for the bedroom to change clothes for my evening meetings.  When I came out Jana was just finishing up the dishes.  As I collected the notes and things I needed to take with me to my appointments Jana asked, "Would you like a hug?  And how about a kiss to go with it?"

"I'll never turn down a hug AND a kiss!"

It wasn't a "7 second, steamy glasses" kiss but it was just right.  And with that I was ready to slay dragons.

I'm so grateful for those little connection points each day.  They really don't take much time: ten minutes to decompress and reconnect, conversation over dinner, and a hug and a kiss before slaying dragons.  But they are the loving things: the things that make a relationship.  They are the things that remind us that life and love were meant to last beyond the sunsets.
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IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMENT ON ONE OF THE LOVING THINGS, SMALL OR GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Twofers are Twice as Good

Chanel, the older of my two daughters, lives about 20 miles away from us.  She lives in a cute little one bedroom apartment that is cozy and decorated to match her sense of creativity and flair.  Periodically she will invite Jana over for a slumber party and they'll stay up late and gab and watch movies and sleep in late and have a wonderful time.  They both really look forward to these mother-daughter slumber parties.

But recently she invited me to come over for a daddy-daughter slumber party.

Chanel is a wonderful hostess and always has fun things planned and great ideas to make any occasion a special occasion.

As I was getting ready to leave the house for my overnight adventure with Chanel, Jana said, "Oh, you're going to have such a good time.  I'm glad you can go and spend the night and have fun with Chanel."  No hint of jealousy.  No guilt trips for leaving her home alone while we were going to play.  Just an "I love you" and "you're going to have such a good time."  Now that's a selfless thing.  That's truly a giving thing.  That's a loving thing.  

And, yes, Chanel and I did stay up late and watch movies and play all day the next day.  And that was a loving thing given to me by my daughter.  WOW!  Two loving things wrapped up in the same adventure.  I love twofers.
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We May As Well Hold Hands

Today was Martin Luther King's holiday and Jana had the day off.  We decided to play so we arranged to meet Jana's sister in town to see the movie "The Blind Side".

Before leaving town Jana needed to drop something off at a friend's home.  When we got there I decided to go with Jana to the door just to say "Hi" before rushing off.  I left the engine running since we were going to be just a moment.

When we got back to the van I walked Jana to the passenger door and noticed it was locked, so I went over to my side to unlock it.  But my door was locked too.  We were locked out of our van with the engine running.

Jana thought she could ask her friend to give her a ride home, but then we realized that the house would be locked as well and the key was still in the ignition of the running van.  I called our neighbor and asked her if she had a key to our home and she didn't.

"Well, I guess I'd better call the lock shop."

A good friend of mine owns the lock shop and another friend is the office manager there so they teased me a bit when I called for their "professional services".  The manager said, "I've got one of the guys right here and I'll send him right over."

Great.  But by now we were running late on meeting Jana's sister at the theater.  I called her and told her our predicament.  She was already on her way to the theater to meet us but turned to go home until we called her back.

The lock shop wasn't very far away so I saw the familiar blue AAA-1 Lock and Key van turn the corner.  My friend, the owner, got out with a big smile on his face.  "What are you doing here?"  After joking with me for a moment he went around to the side door of his van and pulled out a bent wire with a hook on the end, came over to the passenger side of my van, reached the wire down into the door and, Pop!, the door was unlocked.

I followed him back to his van and said, "What do I owe you?"

"Don't worry about it.  It's free today.  Have fun."  And then he left.

I went to the door of the home and told Jana, "We're ready to go."

"So soon?"

As we headed down the road I called Jana's sister back and told her we were on our way.  She turned around and headed back to the theater.  I apologized to Jana for goofing things up and causing the delay.  She never complained or even criticized me – or even made fun of me for that matter.  I'm not sure I would have had such restraint.

As we got out of our van to walk to the theater doors, Jana turned to me and said, "As long as we have these physical bodies we may as well hold hands."  She then reached over and took my hand.

We met Jana's sister in the theater and sat down in our seats just as the previews started.

Our time in these physical bodies is limited.  We'll have all kinds of little trials, inconveniences and learning experiences while we're here.  After all, we came here to earth to learn and these bodies are part of the lab equipment.  So I suppose the loving thing would be that, as long as we have these physical bodies, we may as well hold hands.
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Football vs. a Trip to Michael's

Jana has never been a sports enthusiast.  That is, until they invented Steve Young.  As a former BYU alum Jana became interested in him while he played for the San Francisco 49ers.  She then (as is her pattern) decided she wanted to learn more about the game of American football so she went to the library.

At the library she found a book titled "The Dark Side of the Game" by Tim Green and learned a lot of interesting facts about the inner workings of the game -- not the strategies, but the business, marketing and publicity sides.  This increased her interest and for Steve Young's last two years before retiring Jana didn't miss a televised game.  This is in spite of the fact that we didn't have a TV during those years so she arranged to watch the game at friends homes.

Once Steve retired Jana's interest lagged a bit but became reinstilled with college ball, particularly watching the Boise State Broncos over the past few years.

We'll, with the completion of the bowl games a week ago, college football is basically over for the season so tonight I found her in watching the Baltimore Ravens vs. the Indianapolis Colts.  At a break in the game she came into the office where I was and asked if I could go with her to Walmart.  She had been shopping there this afternoon and mistakenly bought some mousse instead of hairspray and wanted to go back to exchange it.

"I'd be happy to go because I need to run over to Michael's (a hobby store) and pick up a matte for a picture."

So out we went.  After leaving Walmart we had to drive by our house to go to Michael's.  As we approached the house I asked Jana if she wanted me to drop her off so she could get back to her game.  She thought for a moment then replied,

"No, I'll go with you to Michael's."

We didn't really talk about anything of significance during our drive across town but it was nice that Jana wanted to be with me for a few minutes.  It's  a loving thing to want to be with someone you love just to be with them; a trip to the grocery store or hobby store, it doesn't matter.  The thing is the time.  And it just so happens that Jana's love language is "quality time".  And Michael's qualifies.
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Six Pack Snack Pack

Lately, in the evening if I get the "carb cravings" I like to have some sugar-free Jello.  Jana has been buying it in the little six pack snack pack (say that 5 times real fast).  When I was in the grocery store recently I looked at them, in the refrigerator section, and noted that they cost about $2.89 for six.  I was curious so I went over to where they sell the powdered Jello  mix and noticed that a little box of sugar-free mix costs about .88¢ and makes 8 cups.

Brilliant lightbulb goes off!

So, I bought the box and, as I've finished a little cup of Jello or yogurt, I've been washing it and saving it so I can make my own little snack sized cups.

Last night Jana just mentioned she had made some Jello and put it in my collected cups (three so far) and the remainder in a larger bowl.  That was very sweet of her to do that little service for me.  I'm sitting here at 10:00 pm, eating a sugar-free Jello snack  set in a yogurt cup.  It's yummy and staves off the munchies.  Thank you, Jana.  To me, that's a loving thing.
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It Takes Two To Be A Bishop

Tonight was Family Home Evening with our singles.  It was movie night down at the church. I was running late as I had an emergency with a client that I had to get done before I could leave home.  That made me late for an appointment with a young woman.

I decided to take advantage of the chance of going to Family Home Evening with Jana.  I generally go alone early because I have people to meet.  But tonight I wanted to go with Jana and sit and eat popcorn and laugh and make fun of the movie, whatever it was.

My appointment ran long as that's what was needed.  We finished at about 8:30 and I thought,"Good. Now I can go join Jana and the rest of the kids."  I put on my coat.  But as I walked out the door my Relief Society president was in the clerk's office with another young woman.

"Bishop, do you have a minute?"

I walked into the clerk's office and chatted with her and the young woman and then she said, "Well, I'll see you later, Harriet (not her real name, although I did have a Harriet give me some massage therapy at my chiropractor's office this morning, but that's another story)."  Then as she disappeared around the door she mouthed to me, "Thank you."

I invited the young woman in and took off my coat.

This is a farily common occurrence on Monday evening at the church.  And for this young woman there was a real and immediate need.  I tell my ward members not to worry when they unload their burdens in my office.  "Dump everything right here.  We'll sort through it together.  And don't worry about the mess: the angels clean my office every night and throw away all the junk so you don't have to carry it around with you."

At about 9:30 I heard a knock at the door.  I answered it, knowing it would be Jana.  Sure enough.

"Is the movie over?" I asked.

"Yes, and I'm the last one here."

"Give me just a few minutes."

and I closed the door.  My visitor wasn't quite finished yet so I helped her come to an action step – something to work on.  Then, as I stood up to walk her to the door, I was prompted to ask, "Would you like a blessing?"

"Oh, yes. I really would."

So I slowed down and took a moment, hoping Jana would be all right waiting a moment longer.  It took a moment to connect but then the thoughts and inspiration came.  After the "Amen" I walked her to the door and said good night, then returned to put my coat on again.  I found Jana in the foyer talking to a young man in our congregation.  He's a wonderful young man, one I really admire and love being around.  They were just talking.  I noticed a light on down the hall and excused myself to go and make a quick sweep of the building to make sure it was locked up and lights were out.

I then returned and we all headed out.

Jana didn't express any impatience or question what took so long.  She just told me about her conversation with the young man.  Jana is so good talking with people one-on-one and getting them to share themselves.  Certainly her patience, in spite of her abandonment issues, was a loving thing for me.  But she was also expressing a loving thing in visiting with the young man who just needed a moment to open up and share some questions he has and some decisions he's trying to make.  

I've come to realize it takes two to be a bishop.  This calling is her's as well as mine.  It's a team effort.  Through it we'll both learn and grow. I think that's the point. 

I thought about the needs of those I visited with tonight, as well as those of quite a few others, as we pulled into the driveway. I turned off the key.

"Thank you so much for a calm and secure home."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, the steady place we are in our relationship at the moment.  I really need that certainty when I walk in our door so I have the solid footing I need to lift others."

 And that's what Jana does.  She provides a calm, happy, secure home that allows us both to grow; a place where we and those who enter here can find respite from the rain.
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The "7 Second, Steamy Glasses" Kiss

Friday night is supposed to be date night.  But all too often, I confess, that when Friday night comes along all I want to do is turn off the brain and it ends up, "Do you want to watch a video?"  So this week I decided that isn't good enough, Jana deserves better.  So on Thursday I sent Jana an email at work,

Would you please check your schedule and see if you're free to go out with me tomorrow night?  I'll pick you up a about 5:30.

RSVP
LOVE, Kevin

To which I received her reply,

I am so free    :)

When she got home I reminded her a couple of times about being ready at 5:30.  "I've taken care of everything, including a babysitter for the kids."  (We had delivered our youngest to college last weekend.)

Then, to add to the anticipation, I reminded her to be ready at 5:30 when she left for work Friday morning.  I emailed her a couple hours later,

I have a love for you.  Be ready at 5:30.

When she got home I was engrossed in finishing up some projects and pushing to get finished by 5:30.  At 5:34 I turned off the computer and went into the bedroom where Jana was reading and said, "Are you ready to go?"

We headed out the door to a simple restaurant nearby and had dinner.  Some friends were also at the restaurant and were sitting just a table away.  When we arrived we chatted with them for a few minutes, but other than that I intentionally ignored them so Jana and I could just talk.  (My normal behavior would have been to continue an ongoing conversation with them through the meal.)  We just talked about our day and whatever else came to mind.  We were finished eating at 6:30 and just sat chatting. 

When we finally left we leisurely drove to our sister-in-law's home where I had arranged for us to spend the evening visiting.  Our brother-in-law passed away just before Christmas and it was good to visit with her and see her in excellent spirits.  We had a wonderful time.   It was also fun visiting with our nephew from out of town who has stayed with her since the funeral.  He has been so kind and caring.  As we left I told Loretta,

"Thank you for being our date tonight."

"I was your date?  Well, thank you for having your date with me.  You can come over for a date anytime."

It was particularly cold tonight and as we pulled into the driveway we scuttled into the house to get warm.  After we got into our empty house I gave Jana a kiss.  You know, the excuse for a kiss we always seem to give: a quick peck.  But I thought, that's not right.  I've been listening to a tape series I won at our annual Ison family Christmas party white elephant exchange called "Light Her Fire".  It was recorded back in the 90s and I'm sure it was picked up for the party at a thrift store, but I've been enjoying it.  One of the stories shared in the series told of a couple who had come to a marriage counselor seeking a divorce.  The dialogue went something like this,

Wife:  When he comes home from work he never kisses me.

Husband:  She's off her nut.  I kiss her every night when I come home.

Wife:  You call that a kiss?  It's a peck.  You may as well be kissing a rock.

Therapist, to the wife:  What would you consider a real kiss.

Wife:  Well, I don't know.  I know it when I feel it.

Therapist:  No, that's not good enough.  With men you need to be specific.  Exactly how long of a kiss do you want?

Wife:  I don't know . . . maybe . . . 7 seconds.

Therapist, to the husband:  OK.  You have your assignment.  This week, every evening, when you come home from work, I want you to give your wife a 7 second kiss.  Do you think you can do that?

The next week, when the couple came for their visit they were asked how their week went.  The husband replied "Fantastic!", then told their story.

Jana and I had listened to the tapes on our way home from dropping off our daughter at school last Monday, so I suggested to Jana, "No, I want a 7 second kiss."  She willingly obliged.

Afterward she asked,

"How long was that?"

"9 seconds."

"Well, it steamed up my glasses."

I looked at her and, sure enough, I couldn't even see her eyes through the foggy lenses.  You know, I highly advocate the "7 second, steamy glasses kiss" as a truly loving thing.  I can't think of a better way to finish up a date, or for whenever you get back together after being apart for any length of time for that matter. 
 

Notation:  This post will probably embarrass our children, but that's their problem.
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